Saturday, November 19, 2005

Bright and Early

Well, today's Saturday. I don't know when I last posted on a Saturday. Saturdays usually involve me waking up at 7:30, trying to get back to sleep and realizing that the baby is using my bladder as his sqeeze toy. I roll out of bed (which is becoming quite a production), and head for the bathroom. Now, by this point, I'm wide awake. And as I'm sitting there in the bathroom, I begin to grow frustrated because.... it's Saturday. I used to sleep until 10:30 am on saturdays... sometimes 11 or 12! And now? I can't make myself sleep past 8. I know, I know... all of you veteran parents out there would tell me that it's all preparing me for being a mother, when my son won't sleep past 8 (or even earlier). But the thing is this... I'm ready for that. THAT I fully understand... what I want, however, is to enjoy my little bit of freedom before it's gone. It will be 18 years before I can sleep in again. Granted, I'm fully prepared for motherhood, just... I want to enjoy these last few months before I dive right in! But I guess nature doesn't work that way. It's all about teaching me how many times I'll be waking up in the middle of the night to feed my child, how many times I'll be consoling my son because he had a bad dream, how many trips I"ll make to the kitchen to get a glass of water... in fact, the other night, at 3:30 am, I had a sudden realization that getting up every hour to pee is completely different than getting up to nurse a baby. For one, I can pee half asleep. That's the one thing that's easy for women... in fact, I've fallen asleep some nights, if only for a minute or two... But with a child? Noooo... I have to be alert, to watch my baby, to make sure he doesn't choke, to hold him... all of that has to be done awake... not half asleep, but awake. And during my 3 am epiphany, it kinda scared the crap out of me!! What if I don't hear my son crying? What if I forget to get up and feed him? Will I go crazy during the sleep deprivation stage? because heaven's knows I'm Queen of Sleep. I have to believe it'll all be okay, and try not to think about it too hard... but it's mornings like this... when I'm alone, awake, and there's nothing on TV, that I quickly am realizing the reality of parenthood. It really is no longer about me... and honestly? I can't wait..... :)


Beth Fish said...

We slept until 9:30 this morning. It can happen.

Avorie said...

I love that we're due around the same time! Your posts always resonate with me. I also get up every hour to pee and have been contemplating how annoying it is, yet it's not nearly as difficult as it's going to be when I have to get up to feed or care for an infant! That's why I've been letting myself sleep in until 8 or 9 every morning. Sleeping in doesn't mean the same thing, but at least I can lie there in a dark room and pretend to sleep.

Isabel said...

Man, you just freaked me out to.

I just keep telling myself that billions of people have done this before us. And some of them are on crack, for crying out loud.

Let's say it all together, "WE CAN DO THIS!"

Erika said...

I'm so sick of going to the bathroom. I am a person who, if I get woken up more than twice a night, considers taking the next day off work. I'm like you, I UNDERSTAND it's going to end, but it's not over yet!!