Tuesday, December 20, 2005

TMI (consider yourself warned)

The other night, while watching one of our childbirth videos (we opted for the DVD option for classes since we really can't afford to pay to go to classes, and none of the classes are taught at a convenient time for Forrest and I both to attend), I realized I felt "cold" in my boobies. Kinda like it feels when someone gives you a wet willie in your ear, and then blows in it... that kind of cold. I look down, and low and behold... COLOSTRUM!!!!!!!! Seriously... between Forrest's horrified EWWWWSSSS and my fascinated, "COOOLLLLS!" it was a sight to behold. I probably shouldn't admit this online, but what the heck... I"m sure there are those of you out there like me, because in a world full of crazy people, I can't be the only one.... But... I enjoy popping zits. I don't enjoy getting them (they leave unsightly blemishes) but I really, REALLY enjoy squeezing the heck out of them, and watching them explode. My fascination is so bad that it's all I can do to not pop OTHER people's zits. This isn't just limited to zits. Anything that oozes just fascinates me. My fascination probably started as a child, because I've never been the slightest bit squeamish (I was the girl who poured glue on her hand so she could peel it off... who liked sunburns because they peeled... who would put straight pins through all of my fingers). So the other night, when low and behold, COLOSTRUM! I was in awe.... I cannot describe how cool it was to see this substance that will give much needed antibodies to my son... that my son will NEED this oozing goo... that just fascinates the heck out of me.

The human body is completely fascinating. I realized the other day how amazing it is that occasionally I can feel an elbow or a knee in my belly, and feel it move across my stomach. That we can sustain life WITHIN our bodies blows my mind... that I can feed my child through my breasts... AMAZING! That all of this started with a simple expression of love between two people, and that fact that my son is my son, and not my daughter is a result of a race of life between competing sperm?! Takes my breath away. How incredibly fragile life is, but how incredibly strong it can be continues to stretch my mind to the point where I cannot think anymore... How nature functions the way it does, on a daily basis, with each breath in and each breath out, boggles me. I know a lot of this can be explained scientifically, but to me? I enjoy the ambiguity of it all... I enjoy trying to figure it out... not scientifically, but spiritually/magically/philosophically. I enjoy the unknown... because it gives me hope that no matter how smart I am.... I can't know it all... and for some reason, that gives me comfort. I can't explain God to someone, but I can believe in Him. Sometimes that's all I need... just a belief in something... even when I don't know how to explain it. Like love... I believe in love, but trying to explain all of it's complexities, I just can't... I believe in the good in people, no matter how rotten they are... even when it doesn't seem like they harbor any good in them at all, I HAVE to believe in a spark... a tiny speck of hope... that there, inside of them, is some good... and on days when I find myself frustrated at people I'm supposed to love, when I find myself wanting to hate someone... I have to force my belief back into the picture that there is good in that person...

Sooooo... anyways, that started out as one thing, and ended up being completely different.... but I guess that's the nature of blogging... You never know where a little bit of Colostrum will lead you *grin*


Isabel said...

Colostrum, seriously? I guess I have much to look forward to.

Reesh said...

I may have taken my fascinatin with zit popping a wee bit further than yours as I am known to Devinder as "The Zit Master"!! But he really can't reach them when their on his back and aren't we there to help each other out??

Anyways, I cannot wait til my milk comes in. I, like yourself am totally amazed by this body of mine and I can't wait til I can squirt milk out of my own boobies -unbelievable!!