Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Forgive me...

I realize that my post yesterday about men commenting on the due date may have seemed a little extreme. 99% of the guys out there know better than to say awful things to pregnant women... and the 1% of those who don't, normally don't bother me. I'm guessing my horomones are wayyyy out of control right now, causing the slightest thing to upset me.

For example... this morning, I woke up with contractions. Yes, not the Braxton Hicks type, but the crampy, serious business type. And you know what? I started crying because I didn't want to have the baby yet. "I'm too tired to have the baby... I just want to sleep!" I whined to Forrest. And those of you following my blog on a regular basis, are scratching your head and going, "Whaaaa..?!?!" The contractions stopped after a while, and I managed to fall back asleep... But y'all... I actually didn't want to have the baby. It suddenly dawned on me last night while contracting that....

A) Pushing a baby out hurts
B) Having a baby means I have to take care of it... and possibly, I could break it.
C) Pushing a baby out hurts.

Bottom line.... I realized how big of a wimp I am, and how hard labor is going to be. I want to do this naturally... at least until 5 cm. Why 5 cm? I don't know, it seems like a nice halfway point, and if I get there, I might be so dadgum proud of myself I can make it the other 5... or I might be about to die from the pain, meaning, "give me the epidural now!" Either way, there is that 5 cm I have to dialate to before pain relief. I guess you could say I only have 4 more to go (maybe less w/ these contractions the last few nights)... but still. I'm scared to death of the pain.

Anyways... so, to those I may have offended with my post yesterday, I'm sorry... I can only blame the horomones.


Erika said...

My mom has always said that you are so miserable at the end of pregnancy you get over any fear of childbirth, so it must be in the plan somehow. Maybe you are at that point, and maybe you're not.

I totally feel you on the 5cm thing. I want to see how long I can handle it without pain meds. That is a HUGE difference from what I always said before I got pregnant (which was that I wanted all the drugs I could get as soon as I could get them). It's not because I'm necessarily worried about the effect on the baby but I am so impressed by my body so far I want to really see what this thing can do!

Anonymous said...

I'm with you too, sorta, on the 5cm thing. My birth plan says "check in about an epidural between 4-7cm."

A dear friend of mine got one very late with her first child, nearly 9 cm, and then wasn't able to move for 2 hours after the baby was born.

She didn't have one at all for the second child, and said that there was a very bad 15 minutes or so at the end, but she felt good about doing it on her own and especially about being comfortable and free to move after having him.

That really made me think that deciding this in advance just wasn't going to work for me. But by roughly half-way through, I should have a good idea of what I'll want.

Liza said...

I'm the anonymous above, but for some reason it didn't record me as me.

Beth Fish said...

Don't apologize! When you are out to there pregnant you shouldn't apologize for anything.

Isabel said...

Yeah, I've heard that pushing that baby out...hurts.

Good for you for having that "5 cm goal". I am sure it will help you having that to focus on!!

Kristin said...

The best piece of advice that I have when it comes to delivery is be flexible. I had spent all of this time on making a birth plan that we didn't even use. I wanted to go natural, use the tub & birthing ball & all of the fun stuff that the hospial had. When we got to the hospital & found out that I was only 3 cm, I was up for anything. I'm glad that I was flexible because it made the experience a lot less stressful. Actually, I couldn't have asked for a better birthing experience. So don't feel bad about anything if it's not exactly what you expected.

K. said...

I had the perfect birth plan in my head and ended up 1) getting induced due to preeclampsia and 2) having an emergency c-section because the baby was in distress during labor. I was so upset when I was told by the doc that she recommended the c-section. That is just not what I had in mind for my perfect birth experience.

All I can say now, is that none of it matters. Once your baby arrives you won't give a flying flip about the sequence of events.