18 Months

Shepherd,

You turned 18 months old last week (or rather a week and a half ago). As usual, I was behind in writing your letter, and then something unexpected happened. Your baby sister was born 2 weeks early. So here I am, almost 2 weeks late, reflecting over the last month.

Your 18th month was hard for me, since I was GREAT with child. Your energy level had shot through the roof, and keeping up with you proved to be a big challenge. There were mornings I'd wake up crying, knowing I couldn't play all the games you wanted to play. There were nights I'd lie awake wondering how you would handle such a huge transition from being an only child, to becoming a big brother. I mourned the loss of exclusive time with you, absent of any distractions, and I mourned your loss of having our undivided attention and love. However, I was reminded time and again that this was an important step in our families lives. You would learn to share the spotlight... our hearts would grow and expand to hold all of our love for you, and for your new little sister. This was an adventure, I'd tell myself... and it will be okay.

Then, just as you'd turned 18 months, your little world was turned upside down. One night, mommy and daddy put you to bed, not knowing it was your last night being alone with them. The next day, you woke up to find Gram and Grandaddy taking care of you. Mommy and Daddy were at the hospital, anxiously awaiting your baby sisters arrival. The next day, you came to visit Mommy and Daddy in the hospital, and met your baby sister for the first time. And since then, you have loved her, and constantly beg to "holdit".

As far as you go, you continue to amaze us with your knowledge and how quickly you pick things up. It took only 15 minutes to teach you where your cheeks were, and you instantly were able to point out everyone else's cheeks. You're starting to put words together now... words like, "daddy shoe" or "daddy tool". You'll break out a "daddy hat" every now and then, and point to "daddy phone" when he's home. Now, if you'll notice a pattern, most of those words are about daddy. The only thing you point out as "mommy's" is the diaper bag or the van. And even then, you don't know the words for bag or van, so it's just "mommy!".

Shepherd, I think the thing I love most about you is the tenderness in your little toddler heart. A few weeks ago, there was a humongous wasp flying around in the kitchen while we ate breakfast. I hate wasps. They sting and hurt. So I took my sandal off, and promptly squashed that sucker flat. You took all of this in, and as soon as I'd killed the wasp, you broke into the most heartbreaking cry. You looked at me in horror, and screamed as I tried to comfort you. You'd have thought I had killed a tiny little kitten, not a venemous, evil wasp! At first I chalked it up to the loud noise of my sandal hitting the window, but then days later, as a big spider scurried across the floor, I stepped on it, and produced the same reaction from you. I guess we won't be telling you that those hot dogs you love to eat are made from "moos" (cows) anytime soon.

But by far, the best thing about this past month has been a renewed perspective of how much you really have grown. After coming home from the hospital, and holding you, I realized how much has changed in 18 months. Time has flown by, and for a moment, that first night home, time stood still as I rocked you in my arms for bed. You curled up on my chest, snuggled your face into my neck, and slowly drifted into sleep. As your breaths grew deeper, knowing you were asleep, I allowed myself a few tears... tears of joy for how much you've grown, yet tears of sorrow for how fast it has gone. I kicked myself for all those moments I had wished you'd just "grow up already!" and held you tight. I promised myself I'd try harder to enjoy each moment... to savor each and every day, because time passes so fast... and before I know it, you'll be a young man, no longer able to sit in my lap and fall asleep.

I love you, Pumpkin... with all of my heart.

Happy 18 months,

Mommy

17 months

Shepherd,

I sit here typing this as you sit beside me, eating your breakfast and chatting away. Some of what you say makes sense, and other words are just groups of syllables strung together that sound convincingly like a foreign language. At times, you talk about the man in the picture hanging on our dining room wall, the one of the old man with a beard praying. You used to point to him and make your sign for beard, and smile proudly. Lately, however, you've been pointing to him and signing "bear", which is comical, since I'm sure if the old man were real, he'd be quite burly and bear-like.


The other day, I bought you a pair of knock-off crocs (yes, mommy is cheap and refused to pay $25 for a pair of shoes you'll outgrow in no time). You absolutely adore these shoes, and each morning, you wake up chanting "sue! sue! sue!" By the time I reach your room, and get you out of bed, you're begging to put them on. You love all shoes, quickly pointing out our shoes, and always trying to put our discarded shoes back on our feet. There is one problem, however. Your feet can get quite smelly during the course of the day. This has led to a fun game at diaper time, where I take your shoes off, smell them, and proclaim "stinky!!" You love this game, and you try so hard to put the two words together. Last week, you succeeded as you removed your shoe, smelled it, and proclaimed "stinky sue!!"


Your climbing skills have accelerated so fast, that I can't keep up with you anymore. I've found you standing atop the coffee table, dancing on the kitchen table, and most recently, scaling the brick wall in our sunroom, only to perch yourself precariously on the window ledge. I beyond terrified to find you there, and it prompted numerous neurotic google searches on "when to transition from crib to bed". I'm terrified you'll climb out of your crib and fall and hurt yourself, however, you've shown no interest in climbing out of your crib, and are usually content to be in there. However, those google searches did show me that you are growing up so incredibly fast. You're one month away from being 18 months... exactly one and a half years... and I'm amazed at all that has changed.


I'm so excited to be a part of this journey with you. I'm blessed to be with you daily, to watch you grow, learn, and explore the world around you. I could not have asked for anything more fulfilling than this... being your mommy. I love you little man.

Happy 17 months!

-"Nonny"

16 months

Dear Shepherd,

Last week you turned 16 months old. The further along we go, the closer these months seem to come together. This past month has been filled with fun. You constantly want to go outside and run around or play in the pool. Your energy has just shot through the roof, and you run at breakneck speeds across the yard, through the house, or wherever else your little feet will carry you. It's hard for mommy to keep up with you, especially with the growing baby in mommy's tummy.


You have learned a lot of new words this month, and you're even better at communicating with us than ever before. When asked what mommy has in her belly, you make the sign for baby. We're not sure you completely understand the concept of a baby in mommy's belly, but you often will pat my belly and smile at me. This week wee pulled out a lot of old baby toys such as the swing and the bouncy chair, and you've had a blast playing with them. You'll often grab a book and sit in your swing reading the book. So many changes are ahead of you as your little sister plans to make her grand entrance, and sometimes I worry about how you'll adjust. I know you'll love her, as you're so good with other kids and other babies. I guess I'm most worried about how you'll handle the change in attention you get. As much as I'm looking forward to your sister getting here, I'm also trying every moment to hold you close, and give you extra love, as I know the days of you being an only child are numbered.


This month you've really enjoyed the water. We're very excited about this as it seemed for a while you were terrified of the water in your bathtub. With the introduction of your pool, the sprinkler, and the ocean, you have completely overcome your fear and now are totally enthralled with any type of water. You would spend hours in the pool if I let you, climbing in and out, and then back in again. You run through the sprinkler giggling and squeeling, hands up in the air trying to catch the water. The ocean, however, has proved to be your favorite. You absolutely love the sand and the waves, and you run through the water stomping your feet and splashing everyone around.


Shepherd, you continue to amaze me. Being with you every day is such a joy, it's hard to imagine my life without you.


Your smile is so contagious, and your laugh, whoa boy, your laugh makes my heart just explode within my chest. You are constantly amazing us, and constantly changing. I love you so very much,



Happy 16 months, Doodlebug,

Love,
Mommy

15 months

Shepherd,

Wow... I hardly know what to write about, since this last month has gone by so incredibly fast. And on top of that, you are changing so much every day, that it's nearly impossible to document what new things you know.

You've begun to repeat everything we say. E-VER-Y-THING. In fact, the other day, while we were riding in the car, I was joking with your daddy, and said something about someone acting like a jackass. No sooner had the word left my mouth, I heard this little voice from the back seat say "Jaaaa...", as though you were trying to say the word. Of all the words I had said, that was the one you'd picked to repeat. We now know that we must be incredibly careful what we say around you.

You're also picking up more and more words for body parts. You have known where your eyes, ears, nose, mouth, and hair are for a few months now, but recently added elbow, knees, feet, toes, and your favorite, bellybutton. You're quick to show anyone your bellybutton, and quick to point out their bellybutton to them by lifting up their shirts. I'm amazed at how quickly you learn now, as opposed to even a few weeks ago.

You also are learning new words every day. You have so many words and signs that I cannot keep track of all you know. This weekend, you learned the sign for boat and bird, mostly because we were at the beach and you kept pointing to both of them, as if to ask what they were. You picked up on the signs immediately, and were fascinated with every boat and bird you saw. At the aquarium, you squeeled and laughed at all of the fish. You even came up with a new sign all on your own. After seeing the big sea turtle swimming in the tank, you raised your arms up and flapped them around, just as the sea turtle was doing to swim around in the water.

Your sense of humor has really come out this past month, and you laugh at mommy and daddy when they do silly things. A silly face from daddy makes you giggle like crazy, and a silly dance by mommy makes you laugh out loud. You love to entertain us, and will dance and "shake your booty" when we ask you to. When we have company over, you love to do silly things to make them laugh, and the more they laugh, the more and more you love doing the silly things. You're quite the ham, and love being the center of attention.

I look back over the past 15 months, and realize how much things have changed. I've been doing a lot of thinking about when you were a little baby, probably because you are going to have a little sister this fall. I keep thinking what she will look like, and try so very hard to remember what you were like at that age. It's so hard to remember, even though it wasn't that long ago, but the one thing that sticks out in my mind about that time was how impossible it seemed that you'd ever reach the age that you are now. I want to remember that, because it's so hard to enjoy those first few months when it seems all you did was poop, eat, and sleep. I want to remember because when your sister comes, I'll feel the same way. I hope and pray that I don't wish those first few months away wishing she were the age you are now. I have to remember that it took that long for you to grow up, and that I wouldn't change it for the world.

I love you little man... more than you will ever know. Happy 15 months!

Love,
Mommy

14 months

Shepherd,

A few weeks ago, you turned 14 months. I know, I know, I'm a little behind in the monthly newsletter, but this blogging thing is getting harder and harder, as it is way more fun to play with you. More and more, you are developing the most precious and wonderful personality, making it harder and harder to put to words how you've changed.


This month, your vocabulary has taken off. You learn signs very fast, and you're not afraid to try out new words. Just last night, you were carrying your toy remote around, and held it up to me as if to ask what it was. I told you it was a remote. You paused, looked at it, and slowly but very confidently repeated "meh-mote". The pure wonder in that moment of you repeating back to me what I'd just said can never be described. I sat there in amazement, begging you to say it again by prompting, "what is this?" You'd reply, "Mote!" "Meh-MOTE!" with excitement. Later that night, during your bath, you picked up a fish, made the sign for it (you just learned the sign yesterday) and then said, "ey-yee". You pointed to the fish's eye, then to your own, looking up to daddy and me for confirmation. You pointed to the mouth and said, "mou" and then to the nose and said "nuh". You know all the parts of your face, including ear "ee-yer". You also made a sign up for daddy's beard, where you stroke your chin as though you're up to no good.


Not only are you an excellent communicator, but you figure things out so incredibly fast. You know that keys work in cars and doors, and if you find daddy's keys, you either attempt to open the front door to go outside (your favorite sign right now) or you ride your tractor, trying to fit the keys in the ignition. You know that doors open by their handles, and you are constantly trying to open doors. We are soon going to have to buy some safety knobs so that you can't open them. Saturday night, Gram babysat you, and she pulled out one of Uncle Jussy's old toys. It was a workbench, complete with screws, hammers, and bolts, and the necessary tools to manipulate them. Gram showed you how to turn the screwdriver and make the screw go in. You grabbed the screwdriver from her, placed it properly in the screw, and started turning. Just like that, you'd figured it out.


This month also was a hard month. You've cut 4 teeth this month, and you're already working on your canines. This hasn't been a fun experience, but usually, you handle it like a champ. The only time that it's just too much for you is in the evening, when our day is winding down. You begin to get fussy, and very quickly, it turns into hysterical screams of pain that nothing can soothe. We try to soothe the pain, oh boy do we try. But holding you close is about the only thing that seems to help. After crying yourself tired, you wind up falling asleep, and then amazingly you then sleep 13 hours straight, without as much as a peep from you. The only thing we figure is that you're just so tired from all that crying that you just poop out.


This month, you've also started helping us out a whole lot. You're fascinated with the broom, and help mommy sweep the deck off. You also love helping us dust the coffee table. But the most fun we've had cleaning was when we washed the car in the from yard. You grabbed a rag, and helped us wash the dirt off. You weren't sure about the water coming out of the hose, but that didn't stop you from exploring how it worked, even if every time the water came out, you cried and ran for one of us.


But all in all, you are a brave little boy, venturing out in the yard to check new things out, climbing on top of everything you can, and learning to slide off the bed feet first. You love dogs, and cats, even if Garfield, Gram and Grandaddy's cat, hissed at you after you grabbed his tail. You love other kids, and love playing with them. You make friends with everyone you meet, and have never met a stranger.

I only hope that this next month holds as much joy and fun as this last one, as it seems every month gets better and better. I know everyone always says that it gets better, and as cliche as that may sound, it is so very true. I say that every month, but I can't help it. I love you little man... keep up the hard work of learning, and never, ever give up.

Love,

Mommy

13 months

Shepherd,

A few weeks back, you turned 13 months. We were right smack in the middle of our move from Northern Virginia to North Carolina. This past month has been a blur, mostly because so much has happened in such a short period of time. You continue to amaze me with new words and new skills.


You now can point to things you need, but mostly, you point because you're curious as to what things are called. You point and look expectantly at your daddy or me, waiting for the right name of the thing you're pointing at. It's a fun game we play, where we'll point out something to you, then you point out something to us. Every trip in the car is a fascinating adventure for you, with you pointing at everything as we drive by.


This month, it seems you've cranked your charm to eleven, and boy, oh boy, can you turn it on. Everywhere you go, you flirt, wave, and smile at perfect strangers. With your grandparents, you lean in to give huge kisses, even adding the "mmmmmmmmm" sound before a kiss. With daddy and me, you crack us up at every meal, playing peek-a-boo (and yelling "AH!!" when you remove your hands), making silly faces, and just jabbering away about something. Your personality is really starting to shine, and the more it shines, the deeper I fall in love with you. No longer are you just a baby like the other kids, but you are uniquely you. No one else is like you, and I love that!!!


Your daddy took a week off between jobs to help move and unpack, and during that week, you quickly became a daddy's boy. You followed him around the house, banged on things when he hammered nails in for pictures, you studied every move he made, and quickly became very attached to daddy. You wanted nothing to do with mommy during this time. If mommy asked for a kiss, you'd push her away, but if daddy wanted one... you'd pucker right up. It was great having daddy around, because we got to do a lot as a family, something we hadn't had much time for before. We took a trip up to Pilot Mountain, and we all had a blast hiking the short hikes there. We've had more time for family time, and that has made a world of a difference. When daddy gets home, you run to him, and you both play in the backyard while I get dinner ready. I know this, because I watch from the kitchen. I watch as your face radiates with joy as your daddy flies you around the back yard, and throws you high in the air to catch you. I hear your squeels of joy, as you chase one another around the huge oak tree, playing hide and seek from one another around the trunk. I cannot tell you how much joy it brings me to silently watch as you have more time with your daddy than ever before.


I love you little man... and I hope that you continue to blossom into this incredible little man that you already are. I pray that you will continue to be curious, wanting to learn about everything. I hope that I always have the time to stop and point out the little tiny flowers and bugs, and that I'll be patient enough to answer every prodding little pointed finger with an unhurried response. I pray that we will be able to keep this slower life that we have now, and that we won't take it for granted, even when things get a little crazy.


I love you so very much... Happy 13 months...

Love,
Mommy

11 months

Shepherd,

Today you turn 11 months old. I feel every one of these letters starts out with some exclamation that "I can't believe you are already x-number of months old", but it's true. I can't hardly believe you are growing up so fast! This month has been a whirlwind of changes, and you've managed surprisingly well.

At the beginning of the month, we found out you were going to be a big brother. I can't tell you how excited I am to see you function in this capacity. You adore other children, smiling at them, and gently patting their hair (sometimes not so gently, but we're working on that). We are so excited to be adding a little brother or sister to your family. You see, mommy and daddy are very close in age to their own brothers, and we wanted that for you. Everyone has asked if this was "planned", which, as you grow up, you'll realize how incredibly rude this is. And our answer has always been emphatically yes. Just as with you. I don't know that anyone knows for sure exactly when to get pregnant, just as we didn't know with you... but, you and your little brother or sister, were always planned. From the moment your father and I said "I do" we knew we'd have children. We both loved children so much, and knew that one day, God would bring you into our lives. And He did... and oh, how he blessed us with you.

You are the most lovable little man I know. This month has really drawn out your personality. You love to imitate us, especially when we make funny faces at you. You laugh and giggle when I kiss you. You chatter on and on and on all day long, in the car, playing, in your high chair, in the bathtub, and sometimes, in the quiet of night, I hear you chatter softly in your sleep. I wish I knew what you are saying. Sometimes, it sounds as though you're telling a story. At others, as if you're issuing a grand proclamation. And still others, when your voice goes quiet, it sounds as though you're whispering a secret, only known to you.

You also started walking this month. Which completely took me by surprise. You had been cruising for several months, and you had tried walking from chair to chair, but showed little interest in walking until this past Monday. My theory is that you saw several of the kids your age at church on sunday, and a handful of them are walking too. So Monday, you decided to walk, full steam ahead. Thankfully, Daddy had the day off, and he was there to witness your first steps. You were playing by the bookshelf, and I turned away to put up a toy you'd been playing with. I was sitting on the floor, and I turned around, and there you were, halfway from the bookshelf to me. And you continued walking to me. I cannot describe what that moment felt like. The only way I can try is to say that it felt as though my heart exploded inside of me, and the only thing I could do was squeel and laugh and kiss you all over. All afternoon, you kept trying again, and trying again, and you did surprisingly well. By Tuesday, crawling was a thing of the past. Your main mode of transportation, walking.

With the walking, has come an incredible exhaustion for both of us. You now sleep entirely through the night, waking up at 5:30am for a bottle from Daddy before he leaves for work, then you go back to sleep, waking up for good around 7:30. This comes at a perfect time, as mommy really, really needs that extra sleep to help the little baby inside of her grow.

You've also developed a strong attachment to Daddy. You regularly look up at the picture of daddy and you in your room and say, "Dada!" When Daddy comes home, you squeal with joy and either run (if you're walking or standing) or crawl to him. When he goes out of your site or when he has to leave for work, you cry. The other night, when Daddy got home, you greeted him as usual, and as he sat down on the floor with you, you gently rested your head against his chest. You'd never done that before, and it was such a special moment that daddy and I almost cried. It was as though you were saying, "Thanks for coming home".

There are so many other things I want to say. Every day, I love you more and more, and every day, I'm amazed at what you can do. I don't want to miss a single moment with you, and find myself missing you when you're napping... wishing I could just snuggle right up next to you and hold you just so I don't miss a moment of you growing up, because, man, does the time fly.

I love you so much little man... and I always will..

Love,

Mommy

10 months

Shepherd,

Today you turn 10 months old. I cannot believe that you are already 10 months. I can remember when you were around 3 months old, I wondered in amazement that you'd be 10 months by Christmas, and tried to imagine what you would be like. I never could have imagined that you'd be like you are... so full of joy, life, and happiness. You are the happiest baby I've ever seen. And I'm not the only one that thinks so. Strangers often will walk up to me and comment on how happy you are. You smile at anyone and everyone, and you never, ever meet a stranger.


This past month you've developed quite a unique personality. You seem to have grown up overnight, and you no longer look nor act like a baby. You care nothing for the "baby" toys we have, and any chance you get to play with "big kid" toys, you relish the opportunity. You're cruising faster and faster each day, getting closer and closer to your first independent steps. You're a curious little booger, and you explore every tiny detail of something new.


Another wonderful thing has happened this month... you've started sleeping through the night. We put you down to bed around 7 pm (sometimes as early as 6:30 depending on how tired you are) and you sleep until 7 am. You often wake around 4 am, and softly cry for a little bit. I lay in bed, listening to you, debating on whether or not to go and get you. After a few minutes, you quiet down, and I can hear you snuggle up with your ducky and go back to sleep. When 7 am rolls around, you're ready to get up, but you're not quite ready to play. Most days I get you, and we head to the living room where we sit and cuddle on the couch, while watching the morning news. After 10 minutes of cuddling, you squirm out of my arms, and slide off the couch to play with your toys.


Shepherd, I can't begin to tell you what joy you bring me. I love you beyond what I ever thought I could. I look back at pictures of you and see how much you've grown. In those pictures I also see how much my love for you has grown. I know that no matter what, I will always love you.


You're my little man... my sweetie pie... my baby.



Happy 10 months, booger bear.

Love,
Mommy

9 months

Shepherd,

Last monday, you turned 9 months old. It was quite the day to turn 9 months. We bought a new van that day and brought it home and then later that night, your mommy ended up in the hospital for an emergency appendectomy. If ever there was a doubt in my mind that you've grown up, you put it out of mind that night and the days that followed. We took you to our friends house to spend the night, while mommy and daddy spent the night in the ER. You handled it like a champ. You stuck to your schedule, you played hard, and part of me felt a little sad that you didn't seem to miss mommy that much. But then you came to visit mommy in the hospital, and even though I looked 10 different shades of bad, you reached your little arms out for me. My heart broke into a million little pieces because there was nothing more that I wanted to do at that moment than to hold you, snuggle your face into my neck, and smell the sweet scent of your neck. But I was hurting, and had all sorts of things attached to me that would have been dangerous for you to play with. So off you went with Gram and Daddy, while Grandaddy stayed for a while longer. I thought of you a lot that night, as I lay there alone in my bed. I wondered if you were sleeping well, if you were okay. I wondered if everyone was doing everything right, and I missed you. I slept awful that night, despite the heavy pain medication I was on. The next morning, I woke at 5 am, and began walking laps around the corridors, just to prove to the nurses and doctors that I was okay, and to please send me home. That afternoon, I came home and scooped you in my arms. You smiled so big when you saw me, and I've never been happier to be home.

This past month has been an incredible month. You've changed so, so, so fast that I can't keep up with everything. You're cruising now... up and down the couch, from table to table, and occasionally, letting go, standing there on your own. You're incredibly fast. So fast that I can't turn my back on you one minute, not that you'd let me anyways, as I can no longer leave the room without you crying and missing me. Another milestone you've reached this month is you now have 5 teeth. I strongly suspect you have a sixth one lurking just under the skin, but so far, only 5 pearly whites are showing. What this has done to change your smile is a million fold. When you smile, it's as though the world slows down, and time pauses for a breath to take in the beauty of that smile. You smile often, so time seems to be slowing down again, and the months aren't passing so quickly (for which I'm very grateful). Another thing that's changed is that you've learned to make funny faces, and often wrinkle up your nose and smile at me, waiting for me to laugh. When I laugh, you giggle wildly, and do it again.

You're also exploring the range of your voice, both in vocabulary and in volume. At the beginning of the month you screamed and screamed and screamed (good screams, not bad). Lately, though, you've cut back on the screaming, and pick a new sound each day to mimic. Today's sound was "Duh", which you repeat over and over again as you play. If I say "duh" to you, you smile and say, "duh! duh! duh!" back. Yesterday it was "Guh" and the day before "Muh". Most of the times, if I ask you to say "mama", you say it. I don't know if you quite understand what it means yet, but it still makes my heart warm to hear you say that. Sometimes in the car, you'll say "mum" loudly, and I'll turn around to look in your mirror. You flash a smile at me, as if you were only trying to get my attention.

You're quite the social butterfly. The only sign of stranger anxiety I've seen so far is if you're left alone completly. It doesn't really matter who is with you, as long as it's someone. You love to wave hello to people, and just this morning, when a friend of mommy's dropped something off, you smiled, and waved hello to her. You're also quite the flirt. You'll smile at someone, wave hello, then act shy and dig your face into my shoulder, while still looking coyly at the person you're saying hello to. When it comes to other babies, you are totally infatutated. I'm positive you'll make a wonderful big brother (which, hmm... mommy and daddy need to get working on that) as you love other children. You love playing with other kids your age, so we've made a routine of getting out at least once a week for playgroup or something. Your favorite person right now is Uncle Justin. It's kinda sad though because he lives so far away. But when he was here last week, you absolutely worshiped the ground he walked on. If you were upset, and mommy and daddy couldn't calm you down, we called Uncle Justin in and you calmed down immediately. In fact, when he left yesterday, you cried so hard. I feel bad that you can't see him more often, but please know that mommy and daddy promise that one day, we'll be close enough for you to play with Uncle Justin more.

This next month promises to be wonderful, and has already been quite fun. I can't wait to see where it will take us... I love you so much, lil' munchkin.

Love,
Mommy

8 months

Shepherd,

I can't believe it's been 8 months already. It honestly seems that just yesterday you turned 7 months. The changes you've been through in the last month have been amazing. I've watched you learn new things at an alarming rate, and seen you grow more and more independent.

This month you started crawling. You started out pulling your little body along on your belly like a soldier and graduated to the full out crawl/run that moves you from point A to point B in lightning speed. You're a quick little bugger, too. So quick that I've had my hands full trying to keep unsafe things out of your little hands. You've also gotten very strong, and each diaper change has become a wrestling match. One night, I gave up and let you crawl around naked. You would have thought I'd given you the keys to heaven. You giggled and crawled from room to room, thoroughly enjoying your freedom.


Then, as if crawling wasn't enough, you started pulling up to standing. You'd previously been able to pull up to kneeling position, but you now pull up to standing, and even cruise a little. Last week, while your dad was playing with you, you were holding on to the couch, and you let go, standing independently for several seconds. You've done this several times since then, and, while I'm excited to see you grow up, it's also terrifying at the same time. I want nothing more than to protect you from every fall. I want to be there and catch you every time, but I'm quickly realizing that I cannot. You have to fall to learn how to get back up. And sometimes that means you get bumps and bruises. Each time you get a little bump, I scoop you up in my arms, and hold you, waiting for the tears to subside, quietly contemplating the future. How many times will you get hurt? And not just physical pain. Will I be able to protect you from the pain in life? And I know I cannot. And that is so hard to accept as a mother. To step back, and let you fall, so you'll learn to get back up.

You've also been quite a handful lately. Getting in to everything. Sometimes I feel as though you're testing me, as you look back over your shoulder and grin while pulling every toy out of your toy box. At dinner, you've master blowing raspberries, which would be adorable if your mouth wasn't full of food. I know you're too young to really know what you're doing, and that you're only learning how it feels to blow raspberries, and learning about the inside of the box, and what it's like empty. So, I'm learning patience as you explore the world around you, with all it's shapes, noises, and spaces.



And last but not least, you are daily teaching me to slow down and enjoy life. You're teaching me the joy of laughter and silliness. You're teaching me patience, responsibility, but above all else, you're teaching me about love, and it's eternal depth. I knew what love what long before you were born, but never have I felt it as powerful as I feel it when I look at you. You are my son, and you'll always be loved, no matter what you do, no matter what happens, I will always love you.



Happy 8 months booger bear,

Love,
Mommy

7 months

Dear Shepherd,

Today, you turn 7 months old. This past month has flown by. You're changing every day, so fast that I can't begin to document all of the changes.


For starters, you have been working on sticking out your tongue at us. This has been quite a joy to watch, and has brought many laugh. You started with just moving your tongue around in your mouth. But after studying our faces long and hard, you began to try to push out your tongue. You made it to the space between your gums and your lips, and for a while, I joked that it looked as though you were chewing tobacco (which, if you ever do, you will be in big, BIG trouble, mister!). And two days ago, you finally got your tongue out. The look on your face was unadulterated joy. You were just like the big people who stick their tongues out at you. And finally, you could be one of us. We laughed, I cried, and we played the game of sticking our tongues out at each other. You love this game. Especially if we're driving somewhere, and at the stoplight, I turn around and make a face at you in the mirror we've put in the backseat. You laugh and try to stick out your tongue some more.


This month also brought the introduction of a big, BIG dog in your life. You'd met Maggie (Gram and Grandaddy's dog) before, but you were too little to remember it. At first, we were worried that Maggie would knock you over, or get too excited and hurt you, but we tried anyways. At first, you were very scared. You whimpered and clung to me. But we sat there, while I held you, and you summoned all of your courage up and reached out and touched the big monster. Maggie sat really still, and you patted her nose over and over. Finally with a squeal, you stuck your hand in Maggie's mouth. What possessed you to do this, I don't know, but you had decided that this dog was your friend, and she wouldn't hurt you. After that, you loved the doggie, and watched her everywhere she went.


Another thing we've enjoyed this month has been the change in weather. It'd been cooler and not so hot, so we've been able to go to the park and swing. You love swinging, especially if there are other kids around. You smile at them as if to ask them to watch how big you are, swinging. We've had a lot of fun playing at the playground, and another one of your favorite parts is the bubble mirrors. We stand there and make faces at each other, laughing at each other.


And last but not least, this month you've been sick. You've had a raging ear infection that probably started as a cold. For that, I'm very, VERY sorry. It probably came from one of the kids in the nursery at church or something, but irregardless, you've handled it like a pro. I hardly knew it was bothering you until you started waking up more at night crying. Finally, figuring that the runny nose wasn't just teething, we went to the doctor. The doctor looked in your little ear and said, "Yep! Ear infection!". So we got you on a round of antibiotics and hopefully that will clear up soon. But through it all, you've still been a happy, sweet little boy. Every morning when Daddy brings you into our room for our morning cuddle, you smile at us and happily snuggle in with us.



I love you SO much little man. I cannot fathom my life without you. You make each day bright with your smile, and each day, I'm amazed at the wonderful joy of having you in my life.

With all of my love, Happy 7 months,

Mommy

6 months

Shepherd,

Yesterday you turned 6 months old. I wanted to write something then, but was afraid that my words could not adequately portray my heart. I have thought all day long, and still, words fail me. You have grown so much and so fast this past month that I simply cannot wrap my mind around these changes fast enough. For starters, you're still teething.


Although you have two beautiful pearly whites, you still have not cut another tooth. This would be okay if the hidden teeth weren't bothering you so bad. Everything that can go in your mouth goes in your mouth. On some days, drool flows as the Nile, and there's the tell-tell drool rash on the tip of your chin which, despite your mothers every attempt to keep it dry, persists. But that doesn't seem to bother you as much as your ears, which you tug on pretty hard some days.


Other days, you're pretty serious. You talk with a serious look on your face, as though telling me some long ago secret that we adults have forgotten. You observe everything around you with seriousness, and take on your newest challenge of crawling with such passion, I feel as though you could will yourself across the room. You touch everything, learning the textures as though reading a book in Braille. You take it all in. And those days just blow me away.


Other days, you want to cuddle. This is a new thing, because up until now, you've refused to sit still long enough to be held for any amount of time. The best is when we take naps together. We both fall asleep, and I wake up to little hands pummelling my breast, as if someone has turned the tap off. As my eyes flutter open, you break into a broad grin, showing off those beautiful teeth, and sometimes, if I'm lucky, you giggle. You pound away again, as if letting me know that you are being denied. I let you nurse a little longer, as you suckle, then break away to smile at me. This, is my favorite part of nursing now.. the moments you break away to look up at me and coo.


Another thing I'm learning is that you're very quick. I turn my back on you for one second, and you've rolled clear across the room. Not only are you quick, but you're quite sneaky. Just when I think I've got my bases covered and nothing is in your reach that ought not to be, I find you holding some forbidden fruit, joyfully beaming at your discovery. Your favorite finds are the remote, my cell phone, daddy's glasses, and books. Books which your father has protected for years, and fussed at mommy for bending and breaking the spine. And within seconds, all of those years are laid to waste as you suck on the corners of the pages, bending, warping, and ruining perfectly good books. But truth be told? It makes mommy a little bit happy to see you ruin those books, because mommy hates perfect books. I prefer my books worn in, as proof that I have read them. Proof that they don't just sit on my shelf gathering dust. But lets not tell daddy, okay??


But most other days are wonderful days, full of laughter and fun. We wake up early, play with your toys, and then eat some breakfast. Then we go back to playing again until it's naptime. You sit up almost all the time now, unless you're trying to crawl. You've even learned to catch yourself when you start to fall from sitting. You've also been trying something new recently. You're trying to go from sitting to crawling, which, blows my mind to pieces. Yesterday, you actually got pretty close to crawling position from sitting, and at the last minute, with one great heave, you launched yourself forward, face-planting into the carpet. But that does not stop you.


You are stubborn, as your mother, yet determined as your father. You simply don't give up. I love this about you. You work so hard at what you do, and you give 200% at everything. I only hope this trait will last a lifetime, allowing you to pursue everything your heart desires with great passion.


Shepherd, you are so close to taking off. Not just physically, with crawling, though it's certain you could start that any day now. But emotionally and mentally as well. Each day, you put more pieces to the puzzle of life together, and I am so blessed to be your audience, daily cheering you on, and helping you when you allow me to help. I am your biggest fan, and hope that no matter the future circumstances, I will always be your loudest supporter (alongside Daddy, of course). I pray that each day that I'm given with you, I fully appreciate all that I have, and that I savor each and every moment with you, because, pardon my french, "Damn, do they fly by."

Love,
Mommy

5 months

Shepherd,

It is so, so, so hard to believe that today you turn 5 months old. It was just yesterday that someone asked me how old you were, and I said 4 months, and then thought to myself that you weren't really 4 months anymore... you were one day away from being 5 months old. Every other month, I have anticipated your turning another month older, and yet somehow, this month, it snuck up on me. Perhaps it's because you have gone through so much so fast this month. You started eating solids at the beginning of the month, and quickly got the hang of it, only to start teething and refuse solids all together.


And speaking of teething, you have two teeth now... and you've decided two isn't enough! You seem to have skipped getting any top teeth, and you have two more teeth coming in on the bottom. The teething issue has been really hard. You go from being a super happy baby, smiling and laughing one minute, to a very grumpy little boy, complete with screaming and big ol' fat tears the next. I've done everything I can to try to help with your little teeth, including sacrificing my index finger to the tiny little daggers inside your mouth just so you can chew on something that you want to chew on.


But when you're not teething, you are a very happy little boy. You love charming other people when we go out by smiling sweetly at them, and rewarding their attention with big gummy grins... actually, big gummy with 2 teeth grins.


You're getting so big, and growing so tall. Another milestone that you reached this month was sitting up unassisted. You'll sit up for long stretches at a time now without falling over. The other day, I timed you, and you sat there playing with your toys for 30 minutes before falling over. Amazing!


Also, you've decided you would rather stand up than sit up. You'd rather try to walk than try to crawl. You get rather frustrated while on your tummy, and the second I hold you so you're standing up, you look up at me and smile the biggest and brightest smile. All of this is happening so fast, that my head is spinning. You aren't my little tiny bundle of baby anymore, but you're a growing, active little boy.


I'm so excited to see you growing up, yet so scared at the same time. It seems like just yesterday you were so tiny. I know everyone tells you that "they grow up so fast!" but until you actually see it happen, you don't understand what they're talking about. I know this next month is going to be a busy and exciting one, because you? are so close to crawling, you're already pulling up from sitting to standing, and your babbling is becoming a bit more coherent and rhythmic. You're beginning to figure things out, like how your pacifier works, and how to pick up blocks and put them in your mouth (but you haven't figured out that everything doesn't fit in your mouth, like the TV stand, and you get very upset when you open your mouth and it won't fit, very cute!). You regularly recognize Daddy, and when he comes home, and you see him, you smile the biggest smile of the day. And even if you've been super grumpy right before he comes home, the minute he walks in, you turn on your charm, and you're super happy. Last night, we took a walk after dinner to the playground, where you got to sit in a big boy swing for the first time. It was so amazing to see you excited about it, and not scared. You just let us push you higher and higher, and the more we did it, the more you smiled. We did that until you fell asleep.



Shepherd, I wish that I could tell you how much I love you, but words will not allow me to. You are my very special little man, and I can't believe how fast you're growing up. I always forget that I can't go back and re-visit these days, that once the day is done, it is done. So I'm trying my hardest to enjoy each day.


I love you little man....Happy 5 months!

Love,
Mommy

4 months

Shepherd,

Today, you turn 4 months old. I cannot believe that you are that old. It seems like only yesterday that we were finding out we were pregnant with you, but last I checked, it was one year ago yesterday that we found out. We were at your great-grandfather's house celebrating Fathers Day, when mommy took a test in the bathroom of their house, not expecting to see much of anything. The test came back positive, with two pink lines on it, and I ran to get your father to tell him. We were both excited and terrified at the same time. We told all of your grandparents, who were more than excited to get the news. A year later, you're here, and growing so big!

We went to the doctor yesterday for your 4 month checkup. You weighed 15 pounds and 4 ounces. You have officially doubled your birth weight. You also have grown tall! You are now 25 and a 1/4 inches tall. You've grown 5 inches long! As the doctor was checking you out, I tried to visualize in my minds eye what 5 inches was, and how small you once were, and I was amazed. The doctor was very impressed with you. She said you were a very happy baby and a very active little booger. In her words, you're going to get very dangerous very soon. You see, you are already sitting up by holding yourself up like a tripod. You're already rolling front to back and back to front. And, you push yourself up on your knees when you are on your stomach, face planting yourself across the room. Some of these skills are 5-6 month skills, and the doctor said she was happy to see you progressing so rapidly! She said that daddy and mommy were right to start you on rice cereal because you need those extra calories! You burn them off so fast with all of your activity.

The hardest part was the shots that you had to get. It was a little easier watching you get the shots this time, but it still hurt me to see you cry. You calmed down very fast, and then promptly took a nap. When we got home, you woke up from your nap and were very grumpy. I picked you up and you started wailing. I looked at your little legs, and they were red and swollen from the pain of the shots. So I gave you some tylenol, and held you while you screamed. You cried like that for a long time, until you finally cried yourself to sleep. I held you while you slept, and just marveled at how much you've changed. You are beautiful... I know boys (and even men) hate that being said about them.... they want to be HANDSOME! which, you are! But you are also a very beautiful child. After a while, I put you down in your crib, and finished some chores around the house. I was interrupted by you waking up screaming... and I rushed in to swoop you up. As soon as you were in my arms, you calmed down, and just curled up and let me hold you. It was then I realized that you haven't let me hold you like that in a while. Normally, you're so eager to be down rolling, or in the excersaucer playing. So I held you, and we rocked. We just sat there staring at each other for the longest time. I know you probably will never remember that, but I will. I will always remember how wonderful it is to be held captive by your eyes. When you look at me, I know you love me, and you love me despite everything I don't love about myself. Your love isn't conditional, and I'm amazed by that.

This morning, we woke up, and I looked at you while you slept between daddy and me. Your cheeks were flushed from the slight fever from the shots, and I realized how incapable I am of loving you to the fullest. It is only with God's help that any of us love a child. I know that love exists beyond my heart, because I feel it. I feel the overflow of love from my heart into my soul and beyond me, and I'm certain that it's like that because God helps us. God loves us, therefore we love others. God loves you, my son. Just like he loves every single person in this world (yes, even the bad people)... he loves you. I hope one day, you'll understand that. I hope that one day, you'll know what it's like to hold a tiny baby in your arms, and realize that the love you have for that child isn't just yours.. but the pouring out of God's love through us.

I love you, Shepherd, with all of my heart...


Happy Four Month Birthday!!

Love,
Mommy

3 months

Shepherd,

Yesterday was your three month birthday. I can hardly believe that I'm typing that out... three whole months. You are an entirely different baby today than you were three months ago... and I'm an entirely different person than I was. You're smiling every day, and getting so close to laughing. In the morning when I go to pick you up out of your crib, you look up at me, and smile. I love it when you smile.



I must admit, when we first had you, it was so hard to interact with you. I felt awkward as a mother, uncomfortable in this new role I was playing. You slept a lot, and cried a lot. And I was left feeling helpless, as I couldn't do a lot to help you. Then you smiled for the first time, and that was awesome. Suddenly, you became more of a little person than just a baby.



Then you started cooing and then you rolled over. Daily, you amaze me with what you can do, and what you seem to understand. You're so strong, too. You love standing up on my lap when I hold you. You love sitting up and watching everything. Last week, we bought you an exersaucer, and I thought you couldn't use it, but daddy put you in it last night to see what you'd do, and you played a while in there. Then today, you did it again, grabbing toys and smiling at us as if you'd just done the coolest thing ever. And it was the coolest thing ever.



You're going through a stage where you really just want to be with me, much to Daddy's dismay. Secretly, it makes me feel very, very important and special, because I'm the one you want to be with. I'm your favorite for now. I know one day it won't be this way, you'll follow daddy everywhere, and you'll roll your eyes at me when I tell you to wear your helmet when riding a bike, so for now, I'm enjoying being the apple of your eye. But don't get me wrong, it's not like you don't like being around other people. You love when we visit places and see other folks. You are laid back when being passed around the room, but when it comes time and you've had enough, you want mommy. That's got to be the coolest feeling ever...



This afternoon, I watched you roll over from your back to your front, well, almost all the way. Your arm was still in the way, but you didn't start crying right away, you seemed intent on figuring out how to get it out from under you. I know you'll figure that out soon. And soon after that, I know you'll be sitting up, then crawling, then walking... and my, oh my, that thought takes my very breath away. You're growing up. And you're developing into this beautiful child that I love with all of my heart. I'm not always the best mother I can be (I mean, I dropped a camera on your head) and sometimes I'll mess up (like trying to use Babywise as a guide for raising you, DOH!), but know that I love you more than you will ever know. Words cannot explain how much I love you, but I hope that one day, you'll just know that I love you utterly.

Happy Three Months, Pumpkin!

Love,
Mommy