Waiting Game...

Today, it's all about waiting. Forrest flew out of Raleigh at 8:30 to D.C. for his second interview with a certain company. If you only knew how incredibly awesome it is that this company called him back, much less flew him up there. It is THE perfect place for Forrest. I cannot imagine him working anywhere else. 75% of the work they do is for non-profit organizations and the remaining 25% is for educational and related clients. That, my friends, is very, very rare. A diamond in the rough. I've been trying not to think about it, because I'm sitting at a desk, with not much to do (it's down-time in our office... will last another month or so) and the day has stretched onnnnn and onnnnnnnnnnn. I can't wait to get a phone call from Forrest to find out how it went.

In other news... the nausea and sickness seems to be making a comeback. Granted it's every other day, but it's still happening. I keep telling myself that it's good.... right? It's good I'm sick. The other thing that's developed is the very real, and vivid dreams I've been having. Most of the dreams revolve around nursing my baby, and it's really bizarre. I've had a few that were just random and didn't make sense, but were incredibly detailed. You know the type... where a walrus is running down the road, and you see a man in a pink gown screaming "TARANTULA!!!!" from his second floor apartment that doesn't really seem to be sitting on the ground, but rather floating in the air. The best part is when the hippopotumus walks up to you and starts making small talk, and you reliaze that animals aren't as strange as you thought they were. :) Then you wake up only to find that you're sitting on a staple remover, waiting to visit your grandmother, who happens to have a bad case of monkey poo, which you've never heard of before, but according to the doctors is very rare. See? Random! :)

Besides the dreams, and nausea... I have few other symptoms, and if it weren't for the little picture I have of the "jellybean", I would have myself convinced (again) that it's all in my head, and I'm not really pregnant. Thank goodness for that little picture :)

What the *explicative removed*!?!?!?!?!

Who in their RIGHT MIND would pay $450 for a freakin' diaper bag?!?! And besides, it looks like something my babysitter would have carried around in 1985!!!!!! Don't believe me? Check it out!!

http://www.duematernity.com/rostmomdiba.html

Poor Fleming feels about like I do!!

Paying the Price
Originally uploaded by meandscreech.

You can click on the picture or on our link to the right to see more picture of Fleming, the bear. He's up to something new everyday, and we're documenting the evidence. Any.ways...
Blah... granted, today is better, but I'm about tired of the nausea. Seriously, the only way to avoid it is to eat, eat, eat, and then eat some more. I feel like I'm always eating... crackers, fruit, tuna on crackers, or generally anything that I can get my hands on. The worst part is that I now think about what I eat in regards to how hard it would be to throw it up. For instance... tomatoey things (salsa, spaghetti sauce) don't come up very pleseantly. Too much acid. McDonalds hamburgers... same thing, cept instead of acid, it's like one gross greasy lump of vomit (I know, I know, WAYYY too much information, but I'm trying to be as real as possible folks). Beyond that, everything else is going okay. My tummy is beginning to pooch out... in that all my nice cute stretchy tops from Gap don't cover the flab anymore. I want a shirt that says, "Pardon the flab, I'm PREGNANT!" so no one thinks I'm just letting myself go.

Thank the LORD!!!

Thank the LORD!!!
Originally uploaded by meandscreech.

Never have I seen a more beautiful weather map... that blue line (blue meaning COLDDDDDDDDDD Front!!!!) moving our way. I don't care if "cold" in the winter is 85... it's better than 101!!! Some relief for my sweaty self!!!

Squishy...

Squishy...
Originally uploaded by meandscreech.

Here's a picture of our baby! :) He/She is so tiny right now, not even an inch long! I am so in love with the baby, especially after seeing the little heart beat. I told Forrest that I feel so much better now, having seen the heartbeat and everything. Now I know for SURE that I'm pregnant. 4 positive tests couldn't give me that assurance, but seeing the living, beating heart and child in my womb just.... seals the deal, and I am now officially totally and completely in love, and would do anything... ANYTHING for my baby. :)

First Ultrasound

Daddy Symptoms:
-hunger
-curiosity
-bewilderment
-hunger

So on Friday we all had our first little visit to the doctor. And an official confirmation that, yes, we are pregnant (so Corinne's not just going crazy :-). It was a great visit and everyone is very healthy. Lots of great insight and info from the OB-GYN and nurses and lots of naive questions from us.

Perhaps the most amazing thing was the ultrasound. Seeing the grainy image of a little human growing inside of Corinne really seemed to make everything real. Hearing/seeing the little heartbeat was amazing—literally a life changing event. To think that a human can grow and develop from two cells in just nine months is nothing short of a miracle.

In this book I've been reading, the author talks about the need for men to be active and how that makes pregnancy and childbirth a very difficult thing (considering that we as dads just sort of watch passively from the sidelines for a good bit of it). That's been something that's been difficult for me: just sitting there and not really being able to do anything besides taking care of Corinne. We have this pregnancy journal kind of thing, though, and oddly enough I've gotten pretty into keeping up with that. It has space for all the notes we take at the doctor's visits and places to record all of the things we need to remember for later. As I'm realizing more and more, I have this strange—and sometimes obsessive—need to document and remember things but it sort of gives me something useful to do in the meantime *shrug*. Hahahaha, we were saying this weekend, though, if the whole pregnancy and childbirth thing was left up to men, the human race would probably die out within a couple of generations...so true :-D. I'm content to be moral support at this point.

But back to the visit: we have a great copy of the ultrasound that we're going to put up soon on our Flickr account so everyone can see the little one (he/she's a handsome little guy/girl if I say so myself; must take after its momma :-D).

9 weeks, 3 days

Symptoms:
-HUNGER.... the rabid, sudden attacks of hunger
-Headaches... this is new, I hadn't had these until the last week, and they come and go
-Tiredness
-Nausea
-NO VOMITING IN A WEEK!!!!!!!! (halle-LU-ia)

This week has been a good pregnancy week. I only gagged one day, and that was due to the ferocious hunger raging deep within the pits of my stomach. You'd of thought I hadn't eaten in DAYS the way my stomach feels around lunch-time. And suddenly, I have to eat. If I don't, it's holding the toilet and hurling. I have been incredibly tired at night too. I'm talking, I feel I could go to bed at 7 pm. But alas, stubborn me still stays up until 11 or 11:30, and I pay for it the next morning. Forrest worked a few days this week at the store, and I know that helps out some. He's also bicycled 40 MILES!!!!!!! in three days!!!! my husband is a PRO!!! Move over Lance Armstrong, here comes Forrest!!! :-D So last night, I went and bought him a bicycle pump (he got a flat yesterday on the trail), a repair kit (for those pesky flat tires), and some bar ends for his handlebars. :) He's so cute when he gets into biking :) I love him so much!!

In other news, tomorrow is the BIG APPOINTMENT!!!!!! :) Baby checkup, Pictures of baby, Heartbeat, everything! :) I told Forrest last night that this will be my first chance to prove to me that I actually have a baby growing in me, and it's not just in my head. Sometimes I feel like it's all in my head, and that I'm not really pregnant. Crazy, I know... Soo, check back on Monday! I'm sure there will be PLENTY of pictures to be shown and PLENTY of blogging to do. :)

8 weeks, 4 days

Symptoms:
-hunger
-nausea
-tiredness

Yesterday, I left work early, and spent the remainder of the day sleeping off a throbbing headache. It was nice to be able to rest. So nice, that I almost called work to quit. HA! just kidding... I can't do that for another few weeks. :) Then last night, feeling a little refreshed, Forrest and I went to Barnes and Noble. I found a really awesome book, The Baby Owner's Manual . The design in this book is A-MA-ZING! Funny, yet practical. Come payday, we'll have to invest in a copy, if only for gazing at the wonderful design. Headcase Design designed the book, and it's no wonder it won a place amongst AIGA's 50 books/50 covers in 2003. But design aside, the information in the book is far from just satire. I was able to find information in this book that either wasn't in other books, or I simply couldn't find in other books.

After our trip to Barnes and Noble, we went home where I promptly crashed. Sleep is such a wonderful thing when you're pregnant. I find myself falling asleep at my desk, in the bathroom, in my car at a stoplight... I must be growing a giant inside of me, as much energy as it's zapping out of me. Not only that, but the bizarre sudden attacks of hunger that hit me. I'll be typing away at my desk, and suddenly, out of nowhere, the child is yanking it's umbilical cord and screaming "FEEEEEEEED MEEEEEEE!!!!!!" as if the extra large burrito and chips from lunch weren't enough. I feel like I'm always eating. It's not a good idea to go from being on Weight Watchers (where you notice every single morsal that goes into your mouth) to being pregnant (where you are putting every single morsal in site in your mouth). I feel like a big fat COW!! And I know, I know... Forrest is shaking his head saying, "You're not a cow, you're pregnant!!" But the more I hear from other people, the more I realize that the tiredness, the nausea, the vomiting, the hunger are all good things! It means my baby is healthy and alive in there, and that it's not some figment of my imagination. So, here's to you my child... here's a full bag of chex-mix, and some cookies, and whatever else I can find here at work... Enjoy!!!

Soon end in joy...

Almost nine weeks ago now—on Father’s Day (how poetic)—Corinne and I found out that we’re going to have a baby. Wow. That’s actually all I said when we found out: “wow.” You always hear about people “trying” to have kids. With us…there was no trying. It just happened. And all I could say is “wow.” We had always dreamed and talked about being parents but who knew it would…actually happen. But now that some of the edge of the surprise has worn off we are absolutely elated. I can’t believe we’re going to be parents (!!!). I was talking with Don, my father-in-law, about how I just don’t feel like it’s hit me yet and he said that it never really hit him until the baby actually came out. I guess that kind of thing can change your life.

I’ve been sort of taking notes about things that I’ve wanted to remember and that I’ve wanted to write about ever since we found out. There are so many thoughts, conversations, and prayers that I just wish I could somehow record or keep track of but it just seems like this baby stuff goes at a million miles an hour. All you can do is hold on for the ride. Having a baby is such a life-changing and sobering event (here I am in my second month of being a…um…prenatal father and my life is already changed).

I have this great book called “Becoming A Dad,” and in it, one of the authors, talking about something completely unrelated, mentions how many sacrifices that fathers make. I can’t remember what he was talking about, but he really empahsized that as a father (or a mother) we will make a lot of sacrifices: we will sacrifice free-time, couplehood, money, privacy, sleep, freedom, and quiet, just to name a few. As our baby develops more and more, and grows inside Corinne, these sacrifices are imminently approaching. It’s like getting on a roller-coaster: you know as you slowly climb to the top of the apex, that the drop to come is inevitable; it’s only a matter of time. And after that, our lives are completely changed.

This leads me to the first major issue that I’ve dealt with, not just in this whole pregnancy thing, but also in my life, as I have graduated school and look towards getting a job and moving to a new city: loss of control. Donald Miller has quickly become my favorite author over the past few months and he opens his book “Searching for God Knows What” with this author’s note:

“Sometimes I feel as though I was born in a circus, come out of my mother’s womb like a man from a cannon, pitched toward the ceiling of the tent, all the doctors and nurses clapping in delight from the grandstands, the band going great guns in trombones and drums. I unfold and find flight hundreds of feet above the center ring, the smell of popcorn in the air, the clowns gather below amazed at my grace, and all the people chanting my name as my arms come out like wings and I move swan-like toward the apex, where I draw my arms in, collapse my torso to my legs, roll over in perfection, then slowly give in to gravity. My body falls back toward earth, the ground coming up quick, the center ring growing enormous beneath my falling weight.

“And this is precisely when it occurs to me that there is no net. And I wonder, What is the use of a circus? and Why should a man bother to be shot out of a cannon? and Why is the crowd’s applause so fleeting? and…Who is going to rescue me?"

I absolutely love that quote. When I first read it, I had just graduated and was looking for jobs. I could so identify with his feeling here: I had just gotten out of school, I had done well and my family was proud. Expectations were high, and I was—or, thought I was—well-prepared for my smooth transition into the working world. And as everything climaxed at the peak of the excitement, I looked down, and…no net. There wasn’t a job waiting for me. There weren’t people calling me and begging to work for them. There were a million places to work, and I really had no idea which one was best for me (or for that matter, which one would actually hire me). I was met with a cold, and emotionless job-market with little sympathy or need for an excited, idealistic, fledgling designer. I had somehow lost control. My fate was in the hands of someone—anyone—who was desperate enough to hire me.

So that sets the stage for the big news that in nine months, we were going to be parents. I mean, when it rains, it pours. This all further solidified this harrowing and relentless…loss of control. This baby was coming in nine months no matter what we did. It was coming, and when it came, we’d better be ready; put another way, something had better save us. Just like when you hope that you'll survive that inevitable drop down the rickety rails that forces your stomach up into your throat.

But amidst all of this chaos and loss of control, I remember hearing these words to a song play over and over again in my head; literally, this chorus was everywhere I went:

Give to the wind your fears.
Hope, and be undismayed.
For the Lord, He hears your sighs
and counts your tears.
And He will lift up, He will lift up…
He will lift up your head...

...And so shall this night,
Soon end in joy.
It will soon end in joy.

And that’s what I repeated over and over as I started looking for jobs, as we prayed for our baby, and as asking God turned into begging God, and as we faced the inevitable drop that we hoped and prayed we'd be ready for. Hoping and praying that it would soon end in joy.

So despite this loss of control and frightening anticipation, I knew that we’d be okay. It might not be fun, and we might have to eat lots of spaghetti-o’s, but we were going to make it. Eventually, we would be okay. And this is when I started thinking about the responsibility that I had taken on when I got married. My wife, in, now seven, months, is going to be professionally incapacitated. She will take on her beautiful function as a mother (possibly the most noble profession that I can think of). And she is so excited! And I’m so excited for her! This is something that she has wanted ever since she was a little girl. But with that, comes my responsibility to provide for my family. Put bluntly: by the time the baby comes, I have to have a job.

I've thought about this a bit before, but I'm realizing it only now, that this time in my life—getting married, graduating college, getting a job, having a baby—is my passage to manhood. I know, I know, that probably sounds really goofy. But I really believe that every man goes through a time when he realizes that he’s no longer a boy. He graduates to being a man. For me, I realized that this transition from serving myself and looking out for number one, to having to be a humble servant to others (mainly my wife and kids) is my rite of passage. Up until now, either someone has taken care of me, or I’ve taken care of myself. Now, I realized, my most important responsibility is to take care of and serve these other people in my life. What a realization! It’s really pretty cool. I don’t think you’re ever a man until you actually believe it yourself…and once you do, it doesn’t matter what anyone else says. I am a man. And I serve my wife and soon, my kids. I have put aside my previous ways, and have a new set of priorities. And I am a man. *maniacal Tarzan yell here*

8 weeks, 3 days

Symptoms:
-nausea
-vomiting
-headache
-food aversions
-sudden, rabid hunger at any given point in the day


Seriously... I'm about to crash. Last night, my bladder was in overdrive. I counted from the time I got home, until I went to bed. 13 times, people! 13 freakin trips to the bathroom!!! My child is channeling the spirit of the Nile River, seriously, who uses the bathroom 13 times in 5 hours!

Then, this morning, I woke up with a splitting headache. All I want is to take an Advil... but b/c I'm pregnant, no medicine for me. So I called my boss, told her I'd be late coming in, and slept some more. I came in around 11:30, and the headache is still with me. I'm debating on whether or not to go home early and use the rest of my vacation day. I would give anything to have a week off.... *sigh* A girl can dream can't she?

8 weeks and 1 day

Symptoms:
-nausea
-vomiting
-cramping
-food cravings
-exhaustion
-acne

Today, I start my first day into my third month (I think)... all of the pregnancy calanders are so confusing, I know I'm 8 weeks and 1 day, so that means 2 months and one day. So I figure I'm on my first day of the third month. YAY! My first real appointment is next friday, and I cannot WAIT! We get an ultrasound and everything. YAY! Pictures of the BABYYYY!! :) After the appointment, we're driving down to the beach to be with my family :) Everyone on my mom's side of the family is planning on being at the beach for the whole week. We can't be down for the whole week b/c I have to work, but I'm determined to go down at least one day to see everyone! :) Plus, I'll have baby pictures to show everyone... and we all know nothing is cuter than the first baby pictures, especially to new grandmas and grandpas. :)

7 weeks and 5 days

Symptoms
-same as yesterday


Yesterday was pretty intense. The news coming out of London was shocking, and took me back to 9/11. Sometimes I wonder the wisdom of bringing a child into such a crazy world where people feel that the solution to their problems is the mass murder of innocents. We watched a special on ABC last night, and I was appalled that, at the end of the show, they showed one of the victims of the underground bombings having CPR performed on him. It was sickening. I cannot tell you how much that bothered me. I know that things like that happen in the world, but to broadcast that image to the millions of people watching seems... like too much. I couldn't sleep last night for the thought of that young man, who was probably going to work, or touring London, and suddenly, in the blink of an eye, his life was gone. All because a small group of people decided that Blair and Bush's policy in Iraq and Afghanistan sucks. Trust me, I agree, it sucks, but at no time EVER will I EVER decide to hurt innocent people. People who had nothing to do with the decisions made for their nation.

Anyways, moving on. I hope that I can provide my child security and safety, as well as communicate a message of love for those who hate us. Yes, you read that right. We need to love those who committ terrible acts of terrorism around the world. It's hard to find that kind of love within our own persons, but if we look at the example of Christ, how can I hate them? God loves everyone, no matter what they have done. No matter how misguided they are, we should try to find it in ourselves to love them as well.

What would happen in a world where our response to such acts of terrorism was love, and not revenge??

7 weeks and 4 days

Symptoms
-morning sickness (complete w/ nausea & vomiting)
-sore boobies
-mild occasional cramping
-zits, oooooh, the zits!!!

This weekend, things really began to kick into high gear. The nausea intensified, the throwing up began, and the boobs, Lord have mercy, the boobs!! Not only are they sore, but I could win a Dolly Parton Breast look-a-like contest!!! But as everyone (and I mean EVERYONE) so quickly tells me, "The worse you feel, the better the baby is" to which I respond, "mee meeee mee meee, mee meeeee mee meee me" mocking their well meaning, but redundant advice.

We had a blast though up in Boone. Nana, Papa D, the Daddy, and I went shopping at the baby outlets, and let me just say, Nana went crazy!!! We have the cutest, most adorable little clothes for the lil' Raspberry in my belly!! I keep pulling them out to look at them, they are just adorable!!! The Daddy and I have already put one of the onsies on a teddy bear, and laughed hysterically at ourselves and at how incredibly cute the bear looks with oversized baby clothes on.

The Daddy still hasn't heard back from one of his interviews in D.C. and it's about to drive us crazy. In the meantime, he's still applying at other studios hoping to find a good job in his field of study. We're both praying that things will happen at just the right time and that God will see us through. It's hard. We find ourselves shaking our fists and cursing at God one moment, and flat on our faces begging for his help the next. Manic Depresssive faith. But we've been through this before, and God has been faithful, so we simply wait on Him.