Thursday, June 01, 2006


Okay, so I've started this post 3 times already, and after a few sentences of typing, I throw up my hands and delete everything. My creative dialogue just doesn't seem to be flowing lately, and that may have something to do with Shepherd waking up every 3 hours again. Oh, and also the lack of napping going on around here.

Moving on... last night, I had another one of those, "I'm so fat and ugly, I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror" moments, and after 30 minutes of crying, and 30 minutes of consoling by my wonderful husband, I finally was able to admit that when I feel that way, I eat. I eat out of comfort. For instance, I uploaded pictures from the beach the day before yesterday. I saw the pictures of me, in a swimsuit, holding Shepherd in the water. I promptly got up from the computer, baked a batch of brownies, and ate half the pan. *sigh* I also expressed frustration with my inability to focus on anything lately, which is in part due to my ADHD. I was on medication before pregnancy, and in some ways, am glad that I'm no longer dependent on the medication... but in other ways? I kind of miss the ability to focus on a task and get it done. I miss being motivated to do things because I could focus on them for longer than 5 minutes. I know that the power to lose weight is within my reach (and only my reach), just getting there is kind of intimidating. The more we talked, the more I realized that I needed to grab this thing by the horns and do it. So Forrest and I made little notes to put everywhere in the house... on mirrors, inside cabinets, in the fridge, on the fridge, on the computer. We dubbed it Operation Slim Down 2006, starring me. My goal, which I think is totally reasonable, is to lose 1 pound a week until Christmas (if I lose more, great!). Which, if I do succeed, will put me 4 lbs below my pre-pregnancy weight. I am trying so hard to stick with this program, eating healthy foods, drinking lots of water, and exercising. Part of me is sad that it'll take that long to lose my pregnancy weight... because really? I want the weight off Yesterday. Yet, I know that it took 9 months to add the weight to my frame, and it'll take at least as long to lose the weight, if not more time.

So, as I finish typing this (just having gotten back from Weight Watchers), I managed to stay the same weight this week, which is a small miracle in and of itself, considering the copious amounts of full-fat homemade butter pecan ice cream that I ate, in addition to the gobs of grape casserole (yes... it's a casserole, no it's not cooked... and yes, it's divine) that I ate... and the half pan of brownies... So imagine my surprise when I stepped on the scale and it read the exact thing as last week. Tears sprung into my eyes, and I jumped for joy because, I know... I KNOW... that this week I will lose....


Reesh said...

Good luck sweetie, I'm sure your positive attitude will make it happen. It's really great that Forest is 100% behind you. I know when my mom had trouble losing her preggo weight, my dad wasn't as supportive which only made her put on more weight. Eventually she did lose it by going to weight watchers and eventually became an instructor. So anyways, it seems like a wonderful environment to help you succeed.

Good Luck!

Erika said...

Grape casserole sounds good!!! Those mini-goals will probably help you a lot, and don't forget to reward yourself!!!