Dreams

While it's still fresh in my mind (and my heart) I figured I'd type out and possibly blog my latest dream that really, REALLY bothered me.
The dream seemed to be a continuance of an earlier dream that I had in my pregnancy. That dream involved me engaged to be married to the guy who wasn't Forrest. I was really torn because this guy really loved me, but I knew I couldn't marry him because I loved Forrest. In short, by the end of the dream, I left him to marry Forrest. Good happy dream.

Today's dream, however, wasn't happy at all. It doesn't all fit together nicely and make a whole lot of sense, but the end of the dream is what ripped my heart out. The dream started off in a hotel of sorts, where there's some sort of conference or competition going on. I'm there, and I'm performing a gymnastics piece for some reason (this is hilarious, because I have the grace and talent of a slightly drunk elephant). Suddenly at last minute, I'm trying to convince my partner (a guy, and I can't figure out if it's Forrest or someone else) to practice with me, and he walks off with some other girl. So I'm left without a partner. I frantically search my mind for someone who knows SOME gymnastics, or who can at least hold me over their head (a la Dirty Dancing). I call one of my best guy friends, Owen, to get our other friend Craig's number. For some reason, in this dream, Craig had taken dance lessons at some point, and worked out a lot, so he could lift me up. I tried calling him, but his cell phone wasn't working... so I was left without a partner. At this point, the dream gets foggy, but I'm on a street with lots of people, and there are park benches. During this time I find out that Forrest is having an affair with a very famous actress, and it's all over the news. Turns out I'm sorta famous too, but she's a lot more famous than I am. Forrest and I aren't married yet, but we're planning our wedding. So, everyone on the street is talking about this, and they have their magazines, and their looking at me, and pointing, and sort of giving me that look that says I'm sorry. I'm still worried about the gymnastics thing, so it hasn't quite hit me yet. I'm sitting on a bench, and turn around just in time to see my friend from college Tyson walk into this... (I'm quite serious about this)... prosthetic shop, where they sell... all sorts of prosthetics. I run in after him, thinking I might ask him about the gymnastics thing, but when I get in there, I've totally forgotten about that, and we start talking about the dorm we lived in Freshman year. Another one of my friends, Kyle, who also lived in that dorm freshman year, walked in, and gave me a huge hug... he said he was so sorry about the news w/ Forrest... and gave me a picture of himself to cheer me up.

I leave the shop, and start heading down to the dress shop, where I'm having a dress made (I think it's my bridal gown?!). As I walk in the door, the woman Forrest is cheating on me with walks out. And I promptly have a panic attack. The lady has been making her a dress too. Everything starts spinning, as people start telling me how long this has been going on, how they didn't know from the start that it was Forrest, and how they're sorry I'm the last to find out. I remember them joking with the lady at the dress shop that she should sell her story to Lifetime, because it'd make a great made-for-tv movie. The whole time, I'm just sitting there numb. The shop was located in some kind of covered ally, and when I walk out of the ally, it's raining. So I just stand there in the rain, thinking about how Forrest could do this to me. I didn't understand... at this point, the dress shop lady walks out to comfort me. I'm soaking wet, and I proceed to tell her about how awful this is. How I turned down one wedding already to marry Forrest because I loved him, and then he does this. She asks if I could go back to the other guy, and I say no, because Forrest is the love of my life. And at that moment, I realize how incredibly crushed I am, how I could never love another person as much as I love Forrest, and the pain of the "cheating" sets in. This is when I start crying, and my tears mix with the rain, and then I wake up.

I woke up with such a strong feeling of hurt and pain, that I immediately tried calling Forrest, but remembered he's working on a project at work that keeps him from his desk. So... I haven't had a chance to tell him yet, but really... I was deeply saddened, and still feel sad about the dream right now. Have you ever experienced that? Where you had a dream, and you know it was only a dream, yet when you woke up, you couldn't shake the feelings that the dream made you feel? Hopefully I'll be able to shake them... and hopefully, Forrest will get the message I left him and call me back so I can tell him how much I love him, how he truely is the love of my life, and how I never, EVER want us to end. And so I can just hear him say "I love you".