Fun with MadLibs... A Tale of the Wicked _________ (female noun)

Okay, for a little fun, I thought I'd let you guys fill in the blanks. Let me know what your word choices for the following were, so I can get a good chuckle from them.

Female Noun:
Adjective:
Adjective:
Body Part:
Noun:
Favorite bad word/noun:
Male Noun:
Noun:
Noun, plural:
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A Tale of the Wicked __________(female noun)

Today, I went and had lunch w/ my wonderful husband. Yes, yes... I drove into the District, with all the traffic, protesters, and all (yes, there were protesters, with big yellow sandwich boards, and they walked in circles... which, WHY!?! cirlcles!?! gah!) Anyways, back to lunch. We decided that since he likes Sushi, and I don't (plus, I couldn't if I wanted to) we'd go to Whole Foods because they have an awesome hot bar and kickin' sushi (according to Forrest). We got our food and went to sit down. Being lunch time, as expected, the place was packed. My first annoyance was the two men sitting down at a table not eating, just writing. I mean... seriously, we have food to eat, could you not find somewhere else to go to write? A Starbucks across the street perhaps?! So, we stood there, waiting. I noticed a couple getting ready to get up, and so I pointed their direction and we started making our way over there. And here is where we enter the most unbelievably evil, wicked ________ (adjective) of a woman into our story.

She beelines it past us, and grabs a seat. All she is holding is a coffee. A COFFEE! Forrest, ever so, so, so politely points out to her that we were waiting for a long time for a seat, and that she just totally cut in front of us. She looks blankly at him, and said, "Well, I've been waiting too." In the most ______(adjective) voice I've ever heard. And I tore out her ______(body part). (not really, but hey, a girl can dream, eh?) She sits there, looking at Forrest, then looking at me...

Y'all... I'm 9 months pregnant. Seriously. I mean, Exhibit A:

Is there any possible way I do NOT look pregnant? Hmmm? Hmmm?? I didn't think so.

So I give her the death stare, to which she takes a nice long sip of her coffee, and sits there like a ______(noun) on a log. I proceeded to call her a ________ (favorite noun/bad word) and turned away. (Actually, I only muttered a word under my breath because I'm too nice to yell bad words at people). Her __________(male noun)/boyfriend sat down shortly after that with HIS coffee. At that point, some nice men at the bar noticed us standing there, and they were finished eating, just wrapping up their conversation, so they stood up, and let us sit down. Actually, another man grabbed one of the two seats, and so I sat down, while Forrest stood. 2 minutes later? THE ________(noun) and her man STOOD UP AND LEFT WHOLE FOODS! I am not lying... they sat there for a total of 5 minutes. DRINKING COFFEE! So here I am, 9 months pregnant, perched on a BAR STOOL, and these ________(noun, plural) were enjoying a nice, comfy table with chairs that have backs. Asshats. *sigh* (many thanks to Chris for introducing that word to me, I may have to thank him by purchasing one of these)
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Anyways, after that little episode, our lunch was wonderful. (Oh, oh, oh, A CONTRACTION!!!! just as I write this... SCORE!) :) I always forget how much fun it is to drive into the District and see all the cute rowhouses that we'll never be able to afford... but I dream we can afford them and pick out the ones I want to live in,Exhibit B:



Then, after lunch, I went to Target to walk around the baby section. I scored some cute, adorable little outfits and some extra diapers because if what y'all say is true, and baby's go through 10 diapers a day, that means one package of Huggies will last me 4 days. Is this really true? 10 diapers a day? I mean, I'm aware they poop and pee a lot, but this much? I'm in for the ride of my life, eh? :)

So now I'm home again, and I just had a pretty good contraction. Let's see if I have a follow up one, or if that was just a teaser. I'll update y'all later tonight!!!!