Wednesday, October 11, 2006

A Conversation in two parts

Me: (on the phone) Hello? Apartment people? I've got a cat I need you to pick up.
Them: A cat?
Me: Yes, a cat. A kitten, actually.
Them: You have a cat? You know that's against the rules.
Me: Yes, I know that. I caught this kitten outside. Actually, yesterday I found him under my hood.
Them: Your hood?
Me: Yes, my hood. The hood of my car. I found the cat inside.
Them: Inside?
Me: Yes, inside. I heard a meowing coming from my car, and I popped the hood and there was the kitty, stuck behind the transmission.
Them: Wow.
Me: Yes. Now, could you send someone to pick up this kitten?
Them: Is it the same kitten?
Me: Yes. the same exact kitten.
Them: Hold Please

Me: (to self) Maybe this is a bad idea, maybe I should just take the cute thing to the pound myself. I have no idea if these people will kill the cat or take it to the animal rescue.

Them: Hello, are you there?
Me: Yes
Them: Okay, is the kitten in a box?
Me: No. I'm holding it.
Them: You're holding it? (note: I'm growing tired of them repeating my answers back to me)
Me: Yes, I'm holding it. It actually is letting me hold it.
Them: Okay. I'll send someone right over.

------------15 minutes later--------------

Two men pull up in a truck. One's an old guy, and one's a young guy.

Old guy: (rolls down window) Why don't ya just take that there fella home with ya? Seems to have taken a likin' to ya.
Me: It's against the rules.
Old guy: Ahhh, damn the rules, who cares. Keep it!
Me: Um.. and my husbands allergic to cats.
Old guy: Oh...
Young guy: (walks around back of truck toward me) Here lil' guy. (takes kitten from me)
Old guy: That don't look like one of them damn cats we've been after. Sure you found it here?
Me: Uh, yeah. I actually found it yesterday in my car.
Old guy: In your car!?!?
Me: Yes... well, not in my car, but under the hood
Old guy: They do that sometimes
Me: (to self)No Duh...
Old guy: Yeah, we've been trying to catch them there cats for several months, but the damn lady on the second floor... which apartment do you live in?
Me: 13
Old guy: Well, number 10 keeps feeding the damn cats, and when I've set up some traps, she just trips the traps. One day she came out hollerin' at me about takin' the cats away. Crazy lady... (at this point he rambles on and on).............
Me: (against my better judgement to keep my mouth shut so I can go inside already) Isn't there something you can do to stop her?
Young guy: (gently holding kitten.. which, I'm glad because he seems to not want to snap it's neck) Yeah, we're thinkin' bout writin' her a letter or something.
Me: Yeah, like that will work.
Old guy: Well, either that or poison the cat food.
Me: (horrified) you wouldn't do that, would you?
Old guy: (laughing) I'm just jerkin' your chain... shucks, I wouldn't hurt a thang.
Me: okay...

Old guy: (to young guy) Guess we better get that thing to the pound, eh?
Young guy: (carries the kitten gently, setting it in a box) Sure.

Old guy: (to me) You take care of yourself lil' missy...

And off they drove, in the complete opposite direction of the pound... towards the woods at the back of the property. I swear, I hope they didn't kill the thing... maybe they were just looking for more kitties?! Let's hope so. In the meantime, I'll be filing a complaint about our neighbors in number 10, since they seem to be the root of the cat problem, thus the root of the flea problem we had earlier this year, and thus the root of the rats that are eating the cats food. Heh... just kidding on the rats, but I'm terrified that they'll come out since the woman leaves WHOLE PIECES OF CHICKEN out for the dumb cats. Like, I mean, the woman goes to KFC, buys buffalo wings, and sets the open box out for the cats. What cat eats buffalo wings?!?! And what kind of nut-job goes around tripping traps for stray cats, who keep multiplying in number? A Crazy lady... that's who....

Edited to Add: I can't remember the last time I used the phrase, "No Duh". Am I terribly out of it or is that still used??? I think I was in middle school the last I used that... maybe early high school... wow


Anonymous said...

My cats would eat buffalo wings if I offered them. But I'm not crazy enough to pay that much for cat food!

Hopefully they took the kitten to the animal shelter.

We just got a new kitten, because I'm a sucker. Uh huh, a big fat sucker.

Eva said...

I love the fact that he called you 'lil' missy'. Makes the whole thing worth while as far as Im concerned. No ones ever called me that....maybe its not something Australian men say....
I'm sure the nice man took it to a kitty playground where there are balls of string and milk for all...

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

I was wondering about the "no duh".

Oddly, I used the phrase "yes huh" while talking to my daughter the other day. They will be brilliant ifn I keep this up.