Thursday, September 08, 2005

My 7 College Roommates, Part I

I was writing an e-mail to a friend this morning, and was talking
about how vicious women can be towards one another, and was using the
example of guys rooming together for 4 years in college, and girls
switching roomates each year. And then I remembered.... my seven
college roomates. Before you jump to any assumptions and start
thinking I must be impossible to live with, let me tell you their
stories... I promise, you'll understand when I'm done.

My first clue that the whole roomates in college thing should have
been when my best friend in high school and I decided to room together
in college. We talked about it for months and months. We decided to
sign up for this program called the "Wellness" program. You signed a
contract saying you wouldn't drink (we were all underage anyways) and
you lived on a co-ed floor. Guys on one side, Girls on the other
side... seperated by a lobby filled with This End Up furniture. We
were stoked. I went away to work as a camp counselor that summer, and
somewhere during the summer, I got a letter from mom with my roomate
assignment. And it wasn't my best friend. I called my best friend to
see if she was equally upset, and she said she was (but somewhere in
her voice, I noticed she wasn't). I asked her what happened, and she
said she "forgot" to send in the application for the wellness program.
She later told another friend she didn't want to live there anyways,
but instead of telling me that, she just "forgot" to mail the
application in. So here I was, with a total stranger slated to be my
roomate, and I was scared out of my mind. I had no idea who this girl
was. Where she came from. What she was like. I didn't know her. She
was impossible to get in touch with, and I only spoke with her for
like 5 minutes that summer. So when I moved in, I had no idea what to
expect. My parents and I got there super early on move-in day, and by
lunch, I was all moved in, claimed the top bunk, and was ready to meet
my roomate (a testament to how fast I move in, we had posters on the
walls by 1 pm and everything was unpacked). Around 3 pm, my roomate
showed up with her mom and dad. We introduced ourselves, and chatted
for a little bit, and then she turned to her parents and said, "Since
you know where my room is now, just dump my stuff here. I'm going to
go find so-and-so" and promptly left. Her poor mom and dad hauled all
of her crap up to our room, and her mother put it away. Fast-forward
a few months. My roomate is hardly ever there, and when she is, she's
harrassing me because she knows I'm a Christian. She's an Atheist,
and dead-set on convincing me there is no God. Funny... I thought,
normally it's the other way around. I just didn't want to talk about
it with her. My faith is a private thing, and I don't throw it around
with other people, and here's someone trying to convince me there is
no God. Also? She's a whore. I mean that in the literal since. She
has about 20 guys calling the room all the time, and I hear rumors she
has like 5 guys she's sleeping with AT THE SAME TIME. Why? I don't
know. She wasn't the prettiest girl, and she was really dirty. She
left all her clothes on the floor... with, and I swear this is the
truth, her dirty underwear, complete with... *gag*... I... *gag*
can't.... even... say *gag* it.... let's just say, they were WAYYYYYY
dirty, okay!? I would have to use a stick to pick them up and put
them in a pile when my friends came over... nasty. One night
(normally she didn't stay in our room, so I was used to sleeping there
alone), I woke up at around 2 am, and the bed...... was....
moving!!!!!!!!! I thought something was happening to the building,
when I heard the moans. OH..... SICK... I thought, and jumped out of
bed, and ran down to the lobby. My best friend Ted was up late
studying, and I told him that my roomate was in my room, and getting
her freak on, WHILE I WAS IN THE ROOM SLEEPING!!!!!!!! I stayed up
until around 4 am, when my roomate and her "friend" emerged. She
smiled and me, and then rode down with him on the elevator. I cannot
tell you how much this disgusted me. She never once brought it up, and
never saw fit to apologize for the fact that I was asleep when she GOT
HER FREAK ON on the bunk bed below.... EW!!!!! Since it was the end
of the semester, and one of my friends was moving to another dorm, I
asked if she needed a roomate (she did), and made plans to move out as
soon as possible. After I moved out, I don't know that I spoke to my
first roomate ever again... I may have seen her on campus with one of
her many "friends", but that was all. Thus ended my first roomate
experience, and I moved in with Roomate #2, expecting all sorts of
wonderful things since I actually knew her a little, and we were kinda
friends. Oh! How naive I was!..... (to be continued)

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