Wednesday, September 28, 2005

What I really want this fall...


Fairgrounds
Originally uploaded by meandscreech.
Is to go to a good ol' country fair. Complete with ferris wheel, cotton candy, candy apples, tractor pulls, cow shows, turkey legs, and of course... deep fried twinkies :)
Have I found one in VA yet? No... so if you know where one is, please, I beg of you... let me know!!! A pregnant woman demands here turkey legs and funnel cakes!!!

Brought to you by your local Mormon Church...

I'm sitting here in the library in the middle of 5 mormon missionaries. I'm guessing the mormon bicycle convention has moved to town, and they're here checking their e-mail (they can't have cars, but they can e-mail!?!? who knew?!?) I've seen the guy next to me lean back and glance at my computer screen several times, so I've been very, very tempted to type something incredibly leud and vulgar in large font to startle him, nosey lil' missionary! Or maybe pull up a semi-obscene photo and laugh at it, and nudge him to join me in my sin and laugh at the obscenities I put forth on my computer. But no, I'm much nicer than that. However, with a few of the guys staring at my growing belly, I kinda want to say to them, "Yeah, I got knocked up and I can't remember who the dad is. Would you like a second or third wife? I'm obviously very fertile!" But then again...that wouldn't be nice. The whole reason for my annoyance towards these guys is that, seriously... they were hogging all 20 of the computers when I walked in. TWENTY mormon missionaries using the libraries computers. What they're looking at, I have no idea. They all have their little daytime agendas open on the desks (I noticed that they were all the same as I walked around looking for a computer) so maybe they're scouting out neighborhoods? The guy next to me is e-mailing furiously, to whom, I can only guess his 2nd or 3rd wife. I jest... I jest... but seriously, all 20 computers? Come on guys!! Take turns, share the love!!
Anyways.... so I finally snagged a computer. And here I am posting away, going on and on about the mormon missionaries. I can't seem to stop thinking about them. Wondering what drives people to join the church, wear special underwear, not drink caffeine, and ride bikes everywhere, even in the pouring rain. What makes a person wake up one day and say, HEY! I'd like to wear a white shirt and tie, with a nametag every day for the next two years. And have doors slammed in my face. I have no idea. Uh oh... I'd better change subjects... they're gathering around behind me, waiting on my neighbor to finish his e-mail to his lovely bride to be. I just pray that I get out of the library without being solicited into a conversation with them.
In other news, my mother-in-law and father-in-law are coming up this weekend. My mother-in-law has never been to DC so we're gonna have fun driving around town showing her the sites. She made only one request. To see where George W. lives so she can flip him the bird. Have I mentioned how much I love my mother-in-law!??! :) But seriously, we're excited that they get to come up and see our apartment, see where Forrest works, and see the hospital where their grandson will be born. If any of you are from DC and have a suggestion for something people just have to do while in DC, feel free to comment and let us know.
Uh oh... the guys are tag-teaming the computers now... I'd better go hide in the sex-education stacks as I'm sure they'll avoid that like the plague!

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Wow, I feel special!!!

Thanks for all of your warm congratulations!!! You have no idea what
that means!! :) No names picked out yet, and even when we do, we've
decided to wait until the lil' fella is born to reveal the name. We
decided that it was ultimately us as the baby's parents to decide the
name, and with people commenting on our choice of names, the pressure
to "conform" to their ideas just bothered us. Once the baby is born
and named, no one can say anything about his name (well they can, but
there will be one unhappy mama if someone utters a word of disgust at
his name)
I went out last night and bought the cutest little onesie at Target.
I just had to get something that screamed BOY!! :) It's a little blue
onesie with a horse, lasso, and little boots printed all over it, and
on the chest it says, "Little Buckaroo" hehe!! :) I wanted to buy
the whole store out of clothes, but given our finances, thought better
of it, and just decided to wait until the showers and the gift cards
start rolling in.
In other news.... I cannot wait until cooler weather gets here. I'm
tired of the cool nights that lead into warm almost hot days. Today
is an exception. It is perfectly wonderful outside. That said, the
forecast for tomorrow is warmer than today (almost 90) and just
obnoxiously humid. When will Fall make up it's mind? To stay? or not
to stay?! Last year in NC, it just went from summer straight to
winter... and that was no fun. I love fall. It's one of my favorite
seasons. So if any of you have any say so with the powers that
control weather, tell Fall to "Get His butt down here and make the
leaves pretty, dangit!!!" :)

Monday, September 26, 2005

Our little One


Our little Man
Originally uploaded by meandscreech.
Our appointment was today with our Ultrasound. We got there early, and they were able to take us right back to get started. It was so incredibly awesome to see the little baby move and kick and suck it's thumb. When it came time for the crotch shot, the technician said that the baby had it's hand in it's crotch. I said (aloud) "Well, then it's a boy! Look, he's playing with himself" This got laughs from Forrest and the tech, and then the baby moved it's hand, spread eagle, and low and behold! A BOY!!!! y'all.... We're having a boy!!! :) I'm super excited!!! I cannot tell you how much joy Forrest and I had after seeing our baby move and wiggle around this afternoon. Not only that, but since the baby wouldn't cooperate and turn around, the doctor couldn't get a good shot of his spine and heart (or I should say better shot... they got a few, but not nearly good enough to make any judgements on)... so in 3 weeks, we have to go back! YAY!! I get to see my baby again!!! :) Anyways.. we've posted some more pictures over on our flickr account. Just click on the little man and you can see pictures of his little hands, feet, etc... :) Y'all...... a boy!! :) :) :) :)

Friday, September 23, 2005

I fully expect to come home to strip poker one day...


Fleming Cheating at Monopoly
Originally uploaded by meandscreech.
We're going out of town this weekend and leaving Fleming, the bear, to his own devices. I'm frightened to find out what happens this weekend, now that he seems to have dragged Louie, the Hippo, Lambie, the lamb, and Mr. & Mrs. LoveBear into his shinanigans... Y'all have a great weekend!!! :)

A Post in which I ramble to a memory...

I honestly don't know what to write about. Not much is going on right
now in my life that's funny or blog-worthy, but I must continue to
write. My worst fear is that I'll give up on this blog. I'm a very
good self-starter when it comes to projects, but when it comes to
finishing them, or seeing them through until completion, I totally
SUCK! This means there are plenty of half done things around the
house... like the crochet that I was going to teach myself how to do,
the casserole dishes that I bought to make and freeze casseroles, and
a few half read books on the bookshelf. But those things aside, I can
say I'm proud of myself in one area. I have finished 3 books in the
last 2 weeks. That in itself is amazing. I haven't read that many
books since I was in high school. I used to read like a fiend... so
much so, that once... I got in trouble for reading one of my books in
READING class folks! I was so into my book that I didn't hear the
teacher call on me, and it was really awkward because when I finally
noticed that the class was quiet and everyone was looking at me, it
was like the third time the teacher had called my name. I felt
stupid. But... it was reading class.... and I was reading... how could
she punish me?!? :)
I have this new found love for the library. I don't know that I'll
ever buy a book again. Seriously. I can read the books, not pay a dime
for them, and return them when I'm done. Between Forrest and me, we
have enough books to fill two bookshelves, and we don't' need any more.
Not only do they have books, they have music, videos, and DVD's!! I
can check those things out too!! Amazing! :) The other thing I love
about the library is the smell. Have you ever noticed that thick
smell of books when you walk in a library? Nothing is more wonderful
than that smell. It takes me back to one of my earliest memories.
I was 5 years old, and I wanted to go to the public library. We lived
in the small town of Buena Vista, VA at the time. Our home was 2
blocks from the library, and once a week we'd walk to the library to
check out books. I remembering getting giddy once we arrived there.
All of those books to choose from, for free!!! I remembering the
feeling of excitement that would rush through me as the smell of the
library hit my nostrils as I walked in. I was in heaven.
As the years went on, I still loved going there, and I remember
sitting in the aisles of books, reading The Boxcar Children, and
occasionally lifting the book to my nose to smell the sweet smell of
paper. Over the years, I don't' know what happened, but libraries
became synonymous with research, and long papers, and studying that I
grew to despise going. The smell that once held such rapture for me as
a child, made me cringe. In college, I can honestly say I only went
to the library less than 10 times in my 4 years there. And then, only
to pick up books I"d reserved for my research. Only when we moved to
Virginia a few weeks ago, did I fall in love with the library again.
It's quiet hum, with free internet, and wonderful books has pushed me
to pursue my passion for reading all over again. I enjoy the guilty
pleasure of a fiction novel that isn't over my head, as well as the
deep intellectual books that push my knowledge and teach me to see
things in a new light. So, I ask... When was the last time you
visited the library? Not Borders... not Barnes and Noble... but the
library? Do you have a favorite memory of the library as a child?

Thursday, September 22, 2005

18 1/2 weeks...

According to my new OB. She set the confusion of how far along I was clear so there you go. 18 1/2 weeks!
Monday we're having the BIG ultrasound. The one they measure the legs, and check all that good stuff out, and maybe, just maybe... we can see if it's a boy or girl! :) My doctor's appointment went very well this week. I love my new doctors! All ladies, and just wonderfully nice and helpful! The baby's heartbeat was strong. Everytime I hear it, I just fall in love all over again with my child.
Well... this is going to be a quick update... my computer is almost out of time, so I must post this soon!!!! More later!!

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Busy Little Bee

I had hoped to have blogged more this week, but we've been super busy. Forrest leaves for Boston tomorrow, and I leave for North Carolina. I've been doing laundry, cleaning up, packing, and making sure that we have everything we need for the trips. Last night, we received an unexpected call from Forrest's uncle, who was in town on business in DC. He wanted to take us to dinner, and who are we to refuse dinner with family!?! We dined at Blackies in DC, which... was... FABULOUS. I haven't had food that good in... well since our honeymoon, eating at Blue Point Bar and Grill in Duck, NC. But still... it was wonderful. I'm still full this morning as we had appetizers, entrees, and then, dessert. Shrimp cocktail with mango, avocado and thai salsa, Filet topped with mushrooms, sitting on a potato cake, with sauteed vegetables, and finally, vanilla custard creme brule. I'm getting hungry remembering it...
And the best part of the night?!?! Witnessing 4 extremely old people (we're talking 80's or 90's) cram into the backseat of a yellow cab in DC. The oldest man was sitting on what I presume was his wife's lap. It. was. HYSTERICAL!!! So good food, good laughs, and a good nights sleep. WHat more can I ask for? Oh... for the trips to already be here and over because I won't see Forrest for like... 5 days!!! that's the longest we've ever been apart *pout* Oh well... I'll try to post more later this week if I get a chance. :)

Thursday, September 08, 2005

Y'all want a picture?!?!


Belly Shot
Originally uploaded by meandscreech.
Well, here ya go! Here's me, being brave, and posting a picture of my fat @$$! :) just kidding... this picture actually turned out okay! :)
I have some more new pictures over at our flickr page (http://www.flickr.com/photos/twopinklines) I'll be posting some pictures of our new apartment, which I cleaned just for the internet! Just so you can see that I'm not a lazy bum, and I do stuff during the day! :) Anyways.... enjoy the belly shot!

Book Suggestion

Last week, I went to the library to check out a few books. I left with four, At Home in Mitford, Prodigal Summer, Me & Emma, and The Wedding. I've since finished At Home in Mitford and Me & Emma.

Me & Emma was so wonderful, that I started it Tuesday night (read 2 chapters), and finished it last night. I was up until 1 am, I couldn't put the book down. I was just blown away by the style of the book, not to mention the setting, Toast, NC. The author is simply fantastic, and the book has a wonderful style that will keep you reading. It's an amazing book that you simply MUST read. Check it out at the library... I'd forgotten how wonderful the library is. I hadn't been to one in years, and I'm in love all over again! :)

My 7 College Roommates, Part I

I was writing an e-mail to a friend this morning, and was talking
about how vicious women can be towards one another, and was using the
example of guys rooming together for 4 years in college, and girls
switching roomates each year. And then I remembered.... my seven
college roomates. Before you jump to any assumptions and start
thinking I must be impossible to live with, let me tell you their
stories... I promise, you'll understand when I'm done.

My first clue that the whole roomates in college thing should have
been when my best friend in high school and I decided to room together
in college. We talked about it for months and months. We decided to
sign up for this program called the "Wellness" program. You signed a
contract saying you wouldn't drink (we were all underage anyways) and
you lived on a co-ed floor. Guys on one side, Girls on the other
side... seperated by a lobby filled with This End Up furniture. We
were stoked. I went away to work as a camp counselor that summer, and
somewhere during the summer, I got a letter from mom with my roomate
assignment. And it wasn't my best friend. I called my best friend to
see if she was equally upset, and she said she was (but somewhere in
her voice, I noticed she wasn't). I asked her what happened, and she
said she "forgot" to send in the application for the wellness program.
She later told another friend she didn't want to live there anyways,
but instead of telling me that, she just "forgot" to mail the
application in. So here I was, with a total stranger slated to be my
roomate, and I was scared out of my mind. I had no idea who this girl
was. Where she came from. What she was like. I didn't know her. She
was impossible to get in touch with, and I only spoke with her for
like 5 minutes that summer. So when I moved in, I had no idea what to
expect. My parents and I got there super early on move-in day, and by
lunch, I was all moved in, claimed the top bunk, and was ready to meet
my roomate (a testament to how fast I move in, we had posters on the
walls by 1 pm and everything was unpacked). Around 3 pm, my roomate
showed up with her mom and dad. We introduced ourselves, and chatted
for a little bit, and then she turned to her parents and said, "Since
you know where my room is now, just dump my stuff here. I'm going to
go find so-and-so" and promptly left. Her poor mom and dad hauled all
of her crap up to our room, and her mother put it away. Fast-forward
a few months. My roomate is hardly ever there, and when she is, she's
harrassing me because she knows I'm a Christian. She's an Atheist,
and dead-set on convincing me there is no God. Funny... I thought,
normally it's the other way around. I just didn't want to talk about
it with her. My faith is a private thing, and I don't throw it around
with other people, and here's someone trying to convince me there is
no God. Also? She's a whore. I mean that in the literal since. She
has about 20 guys calling the room all the time, and I hear rumors she
has like 5 guys she's sleeping with AT THE SAME TIME. Why? I don't
know. She wasn't the prettiest girl, and she was really dirty. She
left all her clothes on the floor... with, and I swear this is the
truth, her dirty underwear, complete with... *gag*... I... *gag*
can't.... even... say *gag* it.... let's just say, they were WAYYYYYY
dirty, okay!? I would have to use a stick to pick them up and put
them in a pile when my friends came over... nasty. One night
(normally she didn't stay in our room, so I was used to sleeping there
alone), I woke up at around 2 am, and the bed...... was....
moving!!!!!!!!! I thought something was happening to the building,
when I heard the moans. OH..... SICK... I thought, and jumped out of
bed, and ran down to the lobby. My best friend Ted was up late
studying, and I told him that my roomate was in my room, and getting
her freak on, WHILE I WAS IN THE ROOM SLEEPING!!!!!!!! I stayed up
until around 4 am, when my roomate and her "friend" emerged. She
smiled and me, and then rode down with him on the elevator. I cannot
tell you how much this disgusted me. She never once brought it up, and
never saw fit to apologize for the fact that I was asleep when she GOT
HER FREAK ON on the bunk bed below.... EW!!!!! Since it was the end
of the semester, and one of my friends was moving to another dorm, I
asked if she needed a roomate (she did), and made plans to move out as
soon as possible. After I moved out, I don't know that I spoke to my
first roomate ever again... I may have seen her on campus with one of
her many "friends", but that was all. Thus ended my first roomate
experience, and I moved in with Roomate #2, expecting all sorts of
wonderful things since I actually knew her a little, and we were kinda
friends. Oh! How naive I was!..... (to be continued)

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

The dog ate my post...

Hello All. I tried posting something last week, but the computer ate
it. I tried to get to Panera or at least the public library to post
something this week, but I had too much to do. And then of course,
the blog ate my blog entry.

The move went wonderfully. We're here in Northern Virginia, and
quickly becoming aquainted with all things Northern Virginia. We're
unpacked with maybe 2 boxes left, the house is clean, food has been
cooked, casseroles have been frozen, and sightseeing has begun. Now,
we've both been to DC before, but that didn't stop us from going to
the Museum of American History on Monday. Seriously y'all? They have
the original Kermit the Frog! EXCITING!!! AND?!?! Sienfeld's Puffy
shirt! It is the most random collection of stuff that I have ever
seen, but it was SOOOO much fun to see all the random stuff! We also
went to the Museum of Natural History which, eh.... was okay. About
the only cool thing there was the freakin' huge Hope Diamond, which...
honestly, didn't appeal to me that much. Honestly, it looked like
costume jewelry. Saturday, we drove down to Prince William Forest and
had a nice picnic. It's actually a really nice place! They have a
nice campground, which hey, I can still go camping when I'm pregnant
right!? (as all of you laugh). Then Friday (I'm working backwards,
notice), we went to the zoo. That was totally unexpected. Forrest
got off work early for the holiday weekend, so I drove up to DC and we
went to the zoo! My favorite part of the zoo? The mexican wolves.
Sad things is, I didn't take my camera, so i don't have any pictures
of our trip. I need to take more pictures dangit!!!

On to the pregnancy update, which is what this blog is really about
eh?! I'm getting big. That is about my only symptom. My gigantic
condition that allows me NO sleep, and generally just makes me uncomfortable. That and the "pregnant nose" everyone talks about. My favorite smell right now? Chinese food. Especially Egg Rolls.....yummmm.. I guess one other "possible" symptom is the tiny little butterflies or gas bubbles I've had. Often, especially at night, I'll be sitting there, and suddenly, there's something in my belly, and I sit there thinking, was that gas? or the baby? I'm leaning more towards the baby, because I haven't been particularly gassy lately, and this one time, I was almost certain it was the baby. As soon as I get a really good whallop, I'll let you folks know. :) Well, I hate to cut this short, but seriously... Panera has the AC on like 50 degrees, and my fingers are frozeennnnnn. Brr.. :) Hope all is well with you folks!!!

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

New Blog Link

We've added another link to the right.... Our cousin Stephen is in Africa doing work with Samaritan's Purse. He's currently in Liberia. His journal makes me pine for the dust and grit that I experienced in Africa, yet thankful for where I live now. Go check out his blog here.

Advice worth noting...

Chris over at Rude Cactus has a nice post with some advice for new parents. Forrest and I read it last night, and were howling over the hilarity of the first few paragraphs, but had quieted towards the end, and really taken in Chris's advice. Go check out the post for yourself. Brilliant... I tell you, just... brilliant

Last day of work...

Well, I'm at the office right now. Things are a bit crazy. See, not only do I have to help pack our house up, but our office is moving buildings tomorrow, so I'm helping with that. Or at least trying to. See, everytime I do anything, the ladies at work start screaming at me, "DON'T MOVE!!! YOU'RE GOING TO KILL YOUR BABY!!!!!!"

Oh well, so I'll just sit here at my desk and blog away, while they do all the work. :) In all seriousness, it was sort of sad coming in to work today. While I hate my job, I love the women I work with. They are so kindhearted, loving, and just absolutely wonderful. These are the women who are taking me to lunch at the Village Draft House where I will promptly DEVOUR the fried mushrooms, cheese fries, and a yummy hamburger. They also have other wonderful pregnancy-craving foods... Deep Fried Pickles (very yummy), homemade potato chips, and many many other foods.

Ok, must go, we have a meeting!!!

Some People...!

Last weekend we went up to DC to look for apartments. It's about a five hour drive from where we live so we stopped in Fredicksburg (about an hour outside DC) for dinner. For some reason, Corinne was craving Cracker Barrel so we managed to find one right off the highway that wasn't too far out of the way.

As soon as we were seated, the waitress came to take our order and introduced herself as Wynona or something. To put it nicely, she was kinda...different. One country fried steak short of the Tuesday night special (if you know what I mean). Now let me jump in here and clarify something. Corinne is pregnant, yes. But she is BARELY showing. If you know she's pregnant, you might could kinda tell. But to the unaquainted passerby, she is NOT showing.

So the waitress walks up to the table and introduces herself. And she turns to Corinne and the first thing she says is, "Are you pregnant?" My mouth just sort of dropped open. Beg your pardon?!? I mean, she went straight to the point. No beating around the bush with her.

I remember when I was younger, someone gave me this advice: NEVER. EVER EVER EVER. Ask a woman if she's preganant. Unless you see a crying, wrinkled little baby coming out from between her legs, NEVER EVER ask her if she's pregnant. PERIOD. I remember my great uncle telling me that he made this mistake once. He was a furniture salesman and was trying to sell some lady furniture and asked her when the baby was due. Uh, yeah. Big mistake. Needless to say he never called on that store again.

Nonetheless, Corinne handled it like a pro. She was just like, "Why, yes. I am." They proceeded to chat casually about baby stuff. I, on the other hand, was trying not to slap this girl in the head for almost making a royal idiot out of herself. After that I couldn't remember what the heck I had planned on ordering. I felt like I had just watched one of those motocross guys go off a ramp and jump, like, 200 cars and (thanks-be-to-God-ABOVE!!) he didn't kill himself. *Whew* she is, indeed, pregnant.

Friday, August 19, 2005

Back at work...

I can think of no place I'd rather NOT be than at work right now. On the bright side... I only have ONE MORE DAY WORKING HERE!!!!!!!!!! For those of you who know me, you understand why this is such a great thing. For those who don't know me... allow me to explain. Actually, allow me to sumarize. MY JOB SUCKS!
But I'm here today. So that's that. Yesterday was actually pretty fun (minus the pain). I got to lay around all day, watch TV, nap, eat, and basically just be a lazy bum. Forrest worked hard at packing, and I felt bad because I was just lying there, so I got up, and hobbled around the house trying to help, which was stupid because my toe is broken... but I did manage to fix a nice steak dinner for us (Harris Teeter had T-bone steaks buy one get one free) while sitting down in the kitchen. I also fixed some homemade bruschetta, and fresh corn on the cob. It was a yummy dinner. Then, we watched some more TV, decided we were bored, and realized we needed to fill the car up with gas before the price hike this weekend. So we drove to the nearest gas station, and blew $30 on fuel that had better last us all the way up to Metro DC for the move. Then it was home again. All in all... a good day home. :)

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Broken Toe...

I'm at home right now. Last night, I managed to stump my pinkie toe, not once, but twice. The second time did me in. It was during my 3 am bathroom trip, and I must have hit the corner of the dresser. I have never had so much pain. The worst part? I can't take advil!!! I called the doctor this morning to see if it was worth my money to come in to have an xray and all that jazz. She said that if it's a broken pinkie toe, there is nothing they can do. All the years of medical science, and there's nothing they can do for a broken toe?!?!? GAH!!! So I'm at home, with my foot propped up, and trying not to cry. I have to hop to the bathroom. Which, would be funny except that because my foot isn't propped up anymore, all the blood rushes to my toe, and I want to scream bloody murder because it hurts THAT BAD.

The best part though, is that I'm home... not at work. And hubby is sleeping in today. He's so cute when he sleeps. Then again, he's so grumpy when he wakes up, so I'm trying my best to be quite at the keyboard. :) So... I'll be here all day, bored out of my mind. What do YOU do when you're bored and can't go and do something?

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Packing (part II)

So how's the packing you may ask? Pretty good, actually. I woke up this morning really movtivated to pack and have been packing all morning. Fun times. We have a lot of crap, by the way. I thought we'd be able to take one of those small trucks, but I'm really glad we're getting the big one. Timbuktu is looking mighty tempting about now...

Annnd, that's all I have to say. Pretty pitiful when all you have to write about is packing. And how it's going. Yeah.

Oooo, but we did talk about baby names last night :-). You wanna know what we're gonna name him/her?!? Huh, huh, huh?!? Not gonna tell ya. Nope. Not gonna do it. It's a surprise.

Friends

I had a weird dream last night. Actually, it wasn't that weird, it just showed me how much time I spend reading blogs. In my dream, I got a chance to meet one of the mommy bloggers that I read every day. Now, I could tell you who, but for sheer embarrasment that I actually dreamed about a blogger, I'm going to refrain. Anyways, in my dream I met her, and she actually liked me! We became really close friends, which was weird, because I've always been one of those girls who's friends with everyone but the super popular people. It's safe to say this blogger is super popular, and probably wouldn't be friends with me in real life. But it's my dream, and she was my best friend, and me and my husband did lots of stuff with her and her husband. It seems wonderful, but why did I wake up anxious? Once I woke up, I laid there thinking about the dream, and realized what it really was about.
I've had my share of close friends over the years, but several of those friendships ended on a rather nasty note. So nasty, that it's left me with only one or two close friends from college, and even those friendships are fading. So, the last year in Raleigh has been hard. I can honestly say that I only had 2 good friends here. My husband, and my brother. Meaning, I have no good girlfriends. I firmly believe that every woman needs good girlfriends. Guys make great friends, and some of my best friends have been guys, but there is nothing like the empathy and companionship of another woman. However... I'm always scared of what other women think of me. We women can be brutal. We judge one another. We backstab one another. And generally, it's really hard to break through that, and get to a place where you trust one another fully. I know plenty of girls that you could call my "friends", but the reality is... we never get past the superficial. The "friends" I do have are extremely beautiful, extremely trendy, and extremely popular. My insecurities about myself lead to this sort of paranoia that these friends are just being nice to me. It's this insecurity that prevents me from opening up and trusting. (or perhaps the jealousy) Perhaps it's because those friends that did hurt me were popular, pretty, and all of the guys I had crushes on, ended up dating my friends instead. Thankfully, I now have a wonderful husband who loves me for who I am, and I don't have to worry about that. But somewhere, deep inside, I'm still afraid. I'm afraid of the popular girl. I want to be accepted. As much as I preach individuality, and as much as I pretend to be okay with who I am... inside I'm dying to be liked by the beautiful people. Because in my sick, twisted head, somehow, that will make me more like them.
Really, why can't I just learn to love myself? Why can't I be happy with who I am? Is it just me that struggles with this, or can you relate?