Thursday, April 20, 2006
Picture This
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
Support Group Lesson #2
Your son will, and can embarrass you in front of 20 other mothers and babies... even though he's only 8 weeks old.
Yes... I was embarrassed. Yesterday, on my way to the support group, Shepherd stunk the car up with one of his usual car-ride poops. I laughed, he laughed, and I figured I'd just change his diaper when we got there. We got there, and I changed his diaper (in front of everyone because, you know... they're moms too, and everyone else is doing it!). Exactly one minute after he has his clean diaper on.... I should pause here and give some back story. Shepherd has been in between diaper sizes. He was wearing size 1 magnificantly, but has been leaking lately. I've switched him at home, but hadn't switched the diapers in his diaper bag. Which was okay, because I'd figured... he'd already pooped. Anyways... back to the story. A minute after having his clean diaper on, he got this HUGE grin on his face, and proceeded to poop SO LOUD that the PRESIDENT could have heard it (and I'm sure our president would have giggled and all because he's kinda like that). The loudness wasn't what bothered me. What bothered me was when I opened his diaper.
GOOD. HEAVENLY. SAVIOR. The sheer amount of crap was mind boggling. And it? was EVERY-WHERE.
So I have to strip my son completely naked, wipe him down (successfully using all my diaper wipes), and put a fresh, size one diaper on him, the whole time muttering under my breath that so help me, if he pooped in that diaper, he was wearing it all the way home. Thankfully, I had an extra onsie packed to change him into, but again, it was too small. See, he's also between sizes. Some clothes he can still wear 0-3 months, and others? not so much. So my son ended up wearing a very tight onesie for the rest of the support group meeting.
I guess the moral to this story is, if your son is in between diapers, for the love of all things good, don't try to stretch out that last pack of diapers. Completely give in and put him in the next size up. Otherwise? You end up with baby crap everywhere...
Yes... I was embarrassed. Yesterday, on my way to the support group, Shepherd stunk the car up with one of his usual car-ride poops. I laughed, he laughed, and I figured I'd just change his diaper when we got there. We got there, and I changed his diaper (in front of everyone because, you know... they're moms too, and everyone else is doing it!). Exactly one minute after he has his clean diaper on.... I should pause here and give some back story. Shepherd has been in between diaper sizes. He was wearing size 1 magnificantly, but has been leaking lately. I've switched him at home, but hadn't switched the diapers in his diaper bag. Which was okay, because I'd figured... he'd already pooped. Anyways... back to the story. A minute after having his clean diaper on, he got this HUGE grin on his face, and proceeded to poop SO LOUD that the PRESIDENT could have heard it (and I'm sure our president would have giggled and all because he's kinda like that). The loudness wasn't what bothered me. What bothered me was when I opened his diaper.
GOOD. HEAVENLY. SAVIOR. The sheer amount of crap was mind boggling. And it? was EVERY-WHERE.
So I have to strip my son completely naked, wipe him down (successfully using all my diaper wipes), and put a fresh, size one diaper on him, the whole time muttering under my breath that so help me, if he pooped in that diaper, he was wearing it all the way home. Thankfully, I had an extra onsie packed to change him into, but again, it was too small. See, he's also between sizes. Some clothes he can still wear 0-3 months, and others? not so much. So my son ended up wearing a very tight onesie for the rest of the support group meeting.
I guess the moral to this story is, if your son is in between diapers, for the love of all things good, don't try to stretch out that last pack of diapers. Completely give in and put him in the next size up. Otherwise? You end up with baby crap everywhere...
Monday, April 17, 2006
Tag, You're it!
I've been tagged by both Matthew and Kristin. I'm supposed to list 6 weird things about me. Does this mean I have to do 12? Or will six suffice?
1) I wear hearing aids. Yep. I have a genetic hearing loss in the low frequencies that was passed down from my father, who got it from his dad, and so on and so on. I've always hated this. I got my first hearing aids at age 5. I was in Kindergarten. I remember playing kick-ball, and Josh Miller, the guy I had a crush on, threw the ball and hit my knees out from under me. I scraped both my knees up very badly. But I didn't cry because of that. No. I cried because my hearing aids flew off, and I was embarrased because they flew off.
2) I have eaten goat windpipe and esophogus. On a trip to Zambia, I was staying with a group of people in the bush of Africa. They decided to feed us one night (we had MRE's to eat, which would have been wayyyy better, but you never say no to hospitality). They fixed us goat. I stomached two bites, before saying I was full. Up until then, I thought cow tongue was the weirdest thing I'd ever eat...
3) I love popping zits. There is just something cathartic about popping them. I can't help myself. This drives Forrest absolutely crazy. It takes everything in me to keep from asking someone with a zit if I can pop it. And every morning, I wake up and look at my face in the mirror... why? I'm seeing if there are new zits to pop. Actually, it's not just zits. It's anything that oozes. A blister.. a sore... anything. I know... gross. (BTW, I am proud to say I never popped a single one of Shepherd's baby acne zits... it was very, VERY hard to resist)
4) I refuse to read books that come highly recommended to me. By this, I mean, if someone goes on, and on, and on and on about how GREAT this book is... the more they talk about it, the more people that recommend it, the more I don't want to read it. Not just books, either, but music too. I guess this stems from this desire I have to be completely original. I want to discover things before anyone else does. I want to be the first to read something or to listen to something. I absolutely HATE feeling like I'm jumping on the bandwagon. I'm sure I"m missing out on this, because I'm sure they are great books/music, it's just... I can't do it!!
5) The only reason I went to prom with the guy I went with my sophomore year was to get out of going with another guy who asked me. *whew* That feels good to confess that. I didn't like either guy (at all), but I really, really, REALLY didn't like one of them... so I told him I was going with the other guy. Had I been a mean girl, I would have told the other guy the same thing... but I was too nice. Plus? I kinda felt sorry for the guy... he'd already asked 5 girls, only to be turned down 5 times. I was number 6.
6) When I was 10 years old, I dug up my dead bird to see what it looked like after being buried for 2 weeks. Funny thing, birds don't look much different after being dead for 2 weeks. Best part about it? I made my brother do it with me. We found a feather, and he picked it up. I saw another one, and was like, "OH! Another one!" and pulled it, and out came the whole bird. I was a sick little girl to want to dig up something dead.
Now the best part... I get to choose 6 of you to tag to do the same thing.
1) Pierre @ MetroDad
2) Beth @ SotheFishSaid
3) Chris @ RudeCactus
4) Jussy (my brother), even though he hates these things
5) Suzanne @ Jax's Mom
6) Avorie @ Redinkydink
1) I wear hearing aids. Yep. I have a genetic hearing loss in the low frequencies that was passed down from my father, who got it from his dad, and so on and so on. I've always hated this. I got my first hearing aids at age 5. I was in Kindergarten. I remember playing kick-ball, and Josh Miller, the guy I had a crush on, threw the ball and hit my knees out from under me. I scraped both my knees up very badly. But I didn't cry because of that. No. I cried because my hearing aids flew off, and I was embarrased because they flew off.
2) I have eaten goat windpipe and esophogus. On a trip to Zambia, I was staying with a group of people in the bush of Africa. They decided to feed us one night (we had MRE's to eat, which would have been wayyyy better, but you never say no to hospitality). They fixed us goat. I stomached two bites, before saying I was full. Up until then, I thought cow tongue was the weirdest thing I'd ever eat...
3) I love popping zits. There is just something cathartic about popping them. I can't help myself. This drives Forrest absolutely crazy. It takes everything in me to keep from asking someone with a zit if I can pop it. And every morning, I wake up and look at my face in the mirror... why? I'm seeing if there are new zits to pop. Actually, it's not just zits. It's anything that oozes. A blister.. a sore... anything. I know... gross. (BTW, I am proud to say I never popped a single one of Shepherd's baby acne zits... it was very, VERY hard to resist)
4) I refuse to read books that come highly recommended to me. By this, I mean, if someone goes on, and on, and on and on about how GREAT this book is... the more they talk about it, the more people that recommend it, the more I don't want to read it. Not just books, either, but music too. I guess this stems from this desire I have to be completely original. I want to discover things before anyone else does. I want to be the first to read something or to listen to something. I absolutely HATE feeling like I'm jumping on the bandwagon. I'm sure I"m missing out on this, because I'm sure they are great books/music, it's just... I can't do it!!
5) The only reason I went to prom with the guy I went with my sophomore year was to get out of going with another guy who asked me. *whew* That feels good to confess that. I didn't like either guy (at all), but I really, really, REALLY didn't like one of them... so I told him I was going with the other guy. Had I been a mean girl, I would have told the other guy the same thing... but I was too nice. Plus? I kinda felt sorry for the guy... he'd already asked 5 girls, only to be turned down 5 times. I was number 6.
6) When I was 10 years old, I dug up my dead bird to see what it looked like after being buried for 2 weeks. Funny thing, birds don't look much different after being dead for 2 weeks. Best part about it? I made my brother do it with me. We found a feather, and he picked it up. I saw another one, and was like, "OH! Another one!" and pulled it, and out came the whole bird. I was a sick little girl to want to dig up something dead.
Now the best part... I get to choose 6 of you to tag to do the same thing.
1) Pierre @ MetroDad
2) Beth @ SotheFishSaid
3) Chris @ RudeCactus
4) Jussy (my brother), even though he hates these things
5) Suzanne @ Jax's Mom
6) Avorie @ Redinkydink
Holiday Breakdown
We had a great Easter. There is so much to write about, I don't know where to begin. The airplane ride would be a good one, I suppose.
We arrived at the airport early, hoping to avoid any check-in lines. But, behold, very long lines that I waited in with Shepherd dead asleep on my chest. After checking our bags, I went to go through security, and behold! more long lines!! So I waited... and waited some more. Until I finally got to the front of my line. "You've been flagged," the security screener told me. "Soo... that means?????" I replied. "You must go stand over in that line over there," and with that, he circled something on my ticket with huge red ink... Me.... a security threat to our nation. With a 2 month old strapped to my chest. *sigh*
Turns out, there were several of us with babies in the "flagged" line. I had to remove Shepherd from his sling, which woke him up, then walk through the most ridiculous contraption. You stand there, and it blows air on you from your head to your toes. Shepherd almost freaked out, and just looked at me like, "What the heck are they doing, mommy?" After going through security, and since Shepherd was awake, he decided that it was lunch time! Here I was, in the middle of a cramped airport, full of people, with no where to go to be private. So, I just decided that my son's hunger trumped everyones comfort, so I whipped out the boob and fed him, there amongst hundreds of waiting passengers. Thankfully, no one stoned me, but I did get some horrified looks from the old lady two rows across from me. She had saggy boobs anyways, so whatever, I don't care. After I fed him, he promptly fell back asleep. He slept the entire way to the plane, and through takeoff, the flight, and landing. No screaming child here!! *Whew*
We got to Raleigh, and mom and dad met us... it was so great seeing them. We drove to my hometown, and then went to the audiologist that my father, mother, and I go to, to check Shepherd's hearing. She knows our family history, and wanted to do some more thorough testing on Shepherd to make sure he didn't have my hearing loss (yes, I wear hearing aids... why? because I'm blind) (I always hate when people ask why I wear hearing aids. The better question is what type of hearing loss do you have or at least, what caused your hearing loss). Anyways, Shepherd does NOT have any type of hearing loss. His little ears work perfectly normal, and we're tickled to death about that.
The rest of the weekend, we spent visiting family, friends, and church folk from my dad's church. A grand time was had by all.. and we even got to see Shepherd's great-grandparents! They came on Saturday to see Shepherd, and there's nothing sweeter than seeing them hold Shepherd. We have pictures over at our flickr account.
With so many people, it's no wonder that Shepherd didn't do worse than he did (he was just a little fussy, but otherwise did well). I, on the other hand, was exhausted. Shepherd was eating every 1.5 to 2 hours, and at night, still the every 3 hours. I can't tell you how little sleep I'd gotten the week before traveling, much less the first few days there. On Saturday, I hit a wall. After feeding him before his bedtime, I handed him off to my mom, and started crying. Mom, Forrest, and my Aunt Heather (who has two little ones as well) all comforted me, and told me I needed to go sleep, they'd take care of Shepherd. I told them I couldn't sleep because at this point, I was beyond sleep. Forrest grabbed the keys to the car, and took me for a drive. We rolled the windows down, and drove through the countryside, listening to the crickets and frogs sing. I cried for the first 30 minutes, and just vented about everything that was bothering me. Then slowly I started to feel better, until finally, I was ready to go home. We'd been gone an hour, and Shepherd had been asleep 45 minutes of that. I went straight to bed, thinking that he'd wake up in 2 hours to feed again. 4 hours later, Shepherd woke up to eat. He slept for 5 hours!!! After feeding him again, I put him back down to sleep. He slept for an hour, but then woke up fussy. Mom had told me to bring him to her if he was fussy, so at 3 am, I handed him off again. She stretched him out for another couple of hours, and he went 5 hours again. So that night, I got some very good sleep. What a fabulous Easter present! :)
Then, as all good things have to come to an end, we came home last night. And today? I'm still recovering. There's no one here to hand him off to, no one else to hold him... just me and the boy, as Forrest is at work... but that's okay. I'm settling back into the swing of things here at home... because no matter how much I love North Carolina, and my family, this is our home... and no matter how many times I complain about living here... we live here... and I"m happy to be home again.
We arrived at the airport early, hoping to avoid any check-in lines. But, behold, very long lines that I waited in with Shepherd dead asleep on my chest. After checking our bags, I went to go through security, and behold! more long lines!! So I waited... and waited some more. Until I finally got to the front of my line. "You've been flagged," the security screener told me. "Soo... that means?????" I replied. "You must go stand over in that line over there," and with that, he circled something on my ticket with huge red ink... Me.... a security threat to our nation. With a 2 month old strapped to my chest. *sigh*
Turns out, there were several of us with babies in the "flagged" line. I had to remove Shepherd from his sling, which woke him up, then walk through the most ridiculous contraption. You stand there, and it blows air on you from your head to your toes. Shepherd almost freaked out, and just looked at me like, "What the heck are they doing, mommy?" After going through security, and since Shepherd was awake, he decided that it was lunch time! Here I was, in the middle of a cramped airport, full of people, with no where to go to be private. So, I just decided that my son's hunger trumped everyones comfort, so I whipped out the boob and fed him, there amongst hundreds of waiting passengers. Thankfully, no one stoned me, but I did get some horrified looks from the old lady two rows across from me. She had saggy boobs anyways, so whatever, I don't care. After I fed him, he promptly fell back asleep. He slept the entire way to the plane, and through takeoff, the flight, and landing. No screaming child here!! *Whew*
We got to Raleigh, and mom and dad met us... it was so great seeing them. We drove to my hometown, and then went to the audiologist that my father, mother, and I go to, to check Shepherd's hearing. She knows our family history, and wanted to do some more thorough testing on Shepherd to make sure he didn't have my hearing loss (yes, I wear hearing aids... why? because I'm blind) (I always hate when people ask why I wear hearing aids. The better question is what type of hearing loss do you have or at least, what caused your hearing loss). Anyways, Shepherd does NOT have any type of hearing loss. His little ears work perfectly normal, and we're tickled to death about that.
The rest of the weekend, we spent visiting family, friends, and church folk from my dad's church. A grand time was had by all.. and we even got to see Shepherd's great-grandparents! They came on Saturday to see Shepherd, and there's nothing sweeter than seeing them hold Shepherd. We have pictures over at our flickr account.
With so many people, it's no wonder that Shepherd didn't do worse than he did (he was just a little fussy, but otherwise did well). I, on the other hand, was exhausted. Shepherd was eating every 1.5 to 2 hours, and at night, still the every 3 hours. I can't tell you how little sleep I'd gotten the week before traveling, much less the first few days there. On Saturday, I hit a wall. After feeding him before his bedtime, I handed him off to my mom, and started crying. Mom, Forrest, and my Aunt Heather (who has two little ones as well) all comforted me, and told me I needed to go sleep, they'd take care of Shepherd. I told them I couldn't sleep because at this point, I was beyond sleep. Forrest grabbed the keys to the car, and took me for a drive. We rolled the windows down, and drove through the countryside, listening to the crickets and frogs sing. I cried for the first 30 minutes, and just vented about everything that was bothering me. Then slowly I started to feel better, until finally, I was ready to go home. We'd been gone an hour, and Shepherd had been asleep 45 minutes of that. I went straight to bed, thinking that he'd wake up in 2 hours to feed again. 4 hours later, Shepherd woke up to eat. He slept for 5 hours!!! After feeding him again, I put him back down to sleep. He slept for an hour, but then woke up fussy. Mom had told me to bring him to her if he was fussy, so at 3 am, I handed him off again. She stretched him out for another couple of hours, and he went 5 hours again. So that night, I got some very good sleep. What a fabulous Easter present! :)
Then, as all good things have to come to an end, we came home last night. And today? I'm still recovering. There's no one here to hand him off to, no one else to hold him... just me and the boy, as Forrest is at work... but that's okay. I'm settling back into the swing of things here at home... because no matter how much I love North Carolina, and my family, this is our home... and no matter how many times I complain about living here... we live here... and I"m happy to be home again.
Conversation on the Drive Home
As Shepherd had been sleeping so well the whole time....
F: I wonder if we need to wake him up... otherwise he'll be awake all night.
C: The last thing you want to do is wake him up.
F: No, the last thing I want to do is kill him.
C: Good Point.
And then, there was other conversations, which I can't post on here... we even talked about that:
C: My blog would be funnier, but since some of my family reads it, I think it holds me back
F: Yeah?
C: Yeah, my sense of humor is a bit crude.
F: You don't say...
Which lead to us making up curse words... a practice we probably should curb since Shepherd will be all ears and impressionable one day. Some of the words, were very funny. You'll have to take my word for it. But one of them, was particularly funny, and followed by the following conversation:
F: (laughs at my word) Corinne!! Would you say that if Shepherd understood English?
C: No, but if he understood Spanish, of course!!
Ahhh... the joys of parenthood... :) I'll post more later about our trip... but right now? I'm gonna go snuggle with the smiliest baby in the world... also? The cutest
F: I wonder if we need to wake him up... otherwise he'll be awake all night.
C: The last thing you want to do is wake him up.
F: No, the last thing I want to do is kill him.
C: Good Point.
And then, there was other conversations, which I can't post on here... we even talked about that:
C: My blog would be funnier, but since some of my family reads it, I think it holds me back
F: Yeah?
C: Yeah, my sense of humor is a bit crude.
F: You don't say...
Which lead to us making up curse words... a practice we probably should curb since Shepherd will be all ears and impressionable one day. Some of the words, were very funny. You'll have to take my word for it. But one of them, was particularly funny, and followed by the following conversation:
F: (laughs at my word) Corinne!! Would you say that if Shepherd understood English?
C: No, but if he understood Spanish, of course!!
Ahhh... the joys of parenthood... :) I'll post more later about our trip... but right now? I'm gonna go snuggle with the smiliest baby in the world... also? The cutest
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
Marketplace Monday #8 (aka I'm a Slacker)
I just realized that I didn't post anything on Monday for Marketplace monday... I'm sure you're all dissapointed (HA!) I could say that I tried to post but something happened, when really? I just forgot. Anyways... moving on.
Today's Marketplace item is the NoJo Sling.
I got this sling a few days ago, and LOVE it. I've been trying to find a good sling to carry Shepherd around the house every day. I have a Baby Bjorn, which is great when I'm walking or out hiking, but for around the house activities, or for when Shepherd wants to sleep, the baby sling is much much better. In fact, he's asleep on my chest right now, freeing up both hands for typing (for a change). Yesterday, I was able to do laundry, do dishes, and straighten the house all the while, Shepherd slept soundly in the sling. :)
In other news, Shepherd has decided that the 5 hours he gave us last weekend was just a trick. He's since been waking every three hours to feed at night. Which, you know, I wouldn't mind if he'd actually go back to sleep after eating.. and you know, if he was a quiet pooper. Yes, you read that right. My son is a noisy pooper. Shepherd will be horrified one day to read that, but ya know? It's true. He grunts and grunts when havng a BM. During the day, this is so dadgum cute, and we laugh together... he'll grunt, I'll laugh, and he'll smile at me for laughing, then grunting again. (I'm probably setting myself up to have a toddler who grunts and screams "I"m pooping!!!" when on the John, but whatever.. I can handle it). But yeah, back to the night-time grunting. After his 3 am feeding, he'll start to grunting. Which is fine, but since we have a baby monitor hooked up (I'm hearing impaired, so I don't trust myself to hear the baby.. plus, Forrest? hears NOTHING at night), I hear every grunt. Finally, after an hour of this (the child doesn't poop when on his back... simply refuses), I go pick him up. I'll put him in the bed with me, propped up on my arm, and he stops grunting for a while. Then, when we finally get up out of bed, he grunts one last time, and Presto!!!! Diaper's Full!!! And I'm not talking any old kind of full... I'm talking the kind of full that sends chills down your spine, and has you gagging at the sheer volume of poo that this infant has passed. Was that TMI? It probably was... oh well.
Anyways... hopefully, this weekend will provide some much needed rest for me. Tomorrow morning, I fly down to North Carolina to be with my family. Forrest is coming down later after work on Friday. We're very excited. I'm pretty nervous. I hope Shepherd doesn't scream the whole flight there. I guess we'll find out. So if I don't post anything, you know where I am... Hope you all have a fabulous Easter!!!
Today's Marketplace item is the NoJo Sling.
I got this sling a few days ago, and LOVE it. I've been trying to find a good sling to carry Shepherd around the house every day. I have a Baby Bjorn, which is great when I'm walking or out hiking, but for around the house activities, or for when Shepherd wants to sleep, the baby sling is much much better. In fact, he's asleep on my chest right now, freeing up both hands for typing (for a change). Yesterday, I was able to do laundry, do dishes, and straighten the house all the while, Shepherd slept soundly in the sling. :)
In other news, Shepherd has decided that the 5 hours he gave us last weekend was just a trick. He's since been waking every three hours to feed at night. Which, you know, I wouldn't mind if he'd actually go back to sleep after eating.. and you know, if he was a quiet pooper. Yes, you read that right. My son is a noisy pooper. Shepherd will be horrified one day to read that, but ya know? It's true. He grunts and grunts when havng a BM. During the day, this is so dadgum cute, and we laugh together... he'll grunt, I'll laugh, and he'll smile at me for laughing, then grunting again. (I'm probably setting myself up to have a toddler who grunts and screams "I"m pooping!!!" when on the John, but whatever.. I can handle it). But yeah, back to the night-time grunting. After his 3 am feeding, he'll start to grunting. Which is fine, but since we have a baby monitor hooked up (I'm hearing impaired, so I don't trust myself to hear the baby.. plus, Forrest? hears NOTHING at night), I hear every grunt. Finally, after an hour of this (the child doesn't poop when on his back... simply refuses), I go pick him up. I'll put him in the bed with me, propped up on my arm, and he stops grunting for a while. Then, when we finally get up out of bed, he grunts one last time, and Presto!!!! Diaper's Full!!! And I'm not talking any old kind of full... I'm talking the kind of full that sends chills down your spine, and has you gagging at the sheer volume of poo that this infant has passed. Was that TMI? It probably was... oh well.
Anyways... hopefully, this weekend will provide some much needed rest for me. Tomorrow morning, I fly down to North Carolina to be with my family. Forrest is coming down later after work on Friday. We're very excited. I'm pretty nervous. I hope Shepherd doesn't scream the whole flight there. I guess we'll find out. So if I don't post anything, you know where I am... Hope you all have a fabulous Easter!!!
Monday, April 10, 2006
Book Burning Anyone?!
I will admit, I've fallen prey to the pluthera of parenting philosophies that are out there today. Are you attachment parenting? Are you letting your baby cry it out? What parenting philosophy do you subscribe to? I'm fed up with every single one of them. I'm sure they all have their good points, but let me explain my frustration.
In the height of the no-sleeping longer than 2 hours or 3 hours at a stretch, I was frustrated. Very frustrated. I began wondering when my child would sleep longer. Someone... and I wish I could remember who, so I could publicly flog them, recommended this book to me. The book, Babywise, sounded wonderful in theory, and so, I began reading it, and trying a few of the things it suggested in it. Then yesterday, as I researched it some more (because, I don't normally buy into things without some research, but had been too tired to research before now).... I came across this article, this article, and finally, this article.
Y'all, I'm furious. What I thought would help my baby, will hurt him. What I thought was a good suggestion, was a terrible one. This book has been flagged by the AAP as a dangerous parenting method. So I've officially thrown the book away. I'm furious too because I'm so fed up with the vast amounts of differing opinions on this subject of parenting. When our parents were raising us, there was almost NOTHING there to help them. But we have everything at the tips of our fingers. Just Google it, and it's there.
My conclusion? I will listen to my doctor, and my instinct. I refuse to buy into a particular "method" wholeheartedly because each one has it's drawbacks. Plus? I feel I know my son best... and someone telling me when to feed him, when to hold him, or how to raise him just doesn't sit right with me. My son has thrived so far, even though I'm getting little sleep. But my sleep is nothing when it comes to raising a healthy baby boy. I would give it all up to make sure he's okay. So Dr. Ezzo, take your book and SHOVE IT!
In the height of the no-sleeping longer than 2 hours or 3 hours at a stretch, I was frustrated. Very frustrated. I began wondering when my child would sleep longer. Someone... and I wish I could remember who, so I could publicly flog them, recommended this book to me. The book, Babywise, sounded wonderful in theory, and so, I began reading it, and trying a few of the things it suggested in it. Then yesterday, as I researched it some more (because, I don't normally buy into things without some research, but had been too tired to research before now).... I came across this article, this article, and finally, this article.
Y'all, I'm furious. What I thought would help my baby, will hurt him. What I thought was a good suggestion, was a terrible one. This book has been flagged by the AAP as a dangerous parenting method. So I've officially thrown the book away. I'm furious too because I'm so fed up with the vast amounts of differing opinions on this subject of parenting. When our parents were raising us, there was almost NOTHING there to help them. But we have everything at the tips of our fingers. Just Google it, and it's there.
My conclusion? I will listen to my doctor, and my instinct. I refuse to buy into a particular "method" wholeheartedly because each one has it's drawbacks. Plus? I feel I know my son best... and someone telling me when to feed him, when to hold him, or how to raise him just doesn't sit right with me. My son has thrived so far, even though I'm getting little sleep. But my sleep is nothing when it comes to raising a healthy baby boy. I would give it all up to make sure he's okay. So Dr. Ezzo, take your book and SHOVE IT!
Sunday, April 09, 2006
Good Parenting? or Beginner's Luck?
This weekend, two nights in a row, Shepherd slept for 5.5 hours.
Allow me to repeat that.
FIVE and ONE HALF HOURS.
I was scared to post anything the first night, fearing it was just a fluke... that he'd worn his little self out and just slept hard. But the second night he did that? I rejoiced. And tonight? Well... we're going on 3 hours, and not a peep. I know I should be asleep, but I'm not used to getting to bed until after his 11 o'clock feeding... so I don't know what to do with myself now! :) How we managed the shift in nocturnal sleeping patterns? I have no earthly idea. I wish I could tell you that I supplied to a particular method, or what not, but in reality? I'm wingin' it over here. I told my dad tonight that sometimes I feel like I'm going to screw this kid up... I feel so inadequate, so unprepared, so unequipped for parenthood. And I wondered how on earth they got to be such great parents. He laughed at me, and said they were in the same boat 25 years ago. It's hard to imagine my parents struggling as parents because in the end? Well... they were great parents!!! So maybe we'll end up there. But for now? I'll just celebrate this beginner's luck. :)
Allow me to repeat that.
FIVE and ONE HALF HOURS.
I was scared to post anything the first night, fearing it was just a fluke... that he'd worn his little self out and just slept hard. But the second night he did that? I rejoiced. And tonight? Well... we're going on 3 hours, and not a peep. I know I should be asleep, but I'm not used to getting to bed until after his 11 o'clock feeding... so I don't know what to do with myself now! :) How we managed the shift in nocturnal sleeping patterns? I have no earthly idea. I wish I could tell you that I supplied to a particular method, or what not, but in reality? I'm wingin' it over here. I told my dad tonight that sometimes I feel like I'm going to screw this kid up... I feel so inadequate, so unprepared, so unequipped for parenthood. And I wondered how on earth they got to be such great parents. He laughed at me, and said they were in the same boat 25 years ago. It's hard to imagine my parents struggling as parents because in the end? Well... they were great parents!!! So maybe we'll end up there. But for now? I'll just celebrate this beginner's luck. :)
Friday, April 07, 2006
Big Grins Version 3.0
Y'all, I got the best pictures of Shepherd smiling today. You have to head over to our flickr page to see them. Make sure to check out the Smiles Slideshow...
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
Because I'm smart like that, Part Deux
By my nature, I'm a fix-it-yourself kind of gal. In college, my parents bought a condo in our small college town for my brother and I to live in. When the toilet upstairs broke? I replaced all it's innards. When the outside light broke? I replaced it with one bought at Lowes. The pantry that was too small to hold all of our housemates food? I built shelves to go in it. I painted the bathroom and the kitchen myself. I was rather proud of myself for my fix-it sense. Then I got married.... to do-it-yourself kind of guy. So there have been times when we were almost to blows wanting to assemble something together. However, this has gotten MUCH MUCH better over the last year. But sometimes, when he's at work, I'll sneak in a little fix-it here and there.
Today? I learned my lesson.
I was straightening up the house while Shepherd took a nap, and decided to flip our mattress. Our Queen Sized Mattress. And, not just the mattress, but to rotate the box-spring. This is a two-man job. But stubborn as I am, I was all, "I can do it!!!" The mattress, I got off easy. I just propped it up against our treadmill. Then came the rotating of the box spring. I decided the best way to accomplish this was to lift the box spring on it's side, and stand in the middle of the bed frame and rotate it. I totally forgot that I was standing on Forrest's drafting table that we've stowed away under our bed, that's covered in dust. I also forgot that I was wearing no-grip flip flops. Yeah, I'm THAT smart. Mid-way through the turn, and my feet slip out from under me. Down I go on the wooden side-rail with my back, and down comes the box spring on top of me. I sat there stunned for a second, then laughed. I thought, "Man, I haven't had a good fall like that in years!" (Does this tell you how clumsy I was in high school and college?!) I managed to get up and finish the job. When I was done, I changed my shirt, and got a glimpse of my back. Y'all, someone is going to think Forrest beat me. My back is black and blue from the fall, and hurts like crazy. I took and Advil already, but it still hurts. Thing is, I think it was kind of funny... and I totally learned a lesson. Never move anything bigger than you without another adult there to assist you.
Today? I learned my lesson.
I was straightening up the house while Shepherd took a nap, and decided to flip our mattress. Our Queen Sized Mattress. And, not just the mattress, but to rotate the box-spring. This is a two-man job. But stubborn as I am, I was all, "I can do it!!!" The mattress, I got off easy. I just propped it up against our treadmill. Then came the rotating of the box spring. I decided the best way to accomplish this was to lift the box spring on it's side, and stand in the middle of the bed frame and rotate it. I totally forgot that I was standing on Forrest's drafting table that we've stowed away under our bed, that's covered in dust. I also forgot that I was wearing no-grip flip flops. Yeah, I'm THAT smart. Mid-way through the turn, and my feet slip out from under me. Down I go on the wooden side-rail with my back, and down comes the box spring on top of me. I sat there stunned for a second, then laughed. I thought, "Man, I haven't had a good fall like that in years!" (Does this tell you how clumsy I was in high school and college?!) I managed to get up and finish the job. When I was done, I changed my shirt, and got a glimpse of my back. Y'all, someone is going to think Forrest beat me. My back is black and blue from the fall, and hurts like crazy. I took and Advil already, but it still hurts. Thing is, I think it was kind of funny... and I totally learned a lesson. Never move anything bigger than you without another adult there to assist you.
So, so, so sad.... *pout*
Herb Sendek heads to Arizona State
You can also read Dick Vitale's commentary about his departure here. This is truely a sad, sad day for NC State.....
Goodbye Herbie....
You can also read Dick Vitale's commentary about his departure here. This is truely a sad, sad day for NC State.....
Goodbye Herbie....
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
Support Group Lesson #1
You will always think your child is the most well behaved for his age at the group. Then, on your car ride home, he will prove you very, VERY wrong.
Today I met with Beth and Mia at a New Mom's support group. I was nervous, because I wasn't sure how Shepherd would behave, and I didn't know anyone there except Beth. I worried that they would be all judgey on me because I use a pacifier (hey, it works for me) or that Shepherd would get hungry and it'd be awkward breastfeeding. I think Beth was worried Mia would scream but she didn't. She was a TOTAL ANGEL. I even got to hold her (aren't you jealous?!) Anyways, so we get there, and we go around the room introducing ourselves, our babies, and how old our babies are. There were several other babies that were Shepherd's age... They all behaved fabulously, well, except for one who fussed, but I think he was hot... his mommy had him bundled up pretty warmly. Anyways, breastfeeding was TOTALLY not a problem (men you would have loved it, there were boobs flashing left and right) and Shepherd behaved like an angel. After the meeting, Beth, Mia, Shepherd, and I headed to eat lunch, where again, he was angelic, and Queen Mia was so cute eating her lunch of avocados. Since Shepherd was so good at both the meeting and lunch, I decided to push my luck and grab a few things at Target on my way home. Again, he did fairly well, only fussing for a little bit. Then, on the car ride home... he screamed his head off. I couldn't do anything because I was in heavy traffic, so the only thing I could do was crank the stereo up louder to drown out his screams. Thank you Mr. Johnny Cash. When I got closer to home, I cut the stereo down, and Shepherd was done screaming and had fallen back to sleep. Again, Thank you Mr. Cash. So we're home now, and I'm feeding the little booger. Hopefully he'll have a restful afternoon, and will try to take another nap, as yesterday, he didn't, and there was hell to pay for it. So here's hoping!!
Today I met with Beth and Mia at a New Mom's support group. I was nervous, because I wasn't sure how Shepherd would behave, and I didn't know anyone there except Beth. I worried that they would be all judgey on me because I use a pacifier (hey, it works for me) or that Shepherd would get hungry and it'd be awkward breastfeeding. I think Beth was worried Mia would scream but she didn't. She was a TOTAL ANGEL. I even got to hold her (aren't you jealous?!) Anyways, so we get there, and we go around the room introducing ourselves, our babies, and how old our babies are. There were several other babies that were Shepherd's age... They all behaved fabulously, well, except for one who fussed, but I think he was hot... his mommy had him bundled up pretty warmly. Anyways, breastfeeding was TOTALLY not a problem (men you would have loved it, there were boobs flashing left and right) and Shepherd behaved like an angel. After the meeting, Beth, Mia, Shepherd, and I headed to eat lunch, where again, he was angelic, and Queen Mia was so cute eating her lunch of avocados. Since Shepherd was so good at both the meeting and lunch, I decided to push my luck and grab a few things at Target on my way home. Again, he did fairly well, only fussing for a little bit. Then, on the car ride home... he screamed his head off. I couldn't do anything because I was in heavy traffic, so the only thing I could do was crank the stereo up louder to drown out his screams. Thank you Mr. Johnny Cash. When I got closer to home, I cut the stereo down, and Shepherd was done screaming and had fallen back to sleep. Again, Thank you Mr. Cash. So we're home now, and I'm feeding the little booger. Hopefully he'll have a restful afternoon, and will try to take another nap, as yesterday, he didn't, and there was hell to pay for it. So here's hoping!!
Monday, April 03, 2006
Marketplace Monday #7 (or Crack Cocaine for the Post-Partum mother)
I was bad. The other day, I had some errands to run, and one of those errands had me walking past a group of these:
Yes, Spring is in the air, and they come crawling out of the woodwork. I'd done well, so far, at avoiding them, but alas, I finally ran into a group of Girl Scouts. Why have I avoided them?! Because of this:
This, my friends, is the equivalent to crack-cocaine. I cannot stop at one, much less 2... in fact, I have to admit, I cannot consume less than 4 at a time. I bought 2 boxes, and the second box is almost gone. *sigh* I joked with Forrest last night that the reason I wasn't a girl scout was because of the cookies. I would have been the fatest girl scout ever... and wold have bought my entire supply of Samoas myself. What's your favorite girl scout cookie?!
Yes, Spring is in the air, and they come crawling out of the woodwork. I'd done well, so far, at avoiding them, but alas, I finally ran into a group of Girl Scouts. Why have I avoided them?! Because of this:
This, my friends, is the equivalent to crack-cocaine. I cannot stop at one, much less 2... in fact, I have to admit, I cannot consume less than 4 at a time. I bought 2 boxes, and the second box is almost gone. *sigh* I joked with Forrest last night that the reason I wasn't a girl scout was because of the cookies. I would have been the fatest girl scout ever... and wold have bought my entire supply of Samoas myself. What's your favorite girl scout cookie?!
Sunday, April 02, 2006
Wonderful Weekend
We spent all day Saturday at the park, enjoying the sunshine, and just getting out for a change. We capped the evening off with hamburgers and drinks at Cheeseburger in Paradise (wonderful, wonderful Mai Tai!!). Then last night, Forrest got up for one of the middle of the night feedings and fed Shepherd, allowing me to sleep more than 2 hours. And then today? He let me nap while taking care of a fussy baby. Isn't my husband the greatest!? :) Anyways, it's been good for both of us, because while I'm getting a break, Forrest is getting some time with Shepherd. So it was a great weekend... head on over to our flickr account to see some of the pictures from the weekend... :)
Friday, March 31, 2006
Evidence
I've posted some new pictures over at Flickr of Shepherd smiling. It's hard to catch them on film since he's smiling so little yet, but when he does smile, he lights up the room! I can't wait for him really smile a lot... :)
Thursday, March 30, 2006
So I totally forgot to tell y'all
But yesterday marked 4 years that Forrest and I have been together. 4 years ago, yesterday, Forrest and I went on our first date to the Banff Mountain Film Festiival. We hit it off pretty well, and here we are four years later. I never thought that we'd be here. From the moment I met Forrest (several weeks before our date), I was head over heels. But I just knew there was no way he'd ever fall for me... my history with guys (at least good, decent guys) was pretty bleak. So when he called me a week after we met and asked me out, I was shocked. I still thought that he only meant to go out as friends. But he paid for dinner. He bought the film tickets. He called me later that week after our date and we talked for several hours. Three weeks after that date, I was still in denial until, at dinner one night, with several friends, he reached his foot under the table and started playing footsies. Y'all, this may seem childish, and juvenile, but it was SO FREAKIN' AWESOME. You don't just play footsies with anyone!! But it's been a wonderful journey so far, and I'm so happy to be with the man of my dreams... the man I never thought would fall for me, but he did. Happy Four Years, Baby!! I love you!!!
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
You may be wondering...
What's up with the lack of good posts lately (other than adorable pictures and videos and such)? I have no excuse, other than I have no idea what to write about anymore. Well, I do... but when I go to write, my mind goes completely blank. I think it may have something to do with the lack of sleep.
Last week, I reached an new level of desperation (heh, does that make me a desperate housewife? nah...). I'm an extrovert (no duh! you say) and love being around people. The problem with moving to a whole new city where you have no friends is... well, you have no friends! It's been extra hard for me to meet new people because, while I'm an extrovert, I'm extremely bad at meeting new people. I can get all shy and clam up, and talk about dumb things like the weather. Once I'm past that, I'm okay. But getting past that is hard. So last week, at my wits end, and having seen no other adult other than Forrest in 2 weeks (I met Beth a few weeks ago for lunch) I decided I'd call my great-aunt Margaret, who's 80 years old, and go visit her. We actually had a great time. She took me and Shepherd to lunch, and then we went and hung out at her house. Yes... I hung out with an 80 year old widow. :) The best part? Looking at old pictures of our family. It's amazing how much I look like my great-grandmother (her mother). Then yesterday, I went to visit her daugher, my first cousin-once removed (if you'd like an explination about the difference between first cousin and first cousin once removed, I'll give you my dad's phone number because he knows all of that stuff, which gets a little complicated, and the only way I ever understood it was when he drew a diagram for me...ANYWAYS).
My cousin has a new puppy... Gracie:
Gracie is a Welsh Terrier, and is the cutest thing since sliced bread. My cousin held Shepherd while I played with the puppy. We had so much fun just hanging out. All this to say, I definately need to find people to hang out with that are my age. Granted, I had a lot of fun with my family (my cousin is my dad's age), but I really need to meet some women my age. I'm thinking of going to a Bible Study at church that's made up of moms, but other than that, what are some ways to meet people? I know there are websites for playgroups and such, but where do I find them?
Changing subjects, I'm excited about the next few weeks. Next weekend, Forrest's mom and step-dad are coming up to celebrate Forrest's birthday and to see Shepherd. The weekend after that, we're going to North Carolina to visit my family for Easter. Mom is flying me and Shepherd down the Thursday before Easter (Forrest has to work that whole week) and then Forrest will drive down Friday night. I can't WAIT to visit home again. I always enjoy seeing family and friends. Well, I hate to cut this short, but Shepherd just started fussing, so I need to go see what's happening... I'll close with a picture of us this morning...
Last week, I reached an new level of desperation (heh, does that make me a desperate housewife? nah...). I'm an extrovert (no duh! you say) and love being around people. The problem with moving to a whole new city where you have no friends is... well, you have no friends! It's been extra hard for me to meet new people because, while I'm an extrovert, I'm extremely bad at meeting new people. I can get all shy and clam up, and talk about dumb things like the weather. Once I'm past that, I'm okay. But getting past that is hard. So last week, at my wits end, and having seen no other adult other than Forrest in 2 weeks (I met Beth a few weeks ago for lunch) I decided I'd call my great-aunt Margaret, who's 80 years old, and go visit her. We actually had a great time. She took me and Shepherd to lunch, and then we went and hung out at her house. Yes... I hung out with an 80 year old widow. :) The best part? Looking at old pictures of our family. It's amazing how much I look like my great-grandmother (her mother). Then yesterday, I went to visit her daugher, my first cousin-once removed (if you'd like an explination about the difference between first cousin and first cousin once removed, I'll give you my dad's phone number because he knows all of that stuff, which gets a little complicated, and the only way I ever understood it was when he drew a diagram for me...ANYWAYS).
My cousin has a new puppy... Gracie:
Gracie is a Welsh Terrier, and is the cutest thing since sliced bread. My cousin held Shepherd while I played with the puppy. We had so much fun just hanging out. All this to say, I definately need to find people to hang out with that are my age. Granted, I had a lot of fun with my family (my cousin is my dad's age), but I really need to meet some women my age. I'm thinking of going to a Bible Study at church that's made up of moms, but other than that, what are some ways to meet people? I know there are websites for playgroups and such, but where do I find them?
Changing subjects, I'm excited about the next few weeks. Next weekend, Forrest's mom and step-dad are coming up to celebrate Forrest's birthday and to see Shepherd. The weekend after that, we're going to North Carolina to visit my family for Easter. Mom is flying me and Shepherd down the Thursday before Easter (Forrest has to work that whole week) and then Forrest will drive down Friday night. I can't WAIT to visit home again. I always enjoy seeing family and friends. Well, I hate to cut this short, but Shepherd just started fussing, so I need to go see what's happening... I'll close with a picture of us this morning...
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
So Cute!!!
I love cuddling with my son, especially when he falls asleep on my chest and looks so irresistably cute!!!
Marketplace Monday #6
I realized I'd forgotten to put this up yesterday, and was reminded this morning. This week's featured product?
Baby Trend's Diaper Champ
This thing uses regular kitchen bags, no special bags neccessary, and holds a ton of diapers w/o stinking up the nursery. I'm sure when we start solids it'll be a different story, but for now? I love this thing.
This thing uses regular kitchen bags, no special bags neccessary, and holds a ton of diapers w/o stinking up the nursery. I'm sure when we start solids it'll be a different story, but for now? I love this thing.
Monday, March 27, 2006
You may want to turn the volume up for this one
Shepherd demonstrates for us the proper way to pass gas.
Thursday, March 23, 2006
Evening with our Family
Daddy comes home, and Shepherd has just finished dinner. After burping Shepherd, he falls asleep on Daddy's chest.
Then, while sleeping, Shepherd lets one rip, and fills up his diaper. After changing the dirty diaper, Shepherd is wide awake and ready to play.
Goblin Daddy!
Shepherd seems to wake up just in time for one last playtime before bed with Daddy. Although I'm sure he thinks that his parents are absolutely crazy.
You're one silly, silly man
After playtime, it's time to get Shepherd ready for bed, so we start the bath, and undress him... only to find that his onsie stuck on his head looks very funny...
Mommy and Daddy are having way too much fun making me look silly!
Then it's bath time!!!
Followed by a lonnnnnnnnnng nights sleep (hey a girl can dream can't she?!
Then, while sleeping, Shepherd lets one rip, and fills up his diaper. After changing the dirty diaper, Shepherd is wide awake and ready to play.
Shepherd seems to wake up just in time for one last playtime before bed with Daddy. Although I'm sure he thinks that his parents are absolutely crazy.
After playtime, it's time to get Shepherd ready for bed, so we start the bath, and undress him... only to find that his onsie stuck on his head looks very funny...
Then it's bath time!!!
Followed by a lonnnnnnnnnng nights sleep (hey a girl can dream can't she?!
Because I'm smart like that
So, YAY!, Shepherd slept well last night, and so did I.
But, BOO! He woke up screaming and demanding food every hour or two.
So, YAY! That means he's going through a little growth spurt.
Yet, BOO! That means my baby boy is growing up too fast....
To show what a total goober I am (or at least demonstrate how sleep deprivation affects me) I figured I'd share the following. Shepherd finally laid down for a nap a little while ago, and I figured I'd take advantage and get a shower, shave my legs (which, eww, hadn't been done since BEFORE his birth) and just get pretty. However, in the process of cleaning up, I totally forgot to rinse the conditioner out of my hair. But I didn't realize this until I was blowdrying my hair, and behold, greasy roots and a spot that won't dry. The easy solution to this would be to shower again or at least stick my head under the faucet. But, no... I'm too tired for that, plus, Shepherd started fussing and I didn't want to push my luck. So I'm walking around w/ conditioner laiden hair, that looks no cleaner than when I started.... *sigh* The joys of motherhood... However, this makes it allllll worth it:
But, BOO! He woke up screaming and demanding food every hour or two.
So, YAY! That means he's going through a little growth spurt.
Yet, BOO! That means my baby boy is growing up too fast....
To show what a total goober I am (or at least demonstrate how sleep deprivation affects me) I figured I'd share the following. Shepherd finally laid down for a nap a little while ago, and I figured I'd take advantage and get a shower, shave my legs (which, eww, hadn't been done since BEFORE his birth) and just get pretty. However, in the process of cleaning up, I totally forgot to rinse the conditioner out of my hair. But I didn't realize this until I was blowdrying my hair, and behold, greasy roots and a spot that won't dry. The easy solution to this would be to shower again or at least stick my head under the faucet. But, no... I'm too tired for that, plus, Shepherd started fussing and I didn't want to push my luck. So I'm walking around w/ conditioner laiden hair, that looks no cleaner than when I started.... *sigh* The joys of motherhood... However, this makes it allllll worth it:
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
Total Exhaustion
I think I've reached my breaking point. Shepherd is sleeping fine at night... 3 hours at a time, sometimes 4. So it's really not his fault. I just think the weeks upon weeks of sleep deprivation is finally getting to me. Last night, I got up to feed Shepherd, and when he wouldn't stay latched on (sometimes he's lazy), I felt like throwing him against the wall. So finally, when I was done feeding him, I handed him to Forrest and said, "Here, you take him, I'm going to sleep." And I did. I feel really bad though, because the whole night, I was irritated and angry with Shepherd for having to eat so much. I was also extremely exhausted (still am!). I know this gets better, but when? When does the baby sleep through the night? Or at least long enough so I can get some much needed rest?! I've tried coaxing him to sleep some more this morning, but he's in the most playful mood, wide eyed and awake. Anyways... I'll try to write a more uplifting post later, but for now... I'm going to go try not to fall asleep playing with my son.
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Lights, Camera, Action!!!
This morning, I put Shepherd in his crib so that I could get a few things done. He had the cute bedhead and everything, and was cooing at the mobile... so I couldn't resist putting some video of him up...
Monday, March 20, 2006
One Month, 4 weeks, 30 days
Today, Shepherd is one month old. I'm still amazed at how fast time has flown by since his birth. Last night, while holding him, I broke down crying because it feels as though he's growing up so fast. I thought of all the things that he'll go through and experience, and I was incredibly joyful, but also incredibly terrified. I love my son so much, and I don't want to miss a moment of his growing up... I just want to sit and bask in the moment, and watch him learn and grow.
Sleepyhead Dino-Baby!
Boy, you're funny lookin'!!!!
But all this said, everything is wonderful. I love my son so much, and I'm so excited to see the progress he's making. My only qualm is that I'm not sleeping very well at night, and having a hard time getting a nap during the day. Poor Forrest has to get up and work every day, so I tend to let him sleep... but he still will get up from time to time to change a dirty diaper or bring Shepherd to me for a feeding. I don't know how he does it without naps during the day, but he's my hero... I'd go crazy without him. This weekend was good for all of us. Forrest got some good quality time with Shepherd during the day (when Shepherd is active), and our visitors were at a minimum. That last thing made all the difference in the world. It was so nice to just hang out and not have anything to do but watch movies, play with Shepherd, and of course... cheer on NC State (who totally sucked, but whatever...). Shepherd couldn't resist getting in on the action and help cheer State on...
Yes... that is a real smile, and not gas related...
So, Happy One Month Birthday baby boy!!! Your daddy and I love you SOOOO much!!! And remember, please don't grow up too fast....
Sleepyhead Dino-Baby!I have no idea how much he's grown since his last doctor's visit, but I do know that he's filling out his little clothes a whole lot better. He's also eating like a champ. He's on a good schedule, eating every 3 hours (occasionally he'll go longer or shorter periods of time).
Is it dinnertime again!? I'm Hungry!!!!!
We've started noticing slight changes in Shepherd's facial expressions. He's a very, very observant little guy, carefully watching the persons face who is holding him or closest to him. This is one of the expressions we get a lot of... not quite a smile, but definately a reaction to someone cooing and talking with him:
Is it dinnertime again!? I'm Hungry!!!!!
Boy, you're funny lookin'!!!!But all this said, everything is wonderful. I love my son so much, and I'm so excited to see the progress he's making. My only qualm is that I'm not sleeping very well at night, and having a hard time getting a nap during the day. Poor Forrest has to get up and work every day, so I tend to let him sleep... but he still will get up from time to time to change a dirty diaper or bring Shepherd to me for a feeding. I don't know how he does it without naps during the day, but he's my hero... I'd go crazy without him. This weekend was good for all of us. Forrest got some good quality time with Shepherd during the day (when Shepherd is active), and our visitors were at a minimum. That last thing made all the difference in the world. It was so nice to just hang out and not have anything to do but watch movies, play with Shepherd, and of course... cheer on NC State (who totally sucked, but whatever...). Shepherd couldn't resist getting in on the action and help cheer State on...
Yes... that is a real smile, and not gas related...
Marketplace Monday #5
Last night, in the middle of the night, I was trying to think of what I could post for today's marketplace. After feeding Shepherd, and changing his diaper, it came to me. It's wonderful fragrance (note: sarcasm!) has permiated our home... yet, it has become a lifesaver.
Desitin
DesitinShepherd had developed quite a nasty diaper rash. We'd been using Boudreaux's Butt Paste but the diaper rash wasn't healing as fast as we'd like. So I went out and bought this stuff. Granted, the stuff smells to high heavens (like old people), but it works. 2 days later, and his diaper rash is almost all clear. The only problem is this stuff is like wallpaper paste, and impossible to get off your hands. Seriously, I spent 5 minutes last night trying to get the stuff out from under my nails, and even when I was done, my hands still smelled like old people. But to those of you out there expecting babies soon? Get you some of this... you might think your child will be perfect and not have any sort of diaper rash, but trust me... they will....
Friday, March 17, 2006
Guess What?!?!
I totally shouldn't have done this, but I tried a pair of my pre-pregnancy jeans on. Granted, they are the largest pair I had, but still... THEY FREAKIN' FIT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They might be a tad tight in the butt, but at least they fit me! I can button AND zip them up!! The belt I wore pre-pregnancy is another story, but who cares!? I'm wearing REAL JEANS for the first time in 8 months!!!!!!!!! Holy Crap, could this day get ANY better?!?!
Memories
Since I have nothing clever to write about today, I figured that I'd allow you, the reader, to share with us a funny story of you while you were in college (or if you didn't go to college, while you were in your late teens/early twenties). Me? I think my best story shows how naive I was early on in college...
I had this awful, terrible, no good, very bad roommate. She cursed like a sailor, listened to hard core punk rock, and was generally very, very mean. We were actually friends before we roomed together, but then she started yelling at me, and cursing me out every single day. A lot of my education in curse words happened in that one short semester. One day, she said a word that I'd never heard. I can't remember the context in which she used it, but the word? Twat. I'll let those of you who don't know the definition of that word google it... I'm not about to. Anyways... I asked her what it meant, and she said it meant your butt. That should have been the end of it, but was it? Noooooo....
A few days later, I was going to hang out with some friends in the lobby of our dorm. Everyone from my floor was there (co-ed floor), and my best guy friend was sitting there hanging out. Thinking I'd be cool and use a new word that I'd learned, I walked up to Ted and said, "Mind if I sit my twat right here?" and sat down on his lap. I knew something was wrong the moment the room went completely silent. I looked at Ted, and his eyes were wide open, and he was turning a million shades of red. My friend Laina asked me what I said, and like an idiot... I repeated it. The room erupted into laughter, while Laina continued, "Corinne, do you know what that means?" "No," I said, "I thought it meant 'butt'." To my horror, she explained to me what it meant, all the while, I'm frozen sitting on Ted's lap. When she was done, I took one look at Ted, still wide eyed and red-faced, took a look around the very full lobby, and ran to my room crying. In hindsight, that's probably the funniest thing and the most embarrassing thing to happen to me, but I have to laugh at myself.
What about you? What's your most embarrassing/funny story from college? Don't be shy!!
I had this awful, terrible, no good, very bad roommate. She cursed like a sailor, listened to hard core punk rock, and was generally very, very mean. We were actually friends before we roomed together, but then she started yelling at me, and cursing me out every single day. A lot of my education in curse words happened in that one short semester. One day, she said a word that I'd never heard. I can't remember the context in which she used it, but the word? Twat. I'll let those of you who don't know the definition of that word google it... I'm not about to. Anyways... I asked her what it meant, and she said it meant your butt. That should have been the end of it, but was it? Noooooo....
A few days later, I was going to hang out with some friends in the lobby of our dorm. Everyone from my floor was there (co-ed floor), and my best guy friend was sitting there hanging out. Thinking I'd be cool and use a new word that I'd learned, I walked up to Ted and said, "Mind if I sit my twat right here?" and sat down on his lap. I knew something was wrong the moment the room went completely silent. I looked at Ted, and his eyes were wide open, and he was turning a million shades of red. My friend Laina asked me what I said, and like an idiot... I repeated it. The room erupted into laughter, while Laina continued, "Corinne, do you know what that means?" "No," I said, "I thought it meant 'butt'." To my horror, she explained to me what it meant, all the while, I'm frozen sitting on Ted's lap. When she was done, I took one look at Ted, still wide eyed and red-faced, took a look around the very full lobby, and ran to my room crying. In hindsight, that's probably the funniest thing and the most embarrassing thing to happen to me, but I have to laugh at myself.
What about you? What's your most embarrassing/funny story from college? Don't be shy!!
Thursday, March 16, 2006
Preacher Man
I was reminded by my brother that he does have a blog, so I moseied on over there to check it out. I came across his post about the campus preacher, Gary, and decided to look up some info myself.
When I was in college, Gary came to preach. I remember the first time I heard him preach on Sanford Mall, I was a young freshman, who still had a ways to go in her own journey of faith. But I still remember that day as clear as it were yesterday. Several of my friends were sitting around debating with Gary, and I walked up to join them, just to listen. Gary pointed at me and asked me, "Do you love God?" I answered, "Yes" and he continued, "Then why do you sin?" This infuriated me, and I walked away, completely stunned that a man who considered himself a Christian could espout such hatred.
The God that I knew (and know) is a God of love... a God whose harshest words were saved for the religious right of his day. I felt that Gary grossly misrepresented God, and that those who weren't Christians would label all of us according to the standard set by Gary, or at least something like that. Every year, Gary would return in the spring, pointing at people, and telling them they were going to hell. Every year, I would walk by Gary, angry at him and the other Christians debating him. I had come to realize that arguing with Gary did no good. The best I could do was to live my life to show my own beliefs that God loves everyone... Gay, Straight, Christian, Atheist, Muslim, Hindi, Black, White, and so on... We can't choose who God loves... therefore, we shouldn't choose who we love. My one hope is that I live my life showing others love... and that possibly I can somehow undo some of the damage done by preachers like Gary...
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Is it just me?
Or do all of you have the same terrifying fear that people won't like you? Today I had lunch with the beautiful Beth and Mia Mia is even more beautiful than her pictures (if that's possible) and Beth, of course, is gorgeous (and no I'm not just butt-kissing here). To be honest with you, I was totally terrified of meeting either one of them. Not because I thought Beth was some schizophrenic psycho (which, you know, she could be... but... Nah!), but because I was terrified that she wouldn't like me. I have a pretty low-self esteem at times, and post pregnancy is one of them. I mean, who gains 50 lbs, and doesn't feel a wee bit concious of how she looks? But anyways... I was saying... Does everyone feel like this? Or is it just me? Do even the pretty girls out there get nervous and hope that people like them? I mean, yeah, I hope that people like me for me (the me on the inside), but there's always this part of me that wants to be liked because I'm pretty too... GOSH, that sounds so shallow when I type it out, but I'm leaving it because you know what? It's the truth.
Anyways... moving on... We had a great lunch, even if at times it might have been a wee bit awkward, which I just chalk up to my own jittery nerves. Shepherd and I are looking forward to lunch again. Plus, Mia was just absolutely angelic... she even seemed to like Shepherd! (at least she screamed happy squeels when he finally awoke from his slumber to peek out at the world). Don't you wish you could have had lunch today with Queen Mia and her wonderful mom? I know you do....
Anyways... moving on... We had a great lunch, even if at times it might have been a wee bit awkward, which I just chalk up to my own jittery nerves. Shepherd and I are looking forward to lunch again. Plus, Mia was just absolutely angelic... she even seemed to like Shepherd! (at least she screamed happy squeels when he finally awoke from his slumber to peek out at the world). Don't you wish you could have had lunch today with Queen Mia and her wonderful mom? I know you do....
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Goodbye Ice Cream, Goodbye Cheese...
Goodbye Milk, Goodbye Creams
Goodbye Lactose, I'll miss you dear
May I see you come a year?
Well, we had the doctors visit, and we went over EV-ER-Y-THING. Our last hope is that it's the dairy in my diet that's causing the bouts of gas or fussiness. Well, that and maybe Shepherd just hasn't learned to poop yet. The doctor said some babies will tense up their tummies to push the poo out, but at the same time, tense up their rectums... so they're working against themselves. Worst part about this? You can't teach an infant to relax their bums, you can only hope they figure it out. We did figure that as long as you bounce Shepherd on your knee, he's okay. But I can't very well bounce him on my knee all night... I have to sleep sometime!!! So we bought a bouncy chair that has that built in vibration thingy... So far today, it's worked well. Tonight, he's still fussy, but not as much as last night. I'm hoping that cutting out dairy will help... only thing is, I'm not a fan of Soy milk, but I am a fan of cereal for breakfast, so... I bought some so that I can manage to eat something I like for breakfast... We'll see how that goes. Here's hoping that things work themselves out soon...
Goodbye Lactose, I'll miss you dear
May I see you come a year?
Well, we had the doctors visit, and we went over EV-ER-Y-THING. Our last hope is that it's the dairy in my diet that's causing the bouts of gas or fussiness. Well, that and maybe Shepherd just hasn't learned to poop yet. The doctor said some babies will tense up their tummies to push the poo out, but at the same time, tense up their rectums... so they're working against themselves. Worst part about this? You can't teach an infant to relax their bums, you can only hope they figure it out. We did figure that as long as you bounce Shepherd on your knee, he's okay. But I can't very well bounce him on my knee all night... I have to sleep sometime!!! So we bought a bouncy chair that has that built in vibration thingy... So far today, it's worked well. Tonight, he's still fussy, but not as much as last night. I'm hoping that cutting out dairy will help... only thing is, I'm not a fan of Soy milk, but I am a fan of cereal for breakfast, so... I bought some so that I can manage to eat something I like for breakfast... We'll see how that goes. Here's hoping that things work themselves out soon...
Again with the Screaming
The past few days, Shepherd has had trouble with his gastro track. This is the sort of thing he'll kill me for blogging about one day. Every time the spirit hits him, and he feels "moved", he screams bloody murder. Poor thing spent most of his waking hours last night crying and screaming through farts and poop... or at least the attempt at poop. He's gone from a regular sort of guy to a once a day kind of guy, and this has us worried. Thankfully, my pediatricians office will see him today, and we can find out what's going on, and get the kinks worked out in his system.
Sidenote: HOLY CRAP! My son just actually grabbed the starfish on his swing and held on to it for a little bit!!!!!!! Very impressive!
Anyways, I'm trying my best not to worry about every single little problem that comes up because I realize that babies cry... babies get gas... babies get constipated. I just don't want to ignore anything that might indicate a problem. (If you knew me, you know that I have a history of being mildly hypochondriatic, something I've spent years trying to overcome, and desperately don't want to pass on to my son.) For the most part, I realize that we have a healthy little boy, and there's nothing to worry about. It's just the mommy in me hates to see him scream and cry in pain with the gas... Well, he's starting up again... better go!
Sidenote: HOLY CRAP! My son just actually grabbed the starfish on his swing and held on to it for a little bit!!!!!!! Very impressive!
Anyways, I'm trying my best not to worry about every single little problem that comes up because I realize that babies cry... babies get gas... babies get constipated. I just don't want to ignore anything that might indicate a problem. (If you knew me, you know that I have a history of being mildly hypochondriatic, something I've spent years trying to overcome, and desperately don't want to pass on to my son.) For the most part, I realize that we have a healthy little boy, and there's nothing to worry about. It's just the mommy in me hates to see him scream and cry in pain with the gas... Well, he's starting up again... better go!
Monday, March 13, 2006
3 weeks
Shepherd,
You turn three weeks old today. I can't believe that time has gone by this fast. I look back, and the three weeks before you were born seem so much longer than the three weeks since then. You're growing up so fast. You are already in Size One diapers, outgrowing the newborn diapers that were so tiny and cute. Already, you're learning to focus on faces, and starting to track them. You watched Daddy for a long time last night, and we just sat there in amazement watching you learn. You also reach for things. Whenever you're in your swing, you watch the starfishes that hang from the swing, and occasionally will reach out and try to grab it. I never knew that these seemingly small things would mean so much to me.
You're getting better at sleeping at night, which is wonderful for both mommy and daddy. The only time you have trouble sleeping is when you have to be around people all day, or you're being held all day long. It's almost as if you need some quiet time to yourself during the day. This works out nicely for both of us. You're content to lie in your crib and coo at yourself and watch the cows and sheep that hang from your mobile, and that allows mommy some time to herself to do mommy things. People ask me if I miss my life before you... which is a loaded question (you'll learn more about these things when you get older). I loved my life before you, but my life is so much better with you in it. I wouldn't want life without you. The 2 am feedings, the poopy diapers, the endless screaming, all are worth it when you look at me when I pick you up, or the way you stop crying when you're in mommy's arms. I love all of these things about you... and I love YOU, so deeply that it's scary. I feel pain when you feel pain. I'm so sorry I bonked your head on the cabinets the other day after your bath... but you were a champ. You only cried for 30 seconds. I cried the entire afternoon. I would never hurt you, and to think that I caused you pain hurts me deeper than I've ever been hurt. All of this to say, I love you more than I've ever loved someone. Yes, I love your Daddy a whole lot, but the love I have for you is completely different. You've made me the happiest person in the world... and I look forward to watching you grow up. But please, don't grow up too fast...
You turn three weeks old today. I can't believe that time has gone by this fast. I look back, and the three weeks before you were born seem so much longer than the three weeks since then. You're growing up so fast. You are already in Size One diapers, outgrowing the newborn diapers that were so tiny and cute. Already, you're learning to focus on faces, and starting to track them. You watched Daddy for a long time last night, and we just sat there in amazement watching you learn. You also reach for things. Whenever you're in your swing, you watch the starfishes that hang from the swing, and occasionally will reach out and try to grab it. I never knew that these seemingly small things would mean so much to me.
You're getting better at sleeping at night, which is wonderful for both mommy and daddy. The only time you have trouble sleeping is when you have to be around people all day, or you're being held all day long. It's almost as if you need some quiet time to yourself during the day. This works out nicely for both of us. You're content to lie in your crib and coo at yourself and watch the cows and sheep that hang from your mobile, and that allows mommy some time to herself to do mommy things. People ask me if I miss my life before you... which is a loaded question (you'll learn more about these things when you get older). I loved my life before you, but my life is so much better with you in it. I wouldn't want life without you. The 2 am feedings, the poopy diapers, the endless screaming, all are worth it when you look at me when I pick you up, or the way you stop crying when you're in mommy's arms. I love all of these things about you... and I love YOU, so deeply that it's scary. I feel pain when you feel pain. I'm so sorry I bonked your head on the cabinets the other day after your bath... but you were a champ. You only cried for 30 seconds. I cried the entire afternoon. I would never hurt you, and to think that I caused you pain hurts me deeper than I've ever been hurt. All of this to say, I love you more than I've ever loved someone. Yes, I love your Daddy a whole lot, but the love I have for you is completely different. You've made me the happiest person in the world... and I look forward to watching you grow up. But please, don't grow up too fast...
Marketplace Monday #4
Since Shepherd was born, I feel as though my washer has not stopped running. Everyday, there are dirty clothes to wash, whether they be mine, Forrest's, or Shepherd's. Most of the time, they are Shepherd's. We finally figured out that his newborn diapers were too small, thus creating leakage everytime he peed, and thus... creating mountains of laundry for me. We've since switched him to size 1 diapers (seriously? size one?! He's only 3 weeks old!!!!) and the laundry has been cut in half. But still... in the spirit of dirty laundry, I present...
Tide
I use this because mom used it, and I love the stuff. I've trie other detergents, but nothing works or smells like Tide.
I use this because mom used it, and I love the stuff. I've trie other detergents, but nothing works or smells like Tide.
The Art of Biting One's Tongue
We had a weekend. Yes, I realize most people follow that up with good, bad, wonderful, horrible, etc, but ours? Was just a weekend. I'd love to go into more detail, but there are some things I don't talk about on here. Let's just put it this way, there were guests, Shepherd got cranky, decided not to sleep Saturday night... or rather, his poor digestive system decided not to function properly and he's learned to scream every time he poops. I don't know if it's a phase, or if it's a genuine problem. He's pooping at least once a day, so I know he's not constipated, but according to all the books (yes, I realize most of them are full of it), Shepherd should be pooping at every feeding, if not every other. I know it's normal for a baby to grunt pretty hard when having a "moving experience", but is it normal for him to scream his head off?
Anyways, I digress... The weekend was okay. If anything, Forrest and I realize how much of a team we are, and by Sunday night, we were professing our love for one another over and over. As for me? I'm slowly learning the art of biting my tongue. It's so hard not to say the things you want to say, or rather, to complain about people who drive you batty. My reaction to past relationships where someone hurt me has been to lash out verbally... or at least to communicate everything I'm feeling to that person to let them know how they hurt me. But sometimes, it's best to bite your tongue. Either because it's inappropriate or because anything you say will go in one ear and our the other... or, because what you say might be just as hurtful, malicious, manipulative as what that person said, and to say anything would be to stoop to their level. Granted, I'm not very far along in learning this, but it's a start.
We did have family in to see Shepherd, and it was nice to see them. They really enjoyed seeing Shepherd. It's so hard when people come to see him, because everyone wants to hold him. Which is totally fine, but I've learned in the past few weeks that if Shepherd is held all day long without several good naps alone in his crib, that he tends to be cranky at night and not sleep as well. It's likely that he gets overstimulated and has a hard time calming down. So, I now know to make sure to take Shepherd away, and allow him some time in his crib, even if he's not sleeping (he likes to lie there and watch his mobile, and will coo at himself for quite awhile... it's so cute!!) It's so hard... learning all of these things about my son... things I didn't know about babies. And also, learning about my son's personality.
Well, I'd better go feed the little one... Hope y'all have a happy Monday!!
Anyways, I digress... The weekend was okay. If anything, Forrest and I realize how much of a team we are, and by Sunday night, we were professing our love for one another over and over. As for me? I'm slowly learning the art of biting my tongue. It's so hard not to say the things you want to say, or rather, to complain about people who drive you batty. My reaction to past relationships where someone hurt me has been to lash out verbally... or at least to communicate everything I'm feeling to that person to let them know how they hurt me. But sometimes, it's best to bite your tongue. Either because it's inappropriate or because anything you say will go in one ear and our the other... or, because what you say might be just as hurtful, malicious, manipulative as what that person said, and to say anything would be to stoop to their level. Granted, I'm not very far along in learning this, but it's a start.
We did have family in to see Shepherd, and it was nice to see them. They really enjoyed seeing Shepherd. It's so hard when people come to see him, because everyone wants to hold him. Which is totally fine, but I've learned in the past few weeks that if Shepherd is held all day long without several good naps alone in his crib, that he tends to be cranky at night and not sleep as well. It's likely that he gets overstimulated and has a hard time calming down. So, I now know to make sure to take Shepherd away, and allow him some time in his crib, even if he's not sleeping (he likes to lie there and watch his mobile, and will coo at himself for quite awhile... it's so cute!!) It's so hard... learning all of these things about my son... things I didn't know about babies. And also, learning about my son's personality.
Well, I'd better go feed the little one... Hope y'all have a happy Monday!!
Friday, March 10, 2006
Did that really just happen?!
I just finished feeding Shepherd a minute ago. And I realized something. We went to bed at 9 (his last feeding at 8:30pm)... woke up at 12:30am to feed (that's 4 hours folks)... then woke up again at 4:15am to feed (almost 4 hours). This is the longest that Shepherd has ever done this. Normally, our schedule is feed at 8:30pm, 11:30pm, 2:30am, and 5:30am. Sweet, blessed mother of God... we got sleep last night!!! I feel like a new woman! And to top it off? He's asleep again... so what do I plan to do?! Sleep some more... maybe he'll let me sleep until 8:30am!!!
*victory dance*
*victory dance*
Thursday, March 09, 2006
Shepherd's Playlist
I've noticed since Shepherd was born that certain cd's I play will quiet him, and possibly even lull him to sleep. This probably stems from the music I listened to when he was in utero. And if I say so myself, my son has great taste in music... the few songs I've listed were hard to choose from all the songs on the album.. but still, here are a few good songs or albums...
Iron and Wine: Our Endless Numbered Days, Passing Afternoons
Denison Witmer: Philedelphia Songs, Stations
Kings of Convinience: Riot on an Empty Street, Homesick
Sigur Ros: Eighteen Seconds before Sunrise
Coldplay: X & Y, Fix You
John Denver: Greatest Hits
Damien Jurado: Where shall you take me, Window
And many, many more... The only way I came across half of these is because of my wonderful brother, who for years has been making me mixed cds of different music, and I've come to love several of these groups through that. John Denver, however, is an all time favorite of mine since I was a kid, when Mom and Dad would listen to his albums. Hopefully, Shepherd will grown up to love music as much as we do, and will look back on his childhood as I do mine, and may the songs take him back...
Also, just a sidenote, we did go to the doctor this morning about the gas problem Shepherd's been having. Everything is okay, we just have instructions for Mycolin now, and also? Remember how on Monday, Shepherd weighed 8 lbs, 7 oz? Today? He weighed 9 lbs. NINE POUNDS!!!! My baby is getting HUGE!!!! *sniff* They grow up so fast don't they???
Names I've Called my Son...
Enough with the sentimental entries. I know there are those of you out there who enjoy the sentimental entries and enjoy a good cry, but they make my life out to be a whole lot nicer than it really is. They make ME out to be a whole lot nicer than I really am.
You see, I love my son tremendously, and I meant every word I wrote in my last entry. However, it is quite possible that I have called him the "Spawn of Satan" in the last 24 hours. And it's quite possible that I had to put him down in his crib screaming, and walk away because I was to the point where throwing him at the wall seemed like a good solution (trust me, I would never do this, I was just incredibly frustrated). I have woken up to him crying, only to roll my eyes, and sulk into his room to feed him at 2 am, then while feeding him, contemplate why I am breastfeeding in the first place, and not using formula. Because, DADGUM, this is hard work! Yes, I love my son, and yes, I'd never hurt him... and of course! I want the best for him. But life isn't always happy and easy. Sleep deprivation is hard. Breastfeeding is hard. Trying to soothe a screaming infant is hard, especially when you've done everything you can do. I guess it's the love I have for Shepherd that keeps me going. If it weren't for that, I feel as though there are times I'd just simply throw my hands up in the air and give up. But I'm glad I don't. Because walking in his room this morning, and picking him up, I smelled his hair, and all of that love floods back in. No, it doesn't make it easier. But, I guess it makes it worth it. (there's that sentimental crap again!!)
So veteran parents... tell me, Have you dealt with this? Does it get easier? Or are there just new things that frustrate you?
You see, I love my son tremendously, and I meant every word I wrote in my last entry. However, it is quite possible that I have called him the "Spawn of Satan" in the last 24 hours. And it's quite possible that I had to put him down in his crib screaming, and walk away because I was to the point where throwing him at the wall seemed like a good solution (trust me, I would never do this, I was just incredibly frustrated). I have woken up to him crying, only to roll my eyes, and sulk into his room to feed him at 2 am, then while feeding him, contemplate why I am breastfeeding in the first place, and not using formula. Because, DADGUM, this is hard work! Yes, I love my son, and yes, I'd never hurt him... and of course! I want the best for him. But life isn't always happy and easy. Sleep deprivation is hard. Breastfeeding is hard. Trying to soothe a screaming infant is hard, especially when you've done everything you can do. I guess it's the love I have for Shepherd that keeps me going. If it weren't for that, I feel as though there are times I'd just simply throw my hands up in the air and give up. But I'm glad I don't. Because walking in his room this morning, and picking him up, I smelled his hair, and all of that love floods back in. No, it doesn't make it easier. But, I guess it makes it worth it. (there's that sentimental crap again!!)
So veteran parents... tell me, Have you dealt with this? Does it get easier? Or are there just new things that frustrate you?
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Love
I've been struggling with writing lately. Besides my entry on Uncle Jim, I've felt almost robotic in what I've written. I've wondered what was going on, and until a few minutes ago, I still had nothing. Then, something happened that opened my eyes. I had just finished feeding Shepherd, and had put him in the swing so I could throw a load of laundry in. At first he was content to swing, but then he began crying. I was in the middle of loading the washer, so, I let him cry a minute (I know, I'm a bad mother, don't tell me how awful it is that I et my son cry)/ When I was done, I went over to the swing to pick him up, because he was approaching screaming level. And when I picked him up, he stopped crying immediately. He buried his face into my chest, and sighed deeply. I held him, thinking it was gas and he had to burp... or that he was sleepy and wanted to sleep. But I looked down a minute later, and he was wide eyed, with his sweet chheks pressed against my chest. With that, it was as if a dam of emotion broke within me, and I realized that my son just wanted to be close to his mommy. To be held, to be hugged, and to be told how much he's loved. And in that moment, I loved him deeper than I've ever loved before. Yes, I love my husband deeply, and nothing compares to that love, but this love is different. I realized how much my son needs me... not just for physical nourishment, but for emotional nourishment... for love. As I look down on him sleeping on my chest right now, my heart swells beyond anything I ever imagined it could. I realized also that before now, the reason it's been so hard to write about Shepherd is because it is SO HARD to put into words all of the feelings that you feel... the love, the joy, the frustration, the doubts, the fears... because there are so many, and they are so complex that putting them down in words is nearly impossible. In fact, it is impossible. Maybe one day, I'll come close to describing it... but I doubt it. Until then, I know what's in my heart... and I feel it so strongly that it hurts.
Shepherd, please know that I love you deeply
Shepherd, please know that I love you deeply
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
You know it's gonna be a long day...
...when you hear your son mess his pants through the baby monitor. So, after a diaper change, and having a wide awake baby that won't nap... I had to snap some pictures.
Bath Time!!!
He's totally going to be a heartbreaker
Whaddup, yo?!?
A Man Amongst Men
I've been meaning to write about our weekend, but we've had a time getting Shepherd back on a schedule that allows me to sleep more than 2 hours every night. Even though last night was just as rough, I figured I'd better take the time to write some thoughts down before they slip away.
My childhood was a fun one. Especially when we went to 'The Farm" (as we called it). My grandfather and grandmother lived in the old homeplace of Rose Isle. My grandfather was a cattle farmer (at times he'd grown peaches, raised hogs, chickens... everything, but his main area of expertise was cows). His brother, my Uncle Jim, helped him on the farm. When I was just 7 years old, my grandfather was killed in an automobile accident. I still remember where I was when I found out. My mom and dad were getting us ready for a stint overseas as missionaries. My dad had dropped my mom, brother, and I off at Toys-R-Us to look for some travel games to play on the airplane. I saw my dad walk into the store and ran over to him, only I noticed he'd been crying. I asked him what was wrong, and all he could say was, "Where's your mother?" We found mom, and went to the car. Mom drove while dad told us that he'd received a call that his father had been killed in an accident. A tractor trailer pulled out in front of my grandfather on a 2 lane highway. My grandfather swerved to miss him, and hit a tree. He wasn't wearing his seatbelt, and died instantly. I tell you this because I loved my grandfather dearly. He had a hearing loss like me, so he was a quiet man... unless you got with him one on one, or in a small gathering. His hands were large and rough from the farm-work he did. He always drove us around on the tractor, and set up hay bales for us to play on.
His passing was very hard for me to understand. We stayed at my grandmothers house for a little while before leaving for the mission field, and while we were there, my Uncle Jim would come over and take us on tractor rides... and hold us in his lap, much like my grandfather would.
Uncle Jim and I feeding a newborn calf
He smelled like grandaddy... that mixture of diesel, cow manure, sweat, and whatever aftershave he used. I didn't know it then, and I didn't know it until last week, but Uncle Jim soon became like a grandfather to me. When I was in college, my Uncle Jim sent my brother and I (and the other nieces and nephews) a check for 10 grand to use towards education. It was a very generous gift for a farmer... and one that to this day I'm very grateful for. When Forrest was looking for a job, Uncle Jim took great interest in learning some about what Forrest did, and was extremely proud of Forrest when he got a job in DC. So proud, you'd have thought Forrest was his own flesh and blood grandson. Then, the news about our pregnancy. Uncle Jim, aside from our parents, was the one person who I can honestly say was the most excited of anyone about the impending birth of our little boy. So much so that he'd ask daily if there was a baby yet. And last Tuesday, my mom and dad stopped by to see Uncle Jim and showed him Shepherd's picture. Uncle Jim looked at my dad and said, "Donnie, Steady me." My father asked him why. Uncle Jim said, "So I can hold the baby!" In his mind, my parents had brought Shepherd to him. They weren't just pictures that my Uncle Jim saw, but it was the baby. The next morning, Uncle Jim died.
We drove down Friday night to be with the family. We missed the viewing, but I was assured that there would be a private viewing the next morning. My aunt (dad's sister) cried when she saw Shepherd, and held him while crying. She'd been the one to tell Uncle Jim that Shepherd was born. She'd been the one Uncle Jim asked daily about Shepherd... So holding that baby in her arms was healing for her. It was healing for me. We slept well that night, and woke up early the next morning as the family began flooding the house. Everyone wanted to see Shepherd, and everyone told us how much Uncle Jim wanted to see him. As we sat around, we shared stories of Uncle Jim, and I thought back on the years, and tried to piece together all the memories. I tried to hold them in my mind, so I could close my eyes, and one last time see Uncle Jim the way I remembered him. I remember his huge, rough hands. He'd gather us up as children and hold us in his arms...
Justin (my brother), Uncle Jim, and me
I remember the feeling of the flannel shirts or the denim jean jacket, along with his suspenders as I pressed my face in his chest. I remember quietly listening to him talk... he had a very loud voice, mostly because of his hearing loss. He'd talk loud and laugh loud. Along with that laugh, came the joy of fun. Uncle Jim LOVED to have fun. He knew how to play... and he played with us kids.
Uncle Jim playing the Ukelele for me
But most of all, Uncle Jim knew how to love. If you met him in the store, or on the street, you might not think him a loving man. He was tall, burly, and rough looking. But he was the gentlest man I've known. And even though his hands were rough from years of work on the farm, when they held us, somehow, they were the softest hands we'd ever felt.
Me, my cousins Bethany, Becky, Uncle Jim, and my brother, Justin
And each year at Christmas, Uncle Jim would announce his arrival to the homeplace by ringing the black fire-bell that hung outside. In my heart, I know that if there are bells in heaven, Uncle Jim must surely be enjoying himself.... Ringing them for eternity.
My childhood was a fun one. Especially when we went to 'The Farm" (as we called it). My grandfather and grandmother lived in the old homeplace of Rose Isle. My grandfather was a cattle farmer (at times he'd grown peaches, raised hogs, chickens... everything, but his main area of expertise was cows). His brother, my Uncle Jim, helped him on the farm. When I was just 7 years old, my grandfather was killed in an automobile accident. I still remember where I was when I found out. My mom and dad were getting us ready for a stint overseas as missionaries. My dad had dropped my mom, brother, and I off at Toys-R-Us to look for some travel games to play on the airplane. I saw my dad walk into the store and ran over to him, only I noticed he'd been crying. I asked him what was wrong, and all he could say was, "Where's your mother?" We found mom, and went to the car. Mom drove while dad told us that he'd received a call that his father had been killed in an accident. A tractor trailer pulled out in front of my grandfather on a 2 lane highway. My grandfather swerved to miss him, and hit a tree. He wasn't wearing his seatbelt, and died instantly. I tell you this because I loved my grandfather dearly. He had a hearing loss like me, so he was a quiet man... unless you got with him one on one, or in a small gathering. His hands were large and rough from the farm-work he did. He always drove us around on the tractor, and set up hay bales for us to play on.
His passing was very hard for me to understand. We stayed at my grandmothers house for a little while before leaving for the mission field, and while we were there, my Uncle Jim would come over and take us on tractor rides... and hold us in his lap, much like my grandfather would.
He smelled like grandaddy... that mixture of diesel, cow manure, sweat, and whatever aftershave he used. I didn't know it then, and I didn't know it until last week, but Uncle Jim soon became like a grandfather to me. When I was in college, my Uncle Jim sent my brother and I (and the other nieces and nephews) a check for 10 grand to use towards education. It was a very generous gift for a farmer... and one that to this day I'm very grateful for. When Forrest was looking for a job, Uncle Jim took great interest in learning some about what Forrest did, and was extremely proud of Forrest when he got a job in DC. So proud, you'd have thought Forrest was his own flesh and blood grandson. Then, the news about our pregnancy. Uncle Jim, aside from our parents, was the one person who I can honestly say was the most excited of anyone about the impending birth of our little boy. So much so that he'd ask daily if there was a baby yet. And last Tuesday, my mom and dad stopped by to see Uncle Jim and showed him Shepherd's picture. Uncle Jim looked at my dad and said, "Donnie, Steady me." My father asked him why. Uncle Jim said, "So I can hold the baby!" In his mind, my parents had brought Shepherd to him. They weren't just pictures that my Uncle Jim saw, but it was the baby. The next morning, Uncle Jim died.
We drove down Friday night to be with the family. We missed the viewing, but I was assured that there would be a private viewing the next morning. My aunt (dad's sister) cried when she saw Shepherd, and held him while crying. She'd been the one to tell Uncle Jim that Shepherd was born. She'd been the one Uncle Jim asked daily about Shepherd... So holding that baby in her arms was healing for her. It was healing for me. We slept well that night, and woke up early the next morning as the family began flooding the house. Everyone wanted to see Shepherd, and everyone told us how much Uncle Jim wanted to see him. As we sat around, we shared stories of Uncle Jim, and I thought back on the years, and tried to piece together all the memories. I tried to hold them in my mind, so I could close my eyes, and one last time see Uncle Jim the way I remembered him. I remember his huge, rough hands. He'd gather us up as children and hold us in his arms...
I remember the feeling of the flannel shirts or the denim jean jacket, along with his suspenders as I pressed my face in his chest. I remember quietly listening to him talk... he had a very loud voice, mostly because of his hearing loss. He'd talk loud and laugh loud. Along with that laugh, came the joy of fun. Uncle Jim LOVED to have fun. He knew how to play... and he played with us kids.
But most of all, Uncle Jim knew how to love. If you met him in the store, or on the street, you might not think him a loving man. He was tall, burly, and rough looking. But he was the gentlest man I've known. And even though his hands were rough from years of work on the farm, when they held us, somehow, they were the softest hands we'd ever felt.
And each year at Christmas, Uncle Jim would announce his arrival to the homeplace by ringing the black fire-bell that hung outside. In my heart, I know that if there are bells in heaven, Uncle Jim must surely be enjoying himself.... Ringing them for eternity.
Monday, March 06, 2006
2 weeks old
Shepherd is 2 weeks today. We had our 2 week check-up at the doctor's office to see how things are going. Shepherd is a healthy little boy. His birth weight was 7 lbs, 10 oz. Today, he weighed 8 lbs, 7 oz.... so DAD-GUM! My boy is growing fast!!! He's in the 50th percentile in weight, length, and head circumference, so he's a perfect little cube. The hardest part about the visit was his Hep-B shot. I think it hurt me worse than it hurt him, because I couldn't help but cry. Poor little fella didn't cry when they put the needle in... no.. he didn't start crying until the nurse started injecting the stuff into his thigh. And boy did he scream. For the first time, I understood what moms everywhere talk about when they say they can feel their child's pain. I literally hurt watching him get the shot... but after the shot, with his pacifier, Shepherd calmed down, and stopped crying.
He's been fine since... in fact, he's sitting in his swing, watching the little star thing that hangs down over him. I swear he's the cutest little guy EVER!!!!
I love brownies... mmmmm, good!
He's been fine since... in fact, he's sitting in his swing, watching the little star thing that hangs down over him. I swear he's the cutest little guy EVER!!!!
Marketplace Monday #3
Since Shepherd was born, we've been on a quest to find the perfect diaper. We were told to try all the brands to see which one worked best for us. We finally settled on one brand, simply because it doesn't leak every time Shepherd pees. All other brands, no matter how tight we put the diaper on, no matter how many times we checked to see if it was full, they all leaked... creating way more laundry than necessary. So which brand did we pick?
Pampers
Now, I realize that everyone has their own favorite diaper brand... some choose the off brands, some choose Huggies, but here in our house, these things are little miracles... and they soak up every drop that Shepherd lets out.
Pampers
Now, I realize that everyone has their own favorite diaper brand... some choose the off brands, some choose Huggies, but here in our house, these things are little miracles... and they soak up every drop that Shepherd lets out.
Sunday, March 05, 2006
Down for the Count
Well, we survived the weekend. All of us are very, very tired. I have so much to post about our trip and about the family, and I'll post soon. Until then, we've GOT to catch up on sleep. We went to bed at 6 tonight, and just woke up to eat dinner and feed Shepherd... and now it's back to bed. Kind of sad when 6 pm is your bedtime....
Friday, March 03, 2006
All Pimped Out
Shepherd got a bath this morning to wash off some of the funk that had accumulated from last nights blow-out poopers. And then, he got all pimped out for his trip to see the family...
How YOU doin'?
Thursday, March 02, 2006
First Trip...
Tomorrow, we leave for the funeral. Thankfully, it isn't that far of a drive, only a few hours away. And thankfully, we'll be staying in the mother-in-law suite of my aunt's house, with a room to ourselves big enough and quiet enough for Shepherd to sleep. I'm kind of nervous about traveling, but when I think of not being there for my uncle's funeral, it kills me. I can't leave Shepherd here with Forrest because we're brestfeeding... so the most logical thing is to all travel together to be with the family. Where I'm nervous about traveling, I'm very excited as well. My entire family... great-uncles, aunts, grandmother, cousins, etc... will be there. And they'll all get to see Shepherd. I can't wait for my grandmother to see him. She has alzheimer's and can't remember a thing, but who am I to say that somewhere deep in the darkness of her mind, she knows... and she recognizes me and my baby.
So today, I've been working on a list of things to take with us. If any of you out there have any suggestions as to "must haves" for these kinds of trips that I might not think to take... please suggest away...
Otherwise, I leave you with a rare picture of me and baby, postpartum... (you won't get many of these):
So today, I've been working on a list of things to take with us. If any of you out there have any suggestions as to "must haves" for these kinds of trips that I might not think to take... please suggest away...
Otherwise, I leave you with a rare picture of me and baby, postpartum... (you won't get many of these):
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
Goodbye Uncle Jim...
My father called me this morning. My great-uncle Jim passed away last night. Uncle Jim was like a grandfather to me. My own grandfather (his brother) passed away when I was only 6 years old. He and my Uncle Jim ran the family farm together until Grandaddy's passing. Uncle Jim never had children... his wife was unable to carry children full-term, and this was before IVF... but he always desperately loved children, and thus loved us. When he found out we were expecting, he was so excited. Sometime after Thanksgiving, he fell and broke his shoulder, and had to go into the nursing home for rehab. He'd been there since, and had developed more problems there. However, every time someone would visit, he'd ask them if we'd had the baby yet. He couldn't WAIT to hold the baby... and Forrest and I couldn't wait for Shepherd to be held by Uncle Jim. Just by providence, mom and dad stopped by yesterday to visit Uncle Jim. They showed him pictures... and he loved them. He told my dad, "Well, you'll have to hold me up!" when my dad asked him what he meant, he said, "You'll have to hold me up so that I can hold that baby!" Then, last night, as he slept, Uncle Jim passed away. Whether or not he was waiting to see pictures of Shepherd, we'll never know. But my heart is broken. I loved Uncle Jim as a grandfather... I couldn't wait to see him hold my son... to have pictures of such a beautiful occasion... and now, to deal with his death, is almost too much. I look at Shepherd and cry, because I know that my Uncle was so looking forward to seeing him. I guess he did see him... and hopefully, that was enough.
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